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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to decline my sisters hen party due to cost and childcare?

390 replies

Tairneanach · 25/03/2026 09:49

My sister is getting married in July 2027 and due to the location it will cost us £700 in travel and accommodation to attend. There is currently a destination hen party being planned for May 2027, 5 days in Ibiza, which is going to cost around £1500 each if the MOHs estimates are correct.

Will I be unreasonable to say I won't be able to attend the hen party? Partially due to the costs, but I also have a severely disabled child and don't think 5 days away will be feasible as it will mean my partner will have to take 5 days holiday from work for me to attend.

I would hope they'd be understanding, but this is my sister's second marriage and a lot of agro was given to me for leaving her first wedding at 8pm due to my child (who was a lot younger at the time) becoming distressed due to the noise, busy environment etc and it was stated that I could just not prioritise him and celebrate my sister since its her day.

Hoping to get some advice on whether this is reasonable of me to decline, and if so what could I say to not cause any drama?

OP posts:
diamondsandbluejeans · 28/03/2026 10:07

aliolim · 25/03/2026 19:46

I agree it’s the right decision for her not to go for various reasons but I think the OP came on here for everyone to agree that her sister is an entitled bridezilla and it just comes across that she doesn’t really like her very much and that the relationship isn’t great. By her own admission she said they’re not close so yeah, probably for the best she isn’t going. Interesting that her DH wasn’t ‘up in arms’ about the idea but she’s got the validation she was seeking here anyway

Show quote history

If that is indeed an additional factor, what of it? The sister doesn't sound very likeable. Very entitled and self-centred.

LubyLooTwo · 28/03/2026 18:39

Just tell her you can't go and why. Pretty simple really. Why should you pander to her at your own and family detriment?

Sleepingbaggage · 28/03/2026 19:04

I wouldn't go, and I'd explain why. Nobody reasonable would think any less of you.

FWIW I think destination hens and weddings are the absolute height of selfishness on the part of the bride. The pressure felt by others to spend money they might not be able to afford is far too high. Even a 'regular' hen can cost hundreds.

Allog · 28/03/2026 19:12

A 5 day hen party is absolutely ridiculous. Ask her if she is going to pay for everything and if not, tell her you can’t make it.

Katflapkit · 29/03/2026 02:45

It's your sister's second wedding in eight years and she's having a hen week in Ibiza and a second hen spa weekend? Am I the only one who is a bit 'meh' about second weddings, especially when you were at he first.

crispyrick · 29/03/2026 08:15

Why do people insist on doing these elaborate hen parties that cost so much and for so long!

Mandaxx25 · 29/03/2026 10:46

Tairneanach · 25/03/2026 09:49

My sister is getting married in July 2027 and due to the location it will cost us £700 in travel and accommodation to attend. There is currently a destination hen party being planned for May 2027, 5 days in Ibiza, which is going to cost around £1500 each if the MOHs estimates are correct.

Will I be unreasonable to say I won't be able to attend the hen party? Partially due to the costs, but I also have a severely disabled child and don't think 5 days away will be feasible as it will mean my partner will have to take 5 days holiday from work for me to attend.

I would hope they'd be understanding, but this is my sister's second marriage and a lot of agro was given to me for leaving her first wedding at 8pm due to my child (who was a lot younger at the time) becoming distressed due to the noise, busy environment etc and it was stated that I could just not prioritise him and celebrate my sister since its her day.

Hoping to get some advice on whether this is reasonable of me to decline, and if so what could I say to not cause any drama?

Surprised you're still talking to her after what happened at the first wedding.

Mandaxx25 · 29/03/2026 10:52

I am a big believer in maintaining a sense of self and not sacrificing yourself on the altar of motherhood.

Imagine thinking some of us have a choice 🙄 My husband and I have had zero help in any way, shape or form, for 20 years.

Sgreenpy · 29/03/2026 11:39

Its her second wedding! Who has a 5 day hen for that? AND she is hoping for a second spa weekend hen. Better get saving for her third wedding 'hen do!'
Seriously if you can't afford it dont go - sister seems to have accepted that
Perhaps on the group you could offer to arrange a 'home hen' - night out in Manchester or desired spa weekend.
On your topic of air bnbs/cottages being cheaper than the wedding hotel, I'd say no chance in Cornwall in JULY and probably much easier to stay at the wedding hotel. You can dip out for a lie down/relax - decompress with your child for a bit. Couldn't do that at off site accommodation.

ArtAngel · 29/03/2026 11:55

Well, I wouldn’t take 5 days of my annual leave and be happy to allocate £1500 of family money for my DH to bog off on his brother’s stag do so if I was your DH I would refuse.

The cost and the childcare demand is way way too high.

Organising a hen do does not give anyone the right to expect such investment from people.

It’s ridiculous.

RampantIvy · 29/03/2026 13:54

Mandaxx25 · 29/03/2026 10:52

I am a big believer in maintaining a sense of self and not sacrificing yourself on the altar of motherhood.

Imagine thinking some of us have a choice 🙄 My husband and I have had zero help in any way, shape or form, for 20 years.

And your point is?

Somersetbaker · 29/03/2026 21:02

The hen party may last longer than the marriage. No way would I spend that sort of money and as for £700 to go to the wedding, sod that as well. The best (and longest lasting) marriage ceremony I've been to do was at the registry office, then the upstairs bar of our local pub.

SamorDean · 30/03/2026 06:48

Tairneanach · 25/03/2026 09:49

My sister is getting married in July 2027 and due to the location it will cost us £700 in travel and accommodation to attend. There is currently a destination hen party being planned for May 2027, 5 days in Ibiza, which is going to cost around £1500 each if the MOHs estimates are correct.

Will I be unreasonable to say I won't be able to attend the hen party? Partially due to the costs, but I also have a severely disabled child and don't think 5 days away will be feasible as it will mean my partner will have to take 5 days holiday from work for me to attend.

I would hope they'd be understanding, but this is my sister's second marriage and a lot of agro was given to me for leaving her first wedding at 8pm due to my child (who was a lot younger at the time) becoming distressed due to the noise, busy environment etc and it was stated that I could just not prioritise him and celebrate my sister since its her day.

Hoping to get some advice on whether this is reasonable of me to decline, and if so what could I say to not cause any drama?

I didn't go to my sisters hen in Tenerife for similar reasons. She was also supposed to be getting married in Greece and I told her I couldn't afford to go to the wedding either. Sometimes it's just not possible. It doesn't mean you love her any less.

Peachie31 · 30/03/2026 14:21

Newusername0 · 25/03/2026 17:03

Honestly, if someone just didn’t want to celebrate me because it wasn’t their thing then I wouldn’t make much effort with them anymore.

Show quote history

£1,500 is a lot of money to expect someone to fork out just to celebrate with them to start with. It's completely unreasonable, and if anyone is unable to go for ANY reason, if the bride kicks off about that then she is clearly a colossal tool

Peachie31 · 30/03/2026 14:23

Sgreenpy · 29/03/2026 11:39

Its her second wedding! Who has a 5 day hen for that? AND she is hoping for a second spa weekend hen. Better get saving for her third wedding 'hen do!'
Seriously if you can't afford it dont go - sister seems to have accepted that
Perhaps on the group you could offer to arrange a 'home hen' - night out in Manchester or desired spa weekend.
On your topic of air bnbs/cottages being cheaper than the wedding hotel, I'd say no chance in Cornwall in JULY and probably much easier to stay at the wedding hotel. You can dip out for a lie down/relax - decompress with your child for a bit. Couldn't do that at off site accommodation.

Having a 5 day hen is excessive whether it's your 1st wedding or 21st wedding 🙃

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