Wedding Aftermath

[Greenhairedmonstor]

I have been mulling on this for a week. I only want opinions as I don’t know what to think and I am not going to say anything to anybody.

DH, my step-children 13 and 17 and I were invited to a wedding on DH’s side.

My children 9 and 12 weren’t.

While I don’t blame groom and while my children have their own father and I have lots of childcare I felt weird about going to a family wedding without my children so I decided not to go,

My husband however, contacted the groom and very generously they invited my children however when we got to the reception my children were on a different table. They were on a table together about four tables away from me, with two couples and a baby. They were pleasant people.

My daughter kept coming over to me and a waitress asked her politely to sit down as they were going to bring out the main course.

My husband asked my stepson to swap seats but he refused and my sister-in-law was quite sarcastic. I didn’t know what to do so finally I swapped seats with my own son.

My stepchildren appeared to be annoyed by this.

What would you have done?

I would have let DH and his kids go. It's a wedding on their side, not sure if you even knew the bride and groom very well. Asking for two extra guests to be added is SO rude. Weddings are expensive and asking for them to pay for a 9 and 12 yo they didn't know is very CF territory.

Why on earth would you want to go to a wedding which sounds like it was full of folks you didn't know particularly well?

Op, I think you are overthinking it - it’s done.

The thing I do think you need to think about is - what would you do differently if a similar situation arises in the future?

I think your DH was wrong to request an invitation for your dc, and I think the bride and groom were gracious to invite them.

But next time may be different, so be prepared to discuss that with your DH ahead of accepting or rejecting the invitations.

How odd that they didn’t just put you all on a table together.

If you're a fully grown adult it's not embarrassing if your DW/DH doesn't attend a wedding with you. Other adults are allowed to have prior commitments, no need to say it was because her kids weren't invited.

OP certainly didn’t ask her husband to contact the groom’

We don't know this to be fair.

And I think if she didn't know he was going to, the decent response would've been to tell the bride and groom she's embarrassed he went behind her back and that of course they're not to put themselves out by inviting her kids.

Then wish them a great wedding day and leave it at that.

The problem here is you. As you yourself say it is illogical that you felt weird that your kids were not invited to a wedding on your DH's side...it really is not weird and they should and need not have been there. You caused this situation yourself.

How long have you been together? If relatively short time, then maybe that’s why they weren’t invited?

Does your husband go anywhere without his children. You shouldn’t have asked for an invite. The bride and groom should either upheld their lack of invite of move the children to your table.

I see it differently. The whole family should have been invited and seated together. The bride and groom are the problem here, they caused the situation.

...Oh I hate weddings

I think if the DH lives with and treats the younger kids as his step children it's actually rather rude to invite the blood-related kids and not his steps!
Staying home with younger children would have been fine. Once they were invited it should have been expected that at least one of the parents would need to sit with them.

I can see the whole thing was awkward for everyone, including you Op.

This is why I don't know why weddings don't go back to being a dance for all in the village hall with a cup of mulled wine and some wedding cake. It's not as though the meal - cooked to be ready for all at the same moment, usually in a makeshift kitchen - is ever worth the angst over who can come, who can't.

But to make any more comment on who was right, who was wrong, I would be wondering, does your DD often get her own way - which might explain the annoyance of the SS - and what WAS the sarcastic comment from SIL?

But she didn’t decline the invitation, did she? She said she won’t go so her poor husband had to call and ask the groom to invite extra people that hadn’t been invited in the first place. That’s not politely declining an invitation. That’s putting the bride and groom in a difficult spot. If that’s not a strop, I don’t know what is…

But why lie? It is the reason she wouldn’t attend? Am sure this will of course be reciprocated and ops kids won’t attend anything with their step sibs now?

And yet the advice on here is she should have not gone as per her original plan if she had come on here asking for advice she would have been told not to ask for her children to be included but to send dh and his kids alone and protests would have been met with are you insecure? Not everything is about you let them go to their family event ffs

I agree
honestly why bother
we spent a fortune on partners we didn’t know and children we’ve never met before or since.

Inviting work colleagues was a waste of money too. Once we moved offices we never saw the majority ever again.
We Should have stuck to very close friends and family we knew would stick around because we already had a close relationship with

From the 80 seated and
200 evening guests
we could have cut that number to about 30. We’d have had more desert to share around and a bigger deposit for a house

You live and learn but I do hope my sons don’t fall into the same financial trap.

< blimey, how negative I sound >

He didn't have to call he chose too not everything is the OPs fault

They were rude not to invite your children (sure, they can invite whomever they wish etc etc, but come on - inviting just some of the kids in any given family setup is not generous in my opinion) but once there you should have been able to manage with the seating arrangements you describe.

He chose to because his wife said she won’t go. Imagine having to be put in the position to explain why your wife refuses to attend the wedding. Poor chap didn’t have a choice , did he?

Just wondering how many people feel like jumping off a bridge each time a wedding invitation arrives ...

I would have done exactly the same op and not gone if my kids weren’t invited (no hard feelings just left dh to go spend time with his family. )
it was lovely of them to include your dc, it’s a bit awkward your dh asked and will have come across as him asking on your behalf but it also depends on how close they are.
id assume they sat your kids at a different table due to seating logistics but I feel
for them as I assume they wouldn’t know anyone. Your dd getting up is not ideal during service and swapping seats was the best thing to do. Your dh shouldn’t really have asked him to. I can’t understand why your sil or step children should be annoyed. It doesn’t affect them if you swap seats. I think you managed it on the best way and if anyone was funny about it they are rude.

He didn’t have to tell them, his wife intended to decline. There’s many reasons people do t attend weddings. He asked presumably because he wanted his wife to go to the wedding

Yes, I would have done exactly the same. Why do you always have to come as a set? It's not an enjoyable occasion for your kids anyway and you are within your rights to socialise independently. Refusing to come without your children was rather odd to begin with.

I love weddings and I don’t think there needs to be any drama, never had any issues in all the years I have attended weddings. I think lots of people choose to make them a traumatic experience with their strange behaviour.

I’d have just gone with my DH and SC, arranged good childcare and had a good time.

You made a point by refusing to go unless your own kids went. If I’d have been the bride I’d have been annoyed. A wedding is so stressful without other people’s views on who should or should not be invited and where everyone sits. Table planning is hideous and your DC were last minute.

A wedding is not a social event for the benefit of others. Particularly where blended families are involved.