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Original poster

Wedding Aftermath

418 replies

Greenhairedmonstor · 28/03/2026 15:16

I have been mulling on this for a week. I only want opinions as I don’t know what to think and I am not going to say anything to anybody.

DH, my step-children 13 and 17 and I were invited to a wedding on DH’s side.

My children 9 and 12 weren’t.

While I don’t blame groom and while my children have their own father and I have lots of childcare I felt weird about going to a family wedding without my children so I decided not to go,

My husband however, contacted the groom and very generously they invited my children however when we got to the reception my children were on a different table. They were on a table together about four tables away from me, with two couples and a baby. They were pleasant people.

My daughter kept coming over to me and a waitress asked her politely to sit down as they were going to bring out the main course.

My husband asked my stepson to swap seats but he refused and my sister-in-law was quite sarcastic. I didn’t know what to do so finally I swapped seats with my own son.

My stepchildren appeared to be annoyed by this.

What would you have done?

OP posts:
Mathsdebator · 28/03/2026 15:18

Unless NT your childrena are 9 and 12. Old enough to sit at a table in the same room as you. You should have told her to sit down.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 28/03/2026 15:21

Sounds like the couple felt pressured to invite your children and were a bit petty in where they placed them.

Why should the stepson swap when it was his family’s wedding? Your children were both old enough to be fine unless you drip feed that there is neurodiversity.

tilypu · 28/03/2026 15:23

Why was your sister in law involved?

I wouldn't expect a 17 or a 13 year old to go and sit at a table of strangers. It's not their fault that a last minute invitation was arranged for your children.

How many seats were there per table?

If it was difficult for you daughter to sit without you then the sensible thing to do is what you did.

LoveWine123 · 28/03/2026 15:23

This is a bit weird on all sides. In OP’s shoes I would not have made them invite the children, there was no need for it. And if I were the bride and groom I would not have pit the kids on another table…they probably did that because they were a last minute addition and it would have been difficult to rearrange all the tables or because they wanted to make a point. In any case, I think you were being unreasonable to ask and take the kids to the wedding.

Mayflowerz · 28/03/2026 15:24

To be honest I can’t believe your husband contacted the groom about it. Should have just let your husband and step kids go.

stichguru · 28/03/2026 15:24

So you pressured the groom into inviting your children or your husband did, then you made a fuss about where they were seated - how rude.

Original poster
Greenhairedmonstor · 28/03/2026 15:25

My kids are neuro-typical but my daughter is shy and was very uncomfortable without me.

I wasn’t happy that they were separated from me but I did encourage her to sit with her brother but she became increasingly distressed.

OP posts:
5128gap · 28/03/2026 15:27

You should have swapped with one of your DC from the get go really so you sat with one on the 'stranger table' and the other sat with DH and step sibs on theirs.
Your DH was wrong to ask 17 yo to swap. Why should they have to move when you were able to?
However, I'd really not overthink it. The B&G were kind. It was one dinner. No harm done.

Bonbontutu · 28/03/2026 15:28

I would have sat with one of the children and my husband would have sat with the other. Especially at the point one of the children was roaming around 🤷🏻‍♂️

TMFF · 28/03/2026 15:29

Gosh, the bride and groom do sound as though they were pressured there.

Quite why you couldn't have gone without them is beyond me. Kids need to learn it's nice to be invited to everything but for various reasons, it's not always possible.

Your 9 and 12 year olds let you down if they wouldn't follow a simple instruction to remain seated while the food was being brought out/eaten.

BruisedNeckMeat · 28/03/2026 15:29

So you wanted a table to yourselves and another couple to share with strangers so that your children could be accommodated?

BMW6 · 28/03/2026 15:29

Perhaps you should have taken her home - being so shy among all those strangers must have been terrible that she couldn't endure an hour sat at a table with a sibling but not with you.

Original poster
Greenhairedmonstor · 28/03/2026 15:29

I don’t think my husband put overt pressure on the groom but I definitely didn’t cause a scene at someone’s wedding. I quietly swapped seats.

