Take 3 month old baby to family wedding or leave with MIL?

[Helpboat]

Some advice on this.

I have close relatives wedding in a few weeks and also a 3 month old baby.

Culturally it’s looked down if children aren’t present at weddings. It’s also an opportunity to meet family you don’t regularly see and there are the great grandparents who will be pretty disappointed if I don’t take the baby.

My MIL is in town and she’s very very good with the baby. Follows our schedule to the T and baby is in safe and secure hands with her. She’s insisting to leave baby with her.

Wedding is 3 hours away and will be an all day event. 1pm till 10.

If I take the baby, will have to take all his equipment for bottles plus carrycot pushchair etc but family will be happy. I am not even sure where to sterilise his equipment as he needs feeding every 3 hoursish.

if I don’t we will have a much more relaxing time but family will probably openly express dissatisfaction. What do you think?

In South East Asian, like South Asian culture where I’m from, babies are treated as communal property with the instincts/urges/needs of the mother-baby bond not always respected or nurtured.

That’s unfortunately your reality and not mine.

The rest of your post is irrelevant and typical derailing of mumsnet.

Yes it’s typical. I have had it in person where school mum has reacted somewhat overly emotional to me leaving baby with grandparents when I do the school run or a shop or an exercise class. Said mum now has her almost 9 month old in nursery but that’s perfectly acceptable. I just ignore them however the the posts on here explaining the emotional and psychological inability to leave their baby that I get. People have different limits, some can for a few hours, others overnight some not at all. For example I can’t do overnights it would be too much but a dayish for a one off wedding is ok.

I would be happy to go to the wedding without the baby. I took my 10 week old to a family wedding as I had no one to leave him with.
It was dreadful, I missed most of the wedding as he was fussing, cluster feeding and didn't want to be passed around to all the relatives who wanted to play pass the parcel with him. They then took offence and DH was nowhere to be seen!
If you are happy with MIL looking after the baby, then I would be happy to go.
Perhaps do the groundwork with your family so that they know not to expect the baby and then aren't disappointed when you turn up.

I wouldn’t have left mine either at that age, but if you are comfortable to do so, then do. At that age I wanted to be with them 24-7 but certainly did leave them for mini breaks etc, but not under 1. I guess just mother’s instinct / desire to be near her baby all the time. As you can see, most others feel the same but guess your set up is different and you do feel comfortable to leave baby, so go and have an easier day. Especially as MIL is comfortable to have baby.

I couldn't have left mine so long at that age. I was breastfeeding. Although breastfeeding makes it easier in a way, to take a baby places, as you don't need any feeding equipment, just a dress/outfit with easy access.
Aside from breastfeeding - I also wouldn't have wanted to leave them TBH.
We took my oldest to a wedding when he was around 5 months and he had a lovely time. Everyone wanted to hold him and he napped on a lovely friend of a friend so I still got to enjoy myself and have some freedom.

That said if you are happy to leave yours, and have someone you trust to leave them with - then go for it! Each to their own.

It is totally up to you. Personally I couldn’t be away from my small baby for longer than an hour or so at that stage (just feels weird, like my arm has been cut off!) but if you’re fine with it then do what works for you. Don’t let other people’s preferences come into it.

I’d definitely take him then. I know he’s not a toy but there would be so many people disappointed not to see him/maybe first time meeting him, compared to someone who already plays a huge part in his life.

It’s entirely up to you and your partner whether you’re happy to leave him all day and irrelevant here really.

It’s a comparison between elderly members of your family that may never get the chance to see him again, against MIL who sees him very regularly and it would be very unfair of her to put pressure on you to leave him for that very reason.
It’s totally clear-cut to me 🤷🏻‍♀️

I have always happily left my kids with grandparents to do errands from a very young age. With breastfeeding though I would find it uncomfortable to be away for long until 6 months plus. Even at 10 months going back to work I found it tricky with engorgement to leave for 9/10 hours. Are you planning to pump or are you combi feeding?

I can see how the journey would put you off as mine hated the car at that age. However as it's a family wedding I'd still bring the baby if I could to see extended family. Presumably your husband could walk him round in the pram for a nap?

One of the reasons you're getting flack OP is that you sound rather derogatory with the "psychological barrier" and "no support network" stuff. As if there is an issue with either.

Slightly understandable if you feel defensive, but women not wanting to leave their small babies isn't a "psychological barrier" - it's a natural enough want to spend time with your children. Just as much as it is to want to get away from them.

Personally, having a tiny baby was an excellent excuse to skive tedious family parties and spend more time doing what I loved - walking in the outdoors. But if you don't want to do that, I don't think you have a psychological barrier. I think you just don't want to do that.

And my support network have bonded just fine with the baby without having those early care experiences either.

Take the baby. I took one of mine to a wedding at a similar age and it was fine.

Does it have to be one or the other OP? Could you book a hotel room there and bring the baby to MIL after a few hours at the wedding? Then the extended family gets to meet them but you get some baby free time too.

I did and it was fine…. The only challenge was leaky boobs towards the end of the evening! Is there a compromise…. Have baby for eg the first half then hand him over to MIL?

Your MIL is 'insisting' and your family will 'express dissatisfaction' but what what do YOU want to do?

You do whatever you want to and what makes you feel comfortable and don’t let anyone guilt you either way.

Why would OP be fretting?

If you do take him you can get milk prep systems for when you are "on the go "

E.g. https://www.argos.co.uk/product/1970050

@TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis The op was not really asking about how other parents felt psychologically though. They have just piled on with their feelings and fears. She’s not got fears or worrries. She knows DS will be safe and he’s bottle fed. It’s more about the long journey really! Twice in a day. That’s why I would take mil and book a hotel or Airbnb. Just easier. Other people’s deep psychological beliefs around their babies doesn’t really matter but they point the finger at the op in a somewhat judgemental way. It’s not needed. Also many clearly are not from the same culture as the op regarding family events so that should be considered too.

I don’t know anyone who was working with a three month old baby. I guess it happens.

This is an absolute no brainer to me. I’d take the baby with me. Take sterilised bottles and/ or ask for a bowl of boiling water at the venue. Let them meet the wider family. Either leave slightly early, put the baby down for a nap in the pram (and then the car), or stay over at the hotel and one of you leaves with the baby at a reasonable time (or you alternate).

I would take the baby with me and all the stuff we needed. It’s a family wedding and if many of them haven’t met the baby yet I can understand why they’d be disappointed if he wasn’t there.

As an aside, I wouldn’t be pleased if anyone was “insisting” I leave my baby with them, no matter how close of a relative or how good they are at taking care of my baby.

Everybody had 16 weeks maternity leave when my eldest was born, including the time before the birth. It's was absolutely normal.

Yes but there were way more SAHM because a lot of women just couldn’t bear to leave their babies that young if they had the choice

Nurseries do take babies from as young as 6 weeks-3 months. I imagine they wouldn't take babies that young if it didn't happen.

All of mine started nursery at 3 months.