Take 3 month old baby to family wedding or leave with MIL?

[Helpboat]

Some advice on this.

I have close relatives wedding in a few weeks and also a 3 month old baby.

Culturally it’s looked down if children aren’t present at weddings. It’s also an opportunity to meet family you don’t regularly see and there are the great grandparents who will be pretty disappointed if I don’t take the baby.

My MIL is in town and she’s very very good with the baby. Follows our schedule to the T and baby is in safe and secure hands with her. She’s insisting to leave baby with her.

Wedding is 3 hours away and will be an all day event. 1pm till 10.

If I take the baby, will have to take all his equipment for bottles plus carrycot pushchair etc but family will be happy. I am not even sure where to sterilise his equipment as he needs feeding every 3 hoursish.

if I don’t we will have a much more relaxing time but family will probably openly express dissatisfaction. What do you think?

I would say entirely up to you.
All of my three babies were exclusively breastfed so I didn’t leave them when they were that young. I did babywearing at weddings in slings that matched my outfit. Or I installed baby and husband or my mum in a room at the hotel or resort. And I went over and back to feed baby. They could phone me anytime if baby upset, and i would be there in 2 minutes. I enjoyed events much more this way !

I really wasn't but if you choose to read that into it then you do you. I do think it can be a different (not better or worse) bond and I have spoken to women who have said they felt a different bond with their formula fed child and their breastfed child (and I was a breastfeeding counsellor and worked in maternity in the NHS for ten years so I've spoken to a lot of women who've fed in a variety of ways).

I think op should do what she wants, if she is happy leaving her baby and would enjoy time away then that's what she should do.

Yikes if you’re a breastfeeding counsellor that is very concerning and with a thought pattern like that there is absolutely no way you should be around new postpartum mum. That bias is bound to feed into your guidance and advice when helping struggling mums.

Couldn’t leave a baby that small for so long. I wouldn’t actually be going to wedding if it was me.

And you need to put your foot down right now with an insisting MIL seriously that’s just ridiculous with a 3 month old baby.

I don’t think I’d call it either? They are tiny and know of 3 kind of people - strangers, caring familiar people like grandparents and often dad, and their mum, their universe. A couple of hours sure but after that I want them to be able to wake up or cry or look around and find themselves being cuddled in my arms. Because surely after a couple of hours with someone else they are thinking hmm these aren’t the usual home arms when are those coming back? I don’t call that ‘psychological’ which makes it sound imagined. Of course a 3m baby would want their mum.

I would do a bit of bith, take baby then ask MIL to do the evening - l did this when my dd was 3 months so we had a baby free evening but everyone got to see her too

As a compromise could you afford to pay for a very nearby hotel for MIL to stay and take baby to the wedding for a few hours so everyone gets to meet them, baby is with you a bit longer and then she comes to pick them up and take back to hotel or one of you drops baby off? As I assume you’ll be staying the night if it’s a 3 hour trip away? I wouldn’t have left baby at that age but no judgement for anyone that does. Enjoy the wedding! Xx

Natural mothering instinct. Odd that you seem to not have that!

Who willingly leaves a newborn for that long and to be so far away when they have a choice not too.

3 months isn't a newborn

I would have left my 3 month old with someone I really trusted which sounds like you have. The 3 hours away would annoy me though (6 hours travelling in one day). Could you not stay overnight?

People who still have lives, social lives and supportive network they can rely on. You’re the sort to first cry how isolating motherhood is and I wonder why.

You’re quite defensive op. Very sharp replies

Merci bien