OP posts:
TMFF · 28/03/2026 15:30

And I agree with PPs, that you should've sat with your daughter immediately when she started playing up.

Listlostlast · 28/03/2026 15:30

Seating plans are the most god awful headache so I don’t blame them for not bending over backwards moving everyone around (for the millionth time!) when they hadn’t accounted for your children being there in the first place. It was rude of your husband to twist the grooms arm, however politely he did it, and then you all caused a bit of a hoo-hah over where you were sitting. Bit awkward for you all round really, your behaviour, as a family, on the whole, was pretty rude and entitled.

TMFF · 28/03/2026 15:31

Greenhairedmonstor · 28/03/2026 15:29

I don’t think my husband put overt pressure on the groom but I definitely didn’t cause a scene at someone’s wedding. I quietly swapped seats.

You threw a mini tantrum by refusing to go though.

Your husband should never have contacted them and told them why.

'A prior appointment' is all anyone needed to say.

Auroraloves · 28/03/2026 15:33

I think you did the right by swapping. It’s ok that your child is shy and not comfortable in a table full of strangers. On your table who else was sat there apart from husband and step children?

was the table you ended up on further away from the top table?

27pilates · 28/03/2026 15:34

I’d have stuck to my original plan and not gone to the wedding, or I’d have gone but had my own 2 children minded. I’d never have gone along with my own 2 kids in these circumstances because it’s mortifying. The couple must have felt under pressure to do that. Why on earth did your husband tell the couple the exact reason for your original decline 🤦‍♀️.

catipuss · 28/03/2026 15:35

I imagine the table allocations had been done well in advance and they probably added a table for last minute guests or there were spare seats at that table. Your children should be able to sit through a meal at a different table to you and changing seats may have looked a bit rude. Your DH shouldn't have asked his son to move it was his family wedding and the tables are often hierarchical. If his children are upset I would apologise and explain that your DD is younger and was getting distressed it wasn't meant to upset him. You really can't take it on yourself to re-arrange the seating at someone else's wedding.

FancyBiscuitsLevel · 28/03/2026 15:35

I don’t think it’s reasonable to put a 9 year old on a table at a wedding without a parent, it’s very rude and if you want children to sit nicely with good table manners, you really should have the common sense to put a parent with them to keep an eye on them/correct bad behaviour.

Your step-children are also children. In fact they are teens. The role of teens at a wedding is to be deeply embarrassed by their parents’ behaviour. but part of their annoyance may come down to not seeing your dcs as their family. On reflection, your original plan of staying at home with your DCs was better.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 28/03/2026 15:35

I think you did the right thing sitting with your DD if she was distressed and kept walking over to you... what else could you have done.

Why do the step children get to be annoyed at you for that. Are they in charge or something?

Solost92 · 28/03/2026 15:39

I don't think your children were wrong to be uncomfortable. I would have been at that age. I think the bride and groom should have not allowed them to come if they couldn't seat them with you. It's not the kids fault and it's sad they were sat on their own with strangers while their family were seated together elsewhere.

I'd have gone and sat with my children

Chetchy · 28/03/2026 15:39

Yanbu and I would be appalled at this.
I feel so sorry for your children in this situation.
You should have been placed sitting with them at the very least.

As for your sarcastic SIL?
Avoid going forward.
So much better for children never to be in a blended situation.
Unfortunately you are where you are but going forward have a think carefully about exposing your children to being so completely othered by his family.

Putting you all together is basic decency IMO.

Lomonald · 28/03/2026 15:40

So you were upset that your children no relation to the couple were not invited to a wedding then went in a huff refused to go your husband intervened then the your kids didn't behave at said wedding ! What you should have done is not caused a fuss and told your kid to behave until after dinner.

catipuss · 28/03/2026 15:40

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 28/03/2026 15:35

I think you did the right thing sitting with your DD if she was distressed and kept walking over to you... what else could you have done.

Why do the step children get to be annoyed at you for that. Are they in charge or something?

They asked the stepson to move to let the daughter have his seat at his family wedding, I don't know how close he is to the bride or groom but expecting him to move to a table further away and assigned to non-relatives is a bit much.