Should I tell my partner about drunken kiss with a colleague?

[Rachhh9]

NC’d for this.

Ahhhhh I’m really feeling anxious atm. My own fault I know. I had a drunken kiss/grope with a colleague on a work night out on Friday. Woke up the next morning feeling regret but thinking I’d just forget about it. Now I can’t help feeling so much guilt and that I should tell my long term DP.

Do you think if I just try really hard to forget about it, or fess up? And be clear it meant nothing and I had far too much to drink.

Absolutely you should tell him. You cheated. He needs to know so he can decide what he wants to do.

No, dont hurt him but make sure it doesn't happen again, if you can't control yourself in drink, then maybe re think your drinking !

No I think you should live with the guilt and not put any pain or upset onto him, the innocent party.

As long as you are sure this person will not say anything and you reconsider your drinking and never do this again.

Based on what youve said-
it wasn’t just a kiss, it was also groping.
you’ve been flattered by this man and are attracted to him. That is why this happened.
you know there is an attraction which is why you’ve commented about future outings with them.
even if you opt to lie by admission, you have no guarantee he won’t tell others.
i wouldn’t want to be lied to.
but if you’re not going to tell your partner about your cheating (And it is cheating it’s a series of steps 1) flirting 2) kissing 3) groping ……. At each point you opted to continue) then you need to stay the hell away from this man. Move dept, move job.

I’d keep quiet

I’d want to know if my wife did that.

If you know it was a one off, truly means nothing , isn't causing you to neglect your partner, will not continue etc etc say nothing.
It's not fair and you would only do it to offload your guilt.
As long as I was otherwise happy and my husband loved means treated me well, I genuinely wouldn't want to know if my husband had a silly one off snog (and I've told my sister and friends that too!).
What you should do - have a serious think about your drinking limits. If you value your relationship and respect your husband, that's the thing you should address. And then you have the peace of mind that comes with knowing your decisions are your own and not having drunken moments of madness. I've been there, so no judgement

Honestly I am shocked by the double standards on MN.

If someone had posted on here that their DP (male) had just confessed to a drunken kiss and grope with a work colleague the advice would be to LTB.

Men that do this are called disgusting cheating pigs yet when its a female its all 'oh its okay, don't tell him, no harm done, no big deal, just forget about it' from the majority of posters.

Its laughable 😅🙄

I used to be in the "you ALWAYS have to be honest" camp. However some years ago I read some advice that basically said the person confessing is being extremely selfish. They are taking their own discomfort, guilt & anxiety and making it the other person's problem to deal with.
If you want to stay with your partner and know that you will never be unfaithful again then this is your burden to carry. Don't dump it on your partner and ask them to deal with it by forgiving you.
If you feel that this behaviour is likely to recur then do both of you a favour: break up without giving him the gory details and seek an open relationship with someone who doesn't mind.

Yes, you should tell him, then it's up to him to decide how he deals with the information.

OP take responsibility. You blame being drunk and it didn’t mean anything as if that’s an excuse.

Many many many many women have a drink and don’t go around cheating on their partner.

Own your mistake. Be honest and take responsibility. And seriously consider why you did it to begin with.

So you fancy this bloke. Got drunk together and snogged etc? How likely is it to be repeated?

Did anyone else see?

I was going to say don’t tell him, right up until I read this. I thought the fact you were so devastated might be a valid reason to not to foist the burden onto your poor partner. But you are on here making a comparison between the man you kissed and your partner and that says to me that you are dissatisfied, even if subconsciously. I think if you loved your partner as much as you think you do, you wouldn’t have mentioned the difference in their physiques. I absolutely get the bit about being flattered by stuff he said, especially if you were drunk, but not the emphasis you have placed on his appearance.

Well no, double standards would be a man posting his female DP cheated and him getting told to forgive her.

No you should stay quiet and then whenever you need another ego boost you could start an affair.

Of course you should tell him. If a guy wrote this../

No definitely don’t mention it.

Yes you need to tell him. I’m surprised you even had to ask!

And what would you do if he had?

No I dont think so OP. Unless it’s likely that he’ll find out.
The thing that you need to figure out is why did you do that? Kissing and groping other men is most likely a sign that something is wrong with your relationship. Try to figure out what that is. And try not to let it happen again. If it does, it is time for a big reconsideration.

The double standards sometimes on here are wild. If this was the other way around and op had found out her oh had kissed and groped her his younger colleague everyone would be calling him a sleaze and telling her to ltb

op you have to tell him. You have cheated. There is no grey here. You have kissed and groped another man while in a relationship your oh deserves to know so he can decide whether or not he wants to be with you because quite frankly if it was me your bags would be packed and you would be out the door.

men and women should not be treated any differently for shitty behaviour.

@ErlingHaalandsManBun that is totally untrue, no one would say LTB after one kiss if everything else was good and fixable.

Why dont people understand what "double standards" and "the other way around" mean? 😭

Did you read her update? Literally all it took for her to cheat on her boyfriend was some flattery from a younger, good looking guy she would never have a relationship with. t's not like she developed feelings for him. She's thrown it away for that. That isn't something people do if they're in love!

A drink or 10 wouldn't make me cheat, kiss anyone, certainly not a work colleague.