To be unsure of new DSS set up

[hackson]

My partners 16 year old son has recently told his Dad (my DH) that he would like to be at our house every school holiday, for the entire duration. Currently we have him every weekend and half of every school holiday. DH is of course thrilled.

I get on well with DSS but my concerns are:

1. DP is self employed and never has a week day off. He’s out of the house 6:30-4:30 every day, even in the holidays.
2. I work from home.

This new set up would mean it would be just me and DSS 5 days a week. My DS would be here for part of the time, and at his Dad’s part of it. I feel a little overwhelmed at the thought. AIBU to feel this way? I feel guilty!

At 16 he’s probably fairly independent? So wouldn’t need your input too much I’d guess.

He’s independent in the sense that he can make his own food etc, but when he’s here he doesn’t leave the house at all, even in the school holidays.

Is he just gaming all the time?

How you feel if your son wanted to stay with you for the whole time?

What age is your own son? Do they get on ok?

At 16 I wouldn't be too bothered personally. If he's anything like my 14yo SS, he'll stay in bed til late morning or noonish, sort food himself, game or watch tv, walk the dog, grunt at regular intervals 😂

How far away does his mum live?

He’s 10. Yes I guess, but they’re very different ages!

She lives about 45 minutes away.

Gaming and wandering aimlessly around the house mostly!

It’s his home too so make the best of it

Has he not asked what you think? Is it your house, his or shared? Why does SS not want to spend any of his holidays with mother?

What will your 10 year old be doing? Does he go to holiday camps?

No not really asked what I think. It’s both our house. DSS prefers being at ours as dad is a bit more laid back than mum.

hi, coming from the POV of the resident parent rather than a step parent I think it’s lovely at his age that he wants some more time with his dad but is he getting it the hours his dad works? As he’s self employed is there any chance dad can work less hours during the hols so the pressure isn’t all on you?

When it’s his time with me during the holidays he’s out with his friends nearly the entire time (they all live on our street). I also take annual leave from work and take him places etc.

What, why? Why isn’t he out with mates or getting a part time job or something? Taking part in sport? I wouldn’t be impressed about that. Your husband needs to sort that out.

If his dad is home by say 5pm that gives them the whole evening together. How does your wfh work with your 10 year old? On the days he’s not with his own dad.

My dsc went through a similar stage.

16 men's likely doing gcse's, is it an attempt to avoid the stricter parent on revision?

I think your dh needs to lay down some strong ground rules abiut study time etc

He’ll stay in his room when DH gets home from work. I answered the bit about my son a couple of posts up 😊

He’s 16 and sounds like a decent kid. What’s the pressure?

Has he said why he wants to stay at yours more? Does he perhaps.have much younger siblings there (younger than your son)?

Assuming he's a generally good kid and ye get along, I'd probably agree (it is his home and family too) on the premises that he should at least visit his mother every now and then - whether that's for a few hours or a few days but I'm sure they'd both miss eachother. Also I'd let him know that he's welcome but he'll be chipping in around the house (keep his room tidy, clear up after himself, do the dishes or take out the bins etc from time to time)

I try not to get involved with it. I don’t think it’s healthy but ultimately he’s not my son and it’s not down to me!

Yes he does have a much younger sibling at his mums. I’ve never thought it was ideal not seeing his mum or sibling for weeks on end, but not my decision!

If he stays in his room and isn’t bothering you I don’t think there’s a lot you can do.

He sounds a bit lost - both of his parents are with other people and there are younger children in both houses. Do you know if he has a reasonable relationship with his mother’s partner?