To be unsure of new DSS set up

[hackson]

My partners 16 year old son has recently told his Dad (my DH) that he would like to be at our house every school holiday, for the entire duration. Currently we have him every weekend and half of every school holiday. DH is of course thrilled.

I get on well with DSS but my concerns are:

1. DP is self employed and never has a week day off. He’s out of the house 6:30-4:30 every day, even in the holidays.
2. I work from home.

This new set up would mean it would be just me and DSS 5 days a week. My DS would be here for part of the time, and at his Dad’s part of it. I feel a little overwhelmed at the thought. AIBU to feel this way? I feel guilty!

I meant 'treated your son' not ' tested your sub'

OP I had a step mum who wouldn't let me stay in the house during thr day when I'd finished my GCSEs. I went to friends or sat in thr park til iy was time to go home. So you're doing much better than that (low) bar.

I feel for you step son, neither of his parents are terribly interested in him are they? Could you have a chat with him and his dad and establish some ground rules for when he's with you so you can all get along? E.g not wandering into your room when you're working. Or is it the lounge/living room? Doing his own laundry, emptying the dishwasher, taking the dog out of you have one, keeping his room clean etc.

I'd also encourage him to look for a part time job. There aren't many about at the moment but no harm in trying. I think he should go and visit his mum sometimes and get a gym membership
It's sad that he doesnt seem to have many friends at all, never mind locally.

I know there's not much you can do as his stepmother but I think having a few rules so everyone knows where they stand will make it easier.

I don’t have an office unfortunately, so work from a set up in the living room.

I do think it’s important to have some kind of visit with his mum and brother, being at ours doing nothing and seeing no one for 10 weeks straight can’t be good for his mental health.

@hackson having some time with his dad would be good

Having a living room out of bounds during the day is not conducive to family life

Do your son and DSS interact at all?

I’ve always worked from home but unfortunately there is no where else for me to work other than the living room.

They do interact, they play computer together occasionally. However, during the holidays my son is either with his dad, grandparents or out with his friends.

It is more important for him to spend time with his father instead of it being palmed off on you. Let him disturb his dad when he is working.

Sorry to say but you sound like a complete doormat.

He spends time with him in the evenings and at the weekends, how do you suggest I force DH to be at home during the day? Genuine question!

DH needs to take some time off.

And I like the idea of DSS getting a job, possibly helping his dad?

You need to tell your DH that he is opting out of an important part of fatherhood
If it doesn't want to take time out to spend with him what did that tell you ( and his son) about the king of person he is?

Not talking about the day. Your DH can't even be bothered to take time off in the school holidays.

Genuine question - why doesn't him he take time off for his son?

Do you honestly think he is a good dad?

She can't force him so it must default to her.

Do I think he is a good dad? I don’t know. DSS seems to think so. I do think he’s a better dad than DSS’ mum is a mum.

Is he a better dad than your DS’s dad? Is he a better dad than you are mum to your DS?
If the bar is low already with DSS’s mum it wouldn’t take much , would it?

How is he a good dad? He never takes time off in the holidays for his son. He has shoved the responsibility onto you. DH is so thrilled that his son wants to spend more time at his home while still refusing to take time off his holidays. He gets work in peace while DSS bothers you while you are trying to work.

Is your bar really that depressingly low for fathers?

I agree you can't actually force him, but what would happen if you told him that it was extremely important he took time off to spend with DSS and you expected him to do it?

The DH doesn't care and can't think for himself about what his first son needs.

Why have a dog and bark yourself? He has got OP to keep his son entertained

You dont know if you THINK he's a good Dad or not? How can you marry a man not knowing if you THINK he is a good dad or not? That seems bizarre

I would have said he was a good dad, yes. But there are lots of comments on here telling me he isn’t.

What makes you think he is a good father?

Most parents would take time off for their DC? He seems to have been dumped by his DM at a hugely important time in DSS’s life. A good dad would be doing everything he could to support him, which isn’t just providing a roof over his head

.

I don't think the OPs son is her DHs.

Yes my mistake.

So you do think he is a good dad? Why say you don't know then. It's wild.

People on here commenting only have a very small view on his parenting

First son? How many has he got?