“You are lucky to get £7”

[LemonadeCake]

I’ve been debating whether to just close my child maintenance claim altogether. My ex pays £7 a week and always has and realistically, it’s been years, he’s never going to get a job, so it’s not likely to change.

I mentioned this to someone and they told me I was “lucky” to even get £7 because they get nothing 🤦‍♀️

Am I being unreasonable to feel a bit annoyed by that? Am I really supposed to feel grateful for £7 a week? It barely covers anything it might as well be nothing, and honestly sometimes I think I’d rather it was nothing than this token amount that makes no real difference but means he can say he “pays” for the children. Theres been times when I’ve got nothing due to him having debts that take priority but I’ve never once felt anyone else was lucky to receive maintenance for their children.

They then said their ex has the kids every other weekend so that’s why they don’t get anything… but if I’m honest, I’d rather have that arrangement. At least then you’ve got some time to yourself and a bit less day-to-day cost. But obviously that’s not something you can say out loud without it sounding awful but it’s ok to tell me I'm lucky?

Is the bar really this low now? 🤷‍♀️

The bar is in hell girl 🥺 x

I suppose when you're getting nothing at all, £28 per month is better than a kick in the arse.

But I totally get what you mean OP.

£7 is an embarrassingly disgraceful ‘contribution’ towards you raising children.
My pride would immediately tell him I was donating this elsewhere just so he didn’t think I was relying on it because it’s a pitiful gesture.
You aren’t lucky at all op.

I’d be better off financially though if my ex had them 4 weekends a month than paying £7 and never seeing them so it’s all relative but I’d be shot down in flames if I said someone was lucky they got 4 weekends a month.

But I wouldn't close the claim.

I'd put the £28 away each month for the kids when they're older.

But obviously I'd tell them YOU saved that money for them because you did.

Thanks thats why I want to cancel it because it’s a pathetic contribution

You would be but it's hypothetical as it's not going to happen.

Don't close the claim because of it.

That wouldn’t be the reason I want to close it it’s because I want no further ties to him. He doesn’t see our children and I don’t want anything from him if he doesn’t want to be a father I don’t want to chase him for pennies.

Always someone who wants to be more hard done by op. £7 is an absolute insult.

I get it, honestly we're just different that's all.

I'd be asking myself would I buy him a gift every month worth £28?

Some expensive wine, chocolates, a new shirt, or treat him to a takeaway?

No I bloody wouldn't, so I wouldn't be gifting him the money either, which is exactly what you're doing if you close the claim.

Although I get why you might see it differently.

I like the idea of ring fencing the £28 and doing something with it each month, if you can afford to..a day out, or a meal or a subscription or something. I mean its beyond pathetic but we all know this.

You don’t have to have any ties with him. You just take the money. And put it in the children’s bank account accounts you’d be surprised what it will add up to with compounded interest by the time the child is 18.

@LemonadeCake This is intra-team rivalry. You're both victims of the system. You both deserve more. More help, more money, more sympathy, more support.

Yes it's a ridiculous amount but if he's on benefits I guess he doesn't have much to live on. Excluding health reasons these men should be made to take any job to support their kids. It's shocking what they get away with.

They don’t mean that they literally see you as lucky, it’s just a casual way to compare like for like and say they don’t get as much of that (regardless of contact etc)

They said you are lucky to get that as I get nothing, as stated I got nothing for 3 years, never occurred to me to think anyone else was lucky

It’s an insulting amount I agree but still take it. I’d use it for a day out per month or save it all up and once a year do something Approx £300 would be enough for a weekend away in a caravan.

If my ex had been made to pay me anything I’d have taken it. I was a lone parent after an awful court case stopping all contact. So I got no weekends or days or hours off and not one penny of child maintenance. now my dc is a grown up I can proudly know I covered every day every meal every need alone but my situation is not the norm. at the time I just felt sad that my friends got cm and eowe to themselves and I was working 3 jobs to feed us.

comparison is such a negative thing and just makes everyone feel worse.

I don’t think anyone genuinely thinks you are lucky.

CMS is still payable even if the non resident parent has them every other weekend, and so I’m not sure why the comment about not getting any CMS because of that was made

Bloody hell. My son is 38 now. ExH only gave me £15 pw when he was small, and I thought I was being shafted!

That amount is ridiculous.

No one is “lucky” to get small or average amounts of child maintenance. It’s literally the bare minimum the government deem acceptable dependent on income.

I only think a single parent is “lucky” if their ex is a very high earner so they get a huge amount of maintenance, for example 4 figures a month, enough to have a nice lifestyle.

FWIW I get nothing at all but exh does have them EOW and some of the holidays. I don’t think I’m “lucky” because he has that time. No one thinks he is lucky that I do the majority of the parenting and pay for everything, oh no. That’s considered my job.

I don’t believe it is if the NRP is on benefits and has overnight contact pretty sure they don’t have to pay.

£30 wouldnt even be enough to go out anywhere tbh

Don’t cancel it, I would put it in an account and just let it sit there then split whatever is in there between your children when they are 18, it might pay for a few driving lessons or something by then.
It is an absolute joke, but he owes you so much more that I absolutely wouldn’t cancel the paltry amount he has to pay.
Does he not see them at all?

I'd keep taking it and I'd start a "Magic of £7 💫" photo album to take weekly pictures of how I've spent it each week.

I don't know what I'd do with it, but I think it would both give me an ironic laugh hut also boost my confidence that I'm really fine without him and just how pathetically useless he is.

Like imagine looking at a photo of the 2 pack of polo shirts and comparing them to the jumper, shoes and PE kit you've bought them. Or the one welly he has bought out of all the pairs of shoes. Or the one plate of food he has put on the table all week. Or half of one haircut for one child.

No contact in 3 years