AIBU to be upset my partner has not visited after surgery?

[NiftyRoseDreamer]

So I, 23F have been with my bf 26M for almost 3 years now. I had a pretty big knee surgery 6 days ago, which requires me to not be able to walk for 6 weeks and is very painful. I am yet to have a visit from my partner and no plans to visit me anytime soon. For context, he lives an hour away and is sharing a car with his dad atm. There is also a train that runs directly from his house to mine that also takes one hour (costs $0.50 each way). He currently works from home 2 hours a day, so work is not an issue and he practically does nothing else all day long. Now if it were the other way around I know for sure I would be there for him the night after his surgery to be there physically to help carry things and make food etc, also emotionally to comfort him as it’s hard recovering from surgery. I don’t expect him to be there for me 24/7 but a one hour visit to show he cares would’ve meant a lot especially since I can’t leave my room for 6 weeks. Now the bigger problem arose when I brought it up that I felt disappointed from the lack of support. He said “you had a 2 hour foot surgery it isn’t that serious” also said “i’m in more pain than you” because he lost $400 that day trading, also “there’s people in a war right now” “stop sooking” “just take more pain killers” just to list a few things. I know that there are people going through worse things than me currently. But this feeling of lack of support is really getting to me. Things are really good between us when we are together in person. AIBU to be so upset by this? I’m worried if i ask family members for advice they might dislike him for this.

WTAF are you on about?
Do you think working two hours a day is acceptable?
Was this meant to be a joke?

Ah well. Now you know

You can't rely on him. He is broken

Thanks everyone for the input, still no visit and i’m now being called “abusive” for bringing up how let down and disappointed i feel. Obviously i’m going through a tough time and have lots of time to think about this all. I appreciate everyone’s messages ❤️‍🩹

Sending you very best wishes. At least you've found out now, while you're young. Thank God you're not married to the useless piece of skin.

Have you dumped him yet or are you hanging around for more of the same shitty treatment?

Relationships are not just about being around for the good fun parts.

If he can't be supportive now it's best not to waste anymore time on him. You are too young to be settling for this. No one should settle for this

Ah ok cool, thank you. He's still a knobber though!

The key thing is that you wouldn’t treat him like this, so don’t accept it from him. You are very young and will find someone better, kinder and more loving. End it and tell him why.

And you men aren't happy unless you are making pathetic and puerile comments on a website that was set up to support women.

OP's partner sounds like a lazy workshy arsehole who couldn't give a toss about her and she should dump him.

Dump him and raise your bar @NiftyRoseDreamer
You deserve better. 💐

Non weight bearing does not mean confined to bed/room for 6weeks, get crutches, even a knee replacement you’re up and about the same day. I don’t think our NHS suggests anyone remains bedridden for a knee op, it’s not a good road to recovery.

Just bear in mind that he is one of the causes of your current tough time. It's easier to be single and lonely than lonely within a relationship. And it's easier to move past loneliness without a weight like that round your neck.

What has happened in your life to this point that you are even questioning if this behaviour is okay? Is this him convincing you that you should beg for scraps of affection, you haven't grown up in a home with a loving relationship as a model, or he's just your first boyfriend and you don't have experience in that way of what a good partner should be? He can't be bothered to work, he gambles (because over 98% of day traders loose money so no matter what tech-bro he idolises on youtube it is just gambling for the man who thinks he's smarter than the average bear), he doesn't care enough to come and visit (news flash, most people would visit their partner in a week just because they want to see them, regardless of surgery, but with surgery I cannot comprehend a loving relationship where you wouldn't want to be there to support them), I've got the ick and I've never even met him!

Are you actually going to bin him off this time?

Please don't waste your time thinking about him.
He is an absolutely horrible partner. Take care of yourself and try to forget about the misery he is.

You are mistaking sex and occasional companionship for a commitment. He's not your partner, and he's definitely not your boyfriend. But he is your f-boy, a casual buddy who does not want to be in a relationship but wants all the perks of being in a relationship. If you stay with him, you move forward knowing he is not really in the relationship, he's just there for the benefits, and you cannot expect anything more that that from him.

At some point in time you have to choose to be nicer to yourself. You don't deserve to be treated like that.

Dump the gaslighting bastard, for the love of god. If he’s like this now when it’s still early days (3 years is) and you’ve no shared responsibilities I can’t even begin to tell you how miserable he will make you if you stay with him and have children.

There is someone so much better out there for you.

Where did you respond to many between your OP on 31/3 and my post at 16.07? Hint: you didn’t - nothing for two entire days…

I understand your mentality unwell, but if you start a thread asking for help you need to engage. This forum is full of trolls posters who start threads and sit back laughing as people fall over themselves trying to be helpful.

i didn’t say i would be bedridden the whole 6 weeks only said couldn’t walk properly. I’m bed ridden mostly for the first 2 weeks. Just trying to explain that it’s not a “2 hour foot surgery” that my partner was making it out to be

He's not "gaslighting" - he's just a common or garden cunt.

Wow, his sorry ass would be dumped by me.
Hope you’re doing ok, OP

And 98% YANBU says it all, really!

@WearyAuldWumman OP is not in the UK where a marriage certificate is the be all and end all. She is in Australia. Two years living together is all it takes and that’s easy to do.

https://www.bflc.com.au/we_can_help_you_with/everything-else-in-between/de-facto-relationships-qld/#:~:text=De%20facto%20relationships%20in%20QLD,together%2C%20but%20are%20not%20married.

He’s shown you who he is. Dump him.

I take your point. In that case, it's as well that this happened before they moved in together.