DS playing daddy to his new gfs 4yo

[PlumPuddingPonderer29]

My youngest is 18, he turned 18 in September sostill in college doing his A levels.

In November he announced he had a gf, she was 20, she's now 21 and had a 3, now 4 year old. The child's dad isn't involved apparently. I wasn't pleased at all especially as this is his first relationship and he doesn't seem mature enough to play daddy to someone else’s child and I don't think it's appropriate he's involved with the child already as the poor child will be so confused if he just vanishes esp if bio dad isn't involved already. I personally split with his (and his brother's) dad when they were 11 and 12 and I have had relationships but not introduced them and they are older than 3/4.

He goes to her flat a lot (hasn't stayed overnight yet though) and back in Feb when it was half term, the child had been sick the day before but was better but still couldn't go to nursery because of the 48hr rule and I think she had a hair appointment or something so ds had him in our house and spent the time playing videogames (WWE so not exactly appropriate around a just turned 4yo). They'd only been together for 3 months.

I have spoken to him about making sure he uses protection and he rolled his eyes and said that's none of my business. He said his brother became a dad abut 3 weeks before he turned 17 and I didn't say he was too young but granddaughter is his daughter not anyone else’s so he's always going to be in her life even though he isn't with her mum anymore but it won't be the case for ds. I still do think he is too young as he's now in his first year of uni, granddaughter is 3 and he hardly sees her and doesn't make the effort at weekends but that'a another issue.

DS is now saying he plans on going on the train to Edinburgh (we're in Manchester ) to introduce his dad to his gf and the child at some point during the Easter holidays (he breaks up on Thursday) and that's just totally inappropriate to me

I don't know what to do. I'm in 2 minds whether to report the gf to social services but they won't do anything and the I know that's bu

Happy to answer any questions

This is where you need to step back. You are entitled to your opinions but your son is an adult now and you have to let him live his life. Of course offer advice if needed but in this situation I would suggest to leave him to his own devices, you will end up pushing him away.

My nan said the same about my auntie, she had a child and the new man was playing daddy, she didnt like him at all.

Said child is now in her late 30s and hes not playing daddy he became dad and still his to her, and the 2 more they had together.
Still together and very happy.

So many are saying it's not your business but I can see why you're concerned. If the girlfriend gets pregnant it will most likely involve you somehow.weather it's financial support or moving in with you.You're understandably concerned about your young son rushing into something that will alter his future and he may not be ready for what's coming. From my perspective many mothers would want to give advice to their child . That's all you can do because kids will do what they want anyway.

The OPs older son could get someone else pregnant. She has no idea what he's getting up to at uni

I think this women your son is associating with. is just using him as she doesn't seem to have much support.

She may also be playing collecting father's and milking the Benefit System by having four or more children. One after another. So that she doesn't have to work

If it wasn't him. It would be someone else. Do you think your son is a bit jealous of his brother who is already a father.

Either way l hope he soon sees sense.

I'm more concerned that a 4 year old was being exposed to video games tbh

Wow. Judgemental much. How horrible to judge a young woman like this. My mum had two kids and we have two different dads - she worked all her life. What a nasty horrible post. Oh and by the way. If you know anything about the benefits system which you clearly do not - having kids doesn't stop someone from having to look for work. Maybe the OP would be better concentrating on her oldest son who has abandoned his child rather than slating this young woman

Jealous of his brother. His brother who was a dad weeks after his 16th birthday. Having under age sex with a girl but he was co erced into it. It's really telling that the OP states that her son was co erced into having sex by pals bigging him up and egging him on - but she seems to blame the gf for getting pregnant. No one forced her son to have sex with this girl - that's the bottom line. He was not forced into it. She said that herself

Lots of teens are put under pressure to sleep with people before they are ready - they don't all have to do it - stop blaming this girl for the choices your son made.

And I strongly suspect she thinks he was co erced to try and salvage some pride over it. Some older boys egged him on and bigged him up - that does not explain why he slept with that girl

Because there's no way she got pregnant the first time they had sex. He was a dad a few weeks before he was 16. He could have been sleeping with this girl when he was 14. And her other son who is 18 is being hung out to dry for having a gf with a child

Stop punishing your son for the mistakes your other son made. You cannot in a million years think it's ok that your son is off to uni and he could be sleeping with women left right and centre. Doesn't care about his child but your other son has to be reported to social services for taking his gf to Edinburgh

If I were in that position at 18 and my mum reported my bf - I would never ever talk to them again

I really hope your oldest son pays maintenance for his daughter - that's the least he could do given that he's abandoned her.

I am sorry that your son was sexually assaulted as a child and it resulted him fathering a child. I understand why he does not want to be in contact.

However, when you bring something like this up in the op, it is relevant to the story and I feel like it is understandable to want to understand what it means.

But as for your younger son. I don't think you can do a lot. You can say that you won't babysit. That they are not welcome at yours. You can advice on birthcontrol and not get too involved as a daddy but still be a good partner. She shouldn't have introduced her child, but damage is done but you cant force him to end the relationship and kicking him out won't end in desired result.

People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones ..

Nothing you can do, he’s young but he’s also an adult now and free to make his own choices.

The horse has already bolted, acceptance would be more realistic.

There’s only a small age gap between them, which is a positive.

You’d be better to stay close and try and be there to support him, rather than judging him.

SS will think you are a loon if you involve them unless a massive backstory.

I would have suggested a different game and why though.

He wants to hang out with rhe mum and the child is part of the package. Him being a good uncle or not is neither here nor there.

He was in a relationship with the mother for two years after she got pregnant. The circumstances of the child being conceived doesn't mean that he never sees her - he does see her - but only on his terms