DS playing daddy to his new gfs 4yo

[PlumPuddingPonderer29]

My youngest is 18, he turned 18 in September sostill in college doing his A levels.

In November he announced he had a gf, she was 20, she's now 21 and had a 3, now 4 year old. The child's dad isn't involved apparently. I wasn't pleased at all especially as this is his first relationship and he doesn't seem mature enough to play daddy to someone else’s child and I don't think it's appropriate he's involved with the child already as the poor child will be so confused if he just vanishes esp if bio dad isn't involved already. I personally split with his (and his brother's) dad when they were 11 and 12 and I have had relationships but not introduced them and they are older than 3/4.

He goes to her flat a lot (hasn't stayed overnight yet though) and back in Feb when it was half term, the child had been sick the day before but was better but still couldn't go to nursery because of the 48hr rule and I think she had a hair appointment or something so ds had him in our house and spent the time playing videogames (WWE so not exactly appropriate around a just turned 4yo). They'd only been together for 3 months.

I have spoken to him about making sure he uses protection and he rolled his eyes and said that's none of my business. He said his brother became a dad abut 3 weeks before he turned 17 and I didn't say he was too young but granddaughter is his daughter not anyone else’s so he's always going to be in her life even though he isn't with her mum anymore but it won't be the case for ds. I still do think he is too young as he's now in his first year of uni, granddaughter is 3 and he hardly sees her and doesn't make the effort at weekends but that'a another issue.

DS is now saying he plans on going on the train to Edinburgh (we're in Manchester ) to introduce his dad to his gf and the child at some point during the Easter holidays (he breaks up on Thursday) and that's just totally inappropriate to me

I don't know what to do. I'm in 2 minds whether to report the gf to social services but they won't do anything and the I know that's bu

Happy to answer any questions

Report her for what?

What do you want to report the gf for?
Leaving her child in your son s care?
He is an adult

I would be concerned in those circumstances but YABVU in your approach to this.

You are soooo judgmental of her for being a young mum but your son was very young he had a child!

DS is now saying he plans on going on the train to Edinburgh (we're in Manchester ) to introduce his dad to his gf and the child at some point during the Easter holidays (he breaks up on Thursday) and that's just totally inappropriate to me

I agree with you.
I'm assuming you're no longer with your son's dad.
Anyway, if that's what they want to do, obviously you can't stop them.

My worry would be that the new girlfriend gets pregnant.

You're right that your son shouldn't have been introduced to this young child so early in the relationship.

You can't report the woman to SS.

I’m not arguing that any of this is ideal for the child, or probably for your daft son, but report her?! Don’t be so silly. Of all the cases referred to social services, a child meeting his mother’s new boyfriend will be at the very bottom of their shit list!

OP son doesn’t have a son

Mind your own business. Leave the young people to sort their life. It isn't your life.

Stay out of it. He is an adult and whatever your opinion, it’s nothing to do with you.

I agree she shows poor judgment leaving her child with a boyfriend she has only known a couple of months, there was a high profile case recently where in a very similar circumstance the mums boyfriend killed the baby. Yanbu to be upset that your son has a gf with poor judgment and worried about what will happen. However, he is an adult and youve done all you can to warn him about contraception and the best interest of the child, now you need to let them make their own mistakes, not least because IF it does work out with them as a couple you’ll want to be on good terms with her (and any more grandkids).

sorry to hear about your other son neglecting his child I hope the mum still lets you be an active grandma

id be tempted to suggest to your 18 year old son that if he wants to hang out with a little boy he should be a hands on uncle and include his nephew in days out with the kids etc, as I’m sure your ex daughter in law would love the break and the child would love it!

That's more the reason to be concerned rather than overjoyed.

Ps watch the girlfriend on Netflix you’ll love it!

Did you report your kid for having a baby young?!

Although I agree it's not ideal that your son is already involved with the child given the relationship is so new. BUT you have bigger fish to fry in helping your younger son be an effective father to a child whose wellbeing you should have a vested interest in.

I mean, if social services would be an option (which it's not) it's your younger son who should be reported for failing to look after his child, not your older son's girlfriend.

No, but he has a daughter (a
child, as the post said). One that he doesn’t bother seeing, per the OP. The OP’s other son.

There is nothing for you to report, OP.

To me he isn't an adult, he's still at school, just because he's 18 doesn't making him an adult. There's a difference between being 18 still being in school/college and 18 away at uni. There's 11 months between my ds’s so I've witnessed it. Eldest and his friends were and are at completely different stages to youngest

I'm not judging her for being a young mum, yes my eldest ds was a dad a few weeks before he turned 16 but that was a totally different situation to this. I just think it's inappropriate that the poor child will lose another dad when they split up. And 3 months in he shouldn't even have met him let alone looked after him alone. He seemed to meet him straight away with going to her flat etc. They only started dating in November when he told me.

I said I know it's unreasonable to be thinking of Ss and I won't obviously.

Unlike your own granddaughter who only lost her own father?

I'd be more concerned about your other son ignoring his own child.

I know right. "The circumstances were different" yeah it's ops son so it's okay to be a 15 year old deadbeat dad 🙄🙄

Have you got a good relationship with your other son's ex, so that you can see your grand-daughter?

I am sure you've tried to her your son to be a better father to the little girl.

I'd probably concentrate more effort on trying to get your other son to step up for his child.

Being 18 DOES make him an adult, however you may feel about it.

I understand some of your concerns but social services??! Seriously??! You really need to get a grip.

I hope this is bollocks, but on the off-chance...I find your thinking odd. There is no difference between an 18yo at 6th form and the same age at university and it clearly didn't make 'D'S1 anymore responsible.
You've had 'the chat' with DS2, that's about all you can do. I'd be far more concerned about DGC than a stranger whose life you cannot realistically do anything about.

As I've said twice now I know it's unreasonable to be thinking of social services and I won't... I wasn't even going to before I posted I just thought about it for a small second

And again with regards to my eldest being a dad it's a totally different situation, he does see her but not often as he's away at uni and doesn't come home for weekends but when he's home for holidays he does see her as much as her mum allows. It's not relevant to this post at all I only added it because youngest DS said that we'll he's old enough to be a dad. Wish I hadn't now as I'm being piled on by posters who don't know the situation AT ALL and I don't need their advice about that. It's not ehybim posting

I imagine if it was an 18yo girl playing mummy to her new bfs 4yo the replies would be veryyy different

And no ones offered any actual advice apart from “stay out of it” when it's under my roof he's brought him here (which I didn't know about until after when I got home and saw them)