Should I tell my partner about drunken kiss with a colleague?

[Rachhh9]

NC’d for this.

Ahhhhh I’m really feeling anxious atm. My own fault I know. I had a drunken kiss/grope with a colleague on a work night out on Friday. Woke up the next morning feeling regret but thinking I’d just forget about it. Now I can’t help feeling so much guilt and that I should tell my long term DP.

Do you think if I just try really hard to forget about it, or fess up? And be clear it meant nothing and I had far too much to drink.

I don't he'd have chosen for it to happen in the first place!

I think you tell him and leave it to him what he wants to do.

You drank and you liked the ego stroking of attention from a younger coworker and cheated.

Address your alcohol use and what's lacking that you cheated because you got attention. Validation comes from within.

If you think this younger colleague will keep your secret, even from his work mates, you could be in for some embarrassment at work.

Couldn't get excited about this tbh but don't drink so much

wtf

I am one of the posters who is against the cheating. My post was directed at someone who criticised me for using a wrong term,

I'm sure he wouldn't. So he should at least be given the dignity of choosing whether he wants to stay in the relationship or not.

Rather than operating under the illusion that his partner doesn't do this sort of thing.

My point still does stand that men and women are treated differently in these situations even if I didn’t word it how maybe was best.

if a man came on here and said the same thing he would be told to just leave his wife as she deserved better. In fact I can remember an exact post with a similar sort of thing where that was the general messages.

I remember a few threads like that, tbh.

Women are often told to pretend it never happened so as not to lose their relationship.

Yea tbf ive seen posts like that. Ive seen probably equal posts saying don't tell her. MN isnt a hive mind and unless the same posters are on identical threads contradicting themselves then its disingenuous to claim "double standards on MN".

Also, there aren't many posts from men on here ssaying "i kissed another woman, do i tell". Likely because men usually wouldnt question whether to own up, and this is predominantly a female site.

Ive told op i wouldnt say anything. Id say the same to a man (and have on here, the very rare few threads ive seen anyway)

Don't tell. Live with the guilt and don't put yourself in another situation where this could happen again.

I would say the same thing if you were a man.

He should be told. I'd want my partner to tell me if he did that so I could make an informed choice about the future of our relationship.

You cheated.

and one of your replies “nothing would happen even if I wanted it to” sounds like you clearly very much do want things to happen.

Its up to you whether you tell your partner or not, but another reply of yours about dp not being a gym guys sounds like you don’t fancy him anymore anyway.

Would you want to know if he was snogging his colleagues?

No. I wouldn’t want know if it was my partner cs I wouldn’t be able to forget it & if it’s meaningless, you learned your lesson etc better to just move on and forget it

You need to find another job if you don't tell your partner. This wasn't a drunken kiss with a stranger. This was active cheating with someone you work with because you fancy him.

A man on here would be ripped to pieces for a drunk kiss and grope with a younger female colleague. Just as you would be on here about your partner if he did the same thing, especially if the younger woman had a great body.

Absolutely not.
But you really need to cop yourself on.
Why would you do that?
This is not the action of a woman happy in her relationship.
Do you really want to blow it up?

Tell him if you want to end it, cause huge drama and for him to never trust you again?

Always surprised by these threads and the amount of people saying to keep your cheating a secret

Of course you should tell your partner… so he can leave you and find someone better.
I assume you would want to know if he cheated on you?

Appreciate all replied and harsh words. Nearly 80% voting I would be unreasonable to tell him, which is more overwhelming than I thought.

No one can deny that that number would be wildly different if it was asking if a man should tell his wife he groped and kissed his younger colleague at a work do because he liked the attention

op if you don’t tell your dp your an awful person. He deserves to know that their has been a betrayal.

What does a grope actually consist of?

I am sorry about that i quoted the wrong comment, tried to get it removed but still waiting.
Ill ask mn again.

Just hugging really, I touched him over his jeans, and he was grabbing my behind.

oh come on

op this was so wrong. Your dp deserves to know

Its different posters though. To be double standards it would have to be the same posters saying different things to men than they do to women. I've never actually seen a man post on here that he drunkenly kissed a colleague and should he tell his wife. So I've certainly not spotted the same user names advising a man in this situation the opposite to what they've told the OP on here. So which posters are displaying double standards?