Should I tell my partner about drunken kiss with a colleague?

[Rachhh9]

NC’d for this.

Ahhhhh I’m really feeling anxious atm. My own fault I know. I had a drunken kiss/grope with a colleague on a work night out on Friday. Woke up the next morning feeling regret but thinking I’d just forget about it. Now I can’t help feeling so much guilt and that I should tell my long term DP.

Do you think if I just try really hard to forget about it, or fess up? And be clear it meant nothing and I had far too much to drink.

IMO, there's no such thing as a drunken kiss / grope that "didn't mean anything". Surely it meant that you were so drunk you couldn't control your actions (which doesn't seem plausible given you clearly remember it), or you didn't care enough about your partner in that moment that you thought you could do what you wanted.

I'd want to know if I were your partner.

If it meant nothing... why are you feeling guilty?

(Edited for typo)

I'd want them to learn frim
it. Either end our relationship or never be so fucking stupid again.

we all think we'd want to know, but actually the other person learning from it is a far better option.

I think you need to think really hard about what that says about where you're at. Because disrespecting your relationship and partner when you're drunk isn't something that just happens by unhappy accident. Either you were so drunk you were out of control which is a problem, or the alcohol just gave you the courage and impulsively to do something you wanted to do anyway.
You need to think hard about whether it was the second, and if so, why? Why is your relationship not important enough to not betray it? Are you half hearted with it, or done with it? Do you think you'd have a better life single?
Only when you've thought this all through should you consider confessing. Because unfortunately it's unlikely to be a good for the soul, get it off you'd chest situation after which you'll be absolved and have a clean slate. Your partner will probably be VERY upset and have a lot of questions. And 'I was drunk and it just happened' will be unlikely to cut it.

You can’t “just forget it”, but I’d work on the why this happened and ensure never again.
Give up booze and limit 1-1 opportunities.

I'd want to know if I was him so I could end the relationship. He deserves to know so he can decide if he wants to continue the relationship or not.

The guilt will wear off.

I know people on here want “sackcloth and ashes” for and transgression, but sometimes you just need to be a bit pragmatic. Really worth breaking up over this ? I would say not.

Shouldn't her partner get to decide if it's worth it or not?

How did the evening build up to the drunken kiss? Were you flirting all night? I can't believe you suddenly lunged at him, got him in a headlock and snogged the lips off him, with no premeditation at all.

I think there are other, more pressing issues that you need to think about before you tackle this one.

What your motivations were for acting like this being the first one, of course.

There's clearly something going on in your life that led to this, can you figure out what that is?

It depends what sort of person you are. I can’t lie and I couldn’t live with the guilt. It would end up coming out two weeks later after a fortnight of no sleeping and obvious awkwardness from me which would be a lot worse.

I would fess up, but then I’d also want to know if my DP did that too

Of course you tell him. He should get to choose whether he wishes to stay with you and what boundaries he wants to set

So does this other guy like you? Id be worried tbh as you dont just kiss anyone. There must be some attraction there.

I'd want him to keep it secret

Yeah I do need to accept drinking excessively is not a good idea especially when with work and if that colleague in particular is there as recipe for disaster.

Say nothing.

I know this is gonna sound paradoxical but I believe my relationship is secure enough that if DH knew I'd drunkenly snogged someone inappropriate as a one-off, out-of-character event, I genuinely don't think he'd be that bothered. He'd probably laugh at me. And I think I would too, if it was the other way round. We've been together years and years, we know each other inside out, I can't imagine that a one-off drunken snog would threaten our relationship. Obviously if he shagged someone that would be crossing a red line.

MN can be very insecure about these sorts of things. If you have one too many at the office drinks and kiss a colleague, that does not have to be marriage or relationship-ending. It doesn't even have to be confessed if you're sufficiently mortified to know that you will never do it again, IMO.

On the other hand, if you liked it and think maybe you would want to do it again, that's a sign you're in trouble!

Did he take advantage of you?

But can you imagine the uproar on MN if this was a man posting that he had a drunken kiss/grope with a colleague on a night out? The replies would be VERY different.

He would be called all the names under the sun and have his ass handed to him on a plate. 🙄His partner would be encouraged to LTB.

Honestly the double standards on here beggars belief.

My advice would be to not tell - that wouldn’t change regardless of whether it was a man or a woman talking. I also wouldn’t want to know if it was my DP if it was a one off.

This sounds like it might be a bit more than a one off?

If there are any feelings/chemistry then I think you should tell your DP

No I wouldn't tell and I wouldn't want my husband to tell me if he did this.

First post nails it. I would want to know, others want to live in blissful ignorance.

No nothing like that, I completely accept we were both willing participants.

Nothing would ever happen romantically even if I wanted it to, he’s is quite a bit younger than me. I admit I was flattered by things he said to me, and he is a part time footballer so in fantastic shape. I love DP but he’s never been a gym type of person. I just got carried away with too much to drink.

Burdening the partner. Lol sure. Make it all about him in an attempt to ease your guilt.

Relationships are built on trust.

Anyone saying dont tell needs to hang their heads in SHAME

End of.

This.