Should I tell my partner about drunken kiss with a colleague?

[Rachhh9]

NC’d for this.

Ahhhhh I’m really feeling anxious atm. My own fault I know. I had a drunken kiss/grope with a colleague on a work night out on Friday. Woke up the next morning feeling regret but thinking I’d just forget about it. Now I can’t help feeling so much guilt and that I should tell my long term DP.

Do you think if I just try really hard to forget about it, or fess up? And be clear it meant nothing and I had far too much to drink.

A definite NO

No, why potentially ruin your relationship for a stupid moment. Just make sure the colleague knows it was a stupid drunken moment and not to try to continue it. Living with the guilt is the punishment and never do it again.

Some people get affected by drink differently than others, reduced inhibitions is classic and not thinking about consequences. The guilt comes later when you realise what you did and the potential consequences.

Yes, perhaps. But that would indicate that the person has a problem and shouldn't be drinking. I'd also want to know if my partner had such a drink problem.

Completely agree. Seems a bit of an overreaction all round. Move on.

Maybe not worth breaking up over for the OP... But the partner in the dark might have a different view.

Then why not tell him if he wouldn't be that bothered? That doesn't sound very secure, it sounds like 'but just in case he does want to end the relationship, better keep it to myself'.

People have different red lines and yours may be correct for you but it might not be for the next person.

Yes, I would be disgusted if my partner was groping his work colleague and I had no idea what a piece of shit I was living with.

Tell him and let him decide if he's happy to live like this.

Do you want them to feel hurt to alleviate your own guilt?

Do not say a word. Forget it happened.

Then you need to work on your self-esteem.

You won't find that down the boxer shorts of a younger man.

Don’t say anything. It was meaningless and it all it will do is create problems between you.

You need to work out why you kissed him

If it was the alcohol stop drinking

How long have you been with your partner? Do you live together?

I wouldn’t tell him he just want to tell him to make you feel better

I guess everyone is different. To me, I'd 100% dump my husband if he kissed someone else or had sex with them... your 'red line' and mine are obviously marked different. But I understand your point.

However, in a subsequent comment the OP has said that going forward she would need to be careful about drinking around that particular colleague again... so that to me sounds like she wouldn't be confident it wouldn't happen again unfortunately.

Unfortunately life is rarely this simple.

If you feel absolutely wretched and will never do it again then I would not tell him, and I would not want to know if I was your partner. You deal with the guilt, and promise yourself that you’ll never do it again, and that if you ever did it again you’d have to tell him and it will likely be the end of your relationship.

Also if you want to stay faithful to your partner from now on then don’t let yourself be in this position (drunk and alone) again with this person or anyone else you feel that kind of chemistry with. Take yourself home when it starts to feel dangerous.

All of the above assumes you 100% want to stay with your partner. If not then stop messing him about and just leave him.

Totally agree. Plus lots of deceitful people on this thread... it's shit behaviour, of course you own up to it and take the consequences. That's what consequences are.

I wouldnt tell him if theres no way he'd find out. Advice would be the same if it was a man

What some pp's seem to be missing is that a lot of posts where someone has been cheated on will have different responses because the woman knows her partner cheated, so of course thats LTB territory.

If your partner ever found out and posted im actually very certain he'd be told to leave you (after hes been grilled over whether he did anything to drive you to it obvs)

Tell him, unless you want to be both a liar and a cheat.

No because if you do then he'll have that in the back of his mind anytime you go out for the night, especially work night outs and especially if he knows you have been drinking. It could affect his trust in you.

Different if anyone else knew. So, don't mention it to anyone else, not even your friends, learn from it and be thankful you weren't seen and that there won't be any unexpected repercussions being that it won't go any further between you and the work colleague.
Just put it to the back of your mind.

How old are you?

How long have you been dating? Do you have a joint mortgage? Children?

You should tell your partner. I think everyone deserves to know the full facts of the relationship they’re in and be able to choose whether they want to be with that person based on those things.

If you don’t tell him and continue to have sex with him (and if he knew he might decide to leave you) you are obtaining his consent by misleading him.

I think it would be sensible to avoid getting drunk with this colleague again. It’s normal to fancy other people and getting drunk massively increases the chance of doing something stupid. Commitment isn’t about only desiring your partner, it’s about making decisions to respect them and honour your relationship.

No I wouldn't tell him, it will just hurt him unnecessarily. Mark it down as a one off stupid thing to do.