To be unsure of new DSS set up

[hackson]

My partners 16 year old son has recently told his Dad (my DH) that he would like to be at our house every school holiday, for the entire duration. Currently we have him every weekend and half of every school holiday. DH is of course thrilled.

I get on well with DSS but my concerns are:

1. DP is self employed and never has a week day off. He’s out of the house 6:30-4:30 every day, even in the holidays.
2. I work from home.

This new set up would mean it would be just me and DSS 5 days a week. My DS would be here for part of the time, and at his Dad’s part of it. I feel a little overwhelmed at the thought. AIBU to feel this way? I feel guilty!

Have you shared these concerns with his dad?
I'd make it clear DSS is welcome always, but as he has no friends in the area and will spend all his time indoors while you are trying to work, DH needs to books some odd days leave here and there to spend time with him and get him out and about.

OP just accepts that her DH does not take any leave for school holidays. That is her job - wifework

I asked you earlier on in the post - how do you suggest I force DH to take time off work?

I answered that. Nobody is saying force him but you seem to be some sort of doormat. You can work elsewhere - library, cafe, book a working space then DSS can't bother you saying he is bored. No force needed.

I wonder how thrilled DH would be then to have his son.

You clearly explain that he needs to be there X% of the time to actually parent HIS son.

What would happen if you just asked him to and pointed out why?

You shouldn’t have to force him to take leave for his son

So she has to leave her own home and work elsewhere because a teenager can't sort his shit out

I have suggested he take time off before but it ended up being only a couple of days during the last summer holidays.

I know, unfortunately he just seems to think that not working equates to no money.

I do think he’s a better dad than DSS’ mum is a mum.

Do you know what "damned with faint praise" means? You don't set much of a bar do you?

If the fact that he is neglecting his older son doesn't bother your DH then there's not much you can do but I would forcefully put it to him that he is neglecting his older son's needs. And it does not bode well for your own son's future so I would confront this issue now.

It's not only about spending time with his son and entertaining him, it's also about taking an interest in him and supporting him to find something worthwhile to do and encouraging him to do it. Not just leaving him in his room all day at a loose end.

That's a father's job. Not yours. His.

unfortunately he just seems to think that not working equates to no money.

Does he complain that the only thing women want from a husband is money?

He’s being a typical teen then isn’t he? He doesn’t want to have rules, most teenagers get like this. He’ll get bored when he’s knackered as a result. If he’s anything like my 16 year old he’ll only surface for food anyway so you won’t know he’s there.

My son isn’t DH’s.

Better than him disturbing her while she is working.

It is the useless pathetic DH who is the issue here.

Does he need to be told this is what being a parent is about?

He sounds dim.

By leaving the useless fucker and then he'll have to sort something out

Well he wouldn't... he'd just leave the 16yo home alone, wouldn't he?

But then maybe he won't be so thrilled to have his DS as he won't have OP to do the wifework

Oh well, that's all right then. Not. He's neglecting his own son, he's not going to be stepdad of the year to yours.

So there's a strong argument in favour of leaving the useless fucker and his son while you look after your own, but it is up to you. Maybe there are other reasons in favour of staying with him. I dunno.