Fed up with friend's dog

[Sally20099]

I’m utterly fed up with one of my friends always bringing her dog to our house. Whether she’s dropping in for a 1hr coffee or her full family come around for a couple of hours she always brings her dog. Everyone knows I am not a dog person; it is not a secret. I have two cats who I have to lock away in another room as they are indoor cats, I have to move all the cat food and cat trays as well. They spend the entire time terrified of the barking and hide under the bed. The house is not decorated for dogs - expensive carpet throughout. The dog is left alone all day while they are at work / school and has a walker visit. It can wait on its own for a couple of hours if they go somewhere that isn’t set up for dogs and they aren’t welcome. I love their company and the our eldest is best friends with their daughter but I am sick of the complete lack of bother about my preferences on this. Im not asking them to leave their children at home, it’s a stupid dog FFS. I obviously could be explicit and say don’t bring your dog, but I know she will get really upset - she’s one of these people who think her dog should be able to go into any pub, hotel, park area etc. it’s driving me nuts that she’s so dismissive of my feelings and would rather inconvenience me over herself / dog.

meet her elsewhere?
shes no friend as she doesn’t respect your house so I wouldn’t be fussed about a friendship like that so I would say dogs not welcome

You need to say to her 'sorry, no dog please. My cats dont like it and as an animal owner, you'll understand. Thank you"

I obviously could be explicit and say don’t bring your dog
You've solved the whole problem right there.

Use your words. "The vet says my cats are traumatised by dogs so I am sorry I have to ask you to leave your dog at home when you visit me from now on. Such a shame but you will understand as another animal lover that i have to put my cats' needs first."

Job done.

Just say that whilst you don’t mind the dog, it’s really unfair on the cats and you can’t have them terrified anymore. So sorry, can she leave him at home.

If she gets upset then just say you have to consider the best interest of your pet just like she does hers.

Just tell her the truth, it's distressing your cats and so needs to leave the dog at home.

You lost me at 'stupid dog'

I've said you are being unreasonable because you need to tell her!

Honestly I was almost out at 'the house is not decorated for dogs'! Whose is?

I have voted YANBU to be fed up and not want the dog at your house, but really - just tell her!

Just say 'could you leave Dog at home this time, please' citing cats.

Next time she turns up for a coffee just say 'oh vou leave Fido in the car please' no explanation.

If she challenges offer to go back to her, go for a walk or the nearest cafe.

If you are inviting the family over just say 'we'd love to see you all but please leave Fido'.

You need to use your words. She'll get over it.

You’re putting her wants over your cats needs. Stop! I don’t like dogs and will never have one in my house, ever, under any circumstances. When friends have asked I’ve always been completely honest and said, no, none of us are keen on dogs and we don’t have them in the house. A friend of a friend once said fine they’d leave it in my garden and I said no to that too! Just be honest. If she huffs she huffs, who cares.

The best opportunity was the first time she did it "My house isn't set up for dogs, please don't bring him". But you can still say that now, just don't let her push back with "But he's been loads of times".

Just say the dog can't come to your house so you'll meet at her house or in the park. Nobody needs to suffer.

This. I have cats. Inlaws have dogs - they know full well we won’t allow them in the house. It’s really not that hard to say.

Use your words.

It’s almost as if this was written to wind people up.

‘Stupid dog’ just because you are not a dog person doesn’t mean you need to say that does it? Just turning it in to an another dog hating thread which we seem to have many of these threads daily.

The problem is your friend not her dog. The first time she came round with the dog you should have stopped her at the door step and said you don’t have dogs in the house instead you have let her continue to come round with her dog and not said anything.

Friend shouldn’t be taking the dog anywhere without asking first.
You should have spoken up the first time it happened.
Dog is the innocent party in all this.

How can you be do annoyed when you haven't asked her not to bring her dog?

Ultimately, if the dog is home alone in the week, it is obvious why she will not want to leave it alone during the evenings and weekends.

Of course you don't have to have the dog at yours if you are not comfortable with it. Ask to meet outside or accept that you can't be friends if you can't accept her dog.

Also, how would you feel if she went about you keeping your cats inside and saying 'they're stupid cats FGS'!

My stepson has recently got a ‘therapy’ dog. It caused a huge argument when I said it can’t come here with him every weekend. I wasn’t consulted in any way - it’s my house my dc are scared of dogs and I’m allergic ! Apparently medical need trumps all of that.

I voted you are unreasonable, not for not wanting her dog in your home - thats perfect reasonable but you need to tell her this! "Sorry, your dog visiting is too traumatic for my cats"

Who's the stupid one in this situation?

The dog who cannot speak and has no say in where he is taken.
Or
The homeowner who can speak, but seemingly not the words "Don't bring your dog as he upsets my cats."

I voted unreasonable due to you not being brave enough to utter,
"Please leave the dog at home or outside; you do know that my house is a cats' home".

Exactly. You'll just have to be firm and state explicitly that her dog is not welcome. No explanation required.