Should I tell my partner about drunken kiss with a colleague?

[Rachhh9]

NC’d for this.

Ahhhhh I’m really feeling anxious atm. My own fault I know. I had a drunken kiss/grope with a colleague on a work night out on Friday. Woke up the next morning feeling regret but thinking I’d just forget about it. Now I can’t help feeling so much guilt and that I should tell my long term DP.

Do you think if I just try really hard to forget about it, or fess up? And be clear it meant nothing and I had far too much to drink.

There is a difference between loving someone ans being in love with them

Kissing someone is never an accident

Ok, you can be in love with someone and still kiss someone else, and then afterwards consider that you made a mistake doing that.

And you can be in love with someone who fecks off getting drunk kissing someone else while you're sitting at home too....

Tell him and the he can decide if he wants to be with someone who doesn’t respect him or the relationship he’s in.

But if you are in love with someone you should respect them enough to atleast tell them the truth about your fuck up (though if you love someone you shouldn’t be looking elsewhere anyway)

This is clearly more of an opinion thing. If my partner did this once, felt terrible about it and never did it again then I wouldn’t want to know - why ruin an otherwise good relationship? (and yes, I think you can have an otherwise good relationship even if you make one mistake at some point during it).

How do you not realise they're voting that way because you were unreasonable to cheat on your long term partner..... absolutely mental

Because if my partner missed and touched another man through his jeans I would want to know about it.

Are you really saying you would be fine with your husband kissing and grabbing his coworkers bum and then continuing to work with her whilst admitting finding her attractive and knowing that he is gonna have to try and resist doing it again. You really wouldn’t want to know? Wouldn’t care? Because I certainly would and would be devastated.

No. And stop drinking. Especially around your colleagues.

The other person deserves to know and decide for themselves if they want to continue the relationship. It isn't fair for the person to not only decide to kiss someone but then also decide for them to continue the relationship.

There is absolutely no respect involved at all. It's all about the person not wanting their partner to find out.

Yes of course it's an opinion thing.
Personally I think kissing and groping someone isn't a mistake... and in particular where the OP has been very detailed about this colleagues physique and how she'd need to be cautious around him again.

We don't know if her partner would be of a similar mindset to you or to I.

I think it’s awful to hide something like this. You are denying them the chance to decide if they want to stay in the relationship. If my OH kissed someone else that they will also continue to see 5 days a week then the relationship would be 100% over. Of course we all feel differently and that’s fine, he may be able to get over it but IMO it should be his choice once given the truth and an apology.

Does the OP feel terrible, though? Really?

A mistake is forgetting to buy milk on the way home from work not rubbing another man's hard on through his jeans and admitting you find him more attractive than your partner.

If my partner did the equivalent - snogged another woman, touched her sexually and then lamented that she was more attractive than me and he'd have to be careful in the future, I'd consider the relationship over anyway.

Not very clear what each vote means

I wouldn’t be fine with it - if I found out I’d be very upset. If he very much regretted it and didn’t do it again (with anyone) then I’d rather not know at all. I’m sure he finds other women attractive as i find other men attractive - that’s not an issue.

Finding someone else attractive is normal... but completely different to fondling someone through their clothes on a night out.

Yes it is completely different - that’s what I was saying. I wouldn’t care about that bit. The drunken kiss I would definitely care about and so would rather not know if it was a one-off over a possibly 30 year long relationship. Completely understand other people may think differently though.

no i wouldn’t want to know, nor would I tell, it’s a stupid one off thing. Don’t get so pissed again.

Quite. The only willy-rubbing happening here is by the OP.

As everyone posts under a thread that starts “My DH had a drunken snog and grope with a colleague at a work event. He said that it meant nothing and was a one time thing but I don’t think that I can trust him anymore. What should I do?”

What's it got to do with that poster what other posters on other threads might say? If I said I didn't eat meat would you accuse me of hypocrisy because somewhere on another thread some of the other 8 million users were discussing how much they enjoyed a steak? MN is not one very busy woman with inconsistent views you know.

Some things are honestly better left unsaid. It was unwitnessed, I'm presuming that there is no digital footprint of your brief dalliance that could bite you in the arse, nobody's sexual health was put at risk and there is no chance of an unwanted pregnancy. You don't mention children, but I'm presuming that you have a shared life together, perhaps a home and combined finances, is it really worth imploding your relationship, finances and home over 10 minutes of silly drunken madness(apologies for the arbitary timeframe but this is an estimation)?

I used to work in finance in London. What you have described sounds incredibly tame compared to the brazen behaviour from men sporting wedding rings after work drinks on Friday. These men often had children or even children on the way; they would stumble back on the train to the Home Counties and their spouses would be none the wiser. You can bet that none of those men agonised over their actions.

Give yourself some grace and recognise you are a human being that made a silly mistake after overdoing it on the booze. Despite what some holier than thou, black and white thinking mumsnetters would purport, many of us have been there in some form after overdoing it.

This is how I read the voting to.

I voted YABU due to not wanting him to know, not because you should keep it from him.

OP - Regarding the "other party" in this, you said he was younger than your DP. What's his position in the company - is he junior to you, senior, work in the same team?
Are you his manager?
Is he yours ?
Is he likely to use this as leverage in the workplace in the future?
Is he likely to tell all his mates at work (and out of it) that he thinks he's getting in your knickers at some point ?
Has he already told everyone that he did anyway?

It takes two to tango and he might be thinking he's still on the floor...