Take 3 month old baby to family wedding or leave with MIL?

[Helpboat]

Some advice on this.

I have close relatives wedding in a few weeks and also a 3 month old baby.

Culturally it’s looked down if children aren’t present at weddings. It’s also an opportunity to meet family you don’t regularly see and there are the great grandparents who will be pretty disappointed if I don’t take the baby.

My MIL is in town and she’s very very good with the baby. Follows our schedule to the T and baby is in safe and secure hands with her. She’s insisting to leave baby with her.

Wedding is 3 hours away and will be an all day event. 1pm till 10.

If I take the baby, will have to take all his equipment for bottles plus carrycot pushchair etc but family will be happy. I am not even sure where to sterilise his equipment as he needs feeding every 3 hoursish.

if I don’t we will have a much more relaxing time but family will probably openly express dissatisfaction. What do you think?

ah ok I understand. MIL has been with us since he was 6 weeks on and off helping out staying nights over. He’s got a bond with her and doesn’t cry in her care.

It’s because a 3 month old is still tiny. I trust my mum completely, but at 3 months old I didn’t leave either of my babies with anyone. Not a lack of trust at all, it’s really very normal for mum’s to keep their babies with them and want their young babies with them.

Yes great bond. I’m south East Asian and children are raised around grandparents and aunts. They develop primary attachments with them too. Raised around multigenerations is still a thing in our culture.

We could, and did, leave our baby overnight with immediate family for both a death and a marriage before they were 4 months old. Baby was snug and safe and cared for by someone who loves them, which is really all that matters. We supplied with a stock of frozen pumped breastmilk so baby didn't starve. DC is now 7 years old and does not appear to be suffering any lasting psychological trauma from occasionally staying overnight with grandparents or auntie while parents are away. In fact, they quite enjoy it, because they do get rather spoiled when it happens...
Enjoy the wedding, and tell everyone there that you left the baby at home "so as not to disrupt their sleep schedule".

Do whatever YOU want.

Discount the views of Mumsnet and your wider family.

It's your baby. It's your choice. Everyone else can mind their own business.

What would you like to do? It doesn’t matter what anyone else wants or thinks. I could never have left my babies at 3 months but DSIS would happily leave hers with a baby sitter to go out for the evening with friends. Everyone is different, it doesn’t make you a bad mother. Your baby is bottle fed so there are no issues with feeding.

Again not sure why but ok

You genuinely can’t understand why a mother would not want to be away from their very young baby for such a long time? Really? Have you read about the fourth trimester at all?

Go for it enjoy yourself , neither set of grandparents ever offered to mind ours at any age , we were almost conditioned not to ask. Mind you mine were little terrors they were lucky I didn’t leave them at a bus station ! 😂

Just because they don't want to.

That's it. There's nothing to understand beyond people have different preferences.

I have an older child. From age of 3 he was left with my sister and mum once a year for 3/4 nights whilst DH and enjoyed child free break. He has an amazing bond with my mum
and sister. They used to babysit when he was baby so developed a secure attachment to them.

My siblings and I take it in turns to watch each others kids so we can all have childfree breaks here and there. It’s so strange reading comments on here that people wouldn’t leave their baby for a day with someone they completely trust.

Yes I’m leaning towards leaving him because he will be happier with her home than at a loud, long wedding with a big commute. Older child is coming with us because he wants to party with his cousins.

Honestly a lot of people feel very very protective of their babies and struggle when they are out of their sight. That's fine for them, but it's equally not allowed not to feel like that. Breastfeeding mums obviously have to stay close, which is why I couldn't have left my second born. But I felt zero anxiety over leaving my first with my parents whilst I went out (I did this from a couple of weeks). It's not a sign of poor bonding, or that something's wrong, everyone's different.

A lot of people also felt very anxious over their newborns. That too is normal, but not universal. I didn't feel anxious, it was fine.

Baby will be fine regardless, it's upto you and your comfort level. There are no rights and wrongs here.

On MN people don’t seem to leave their children in the hands of other capable adults until they’re about ready for high school 🤷‍♀️

Could you get a hotel near/at the reception? A room for you and a room for MIL. Baby comes to the wedding to meet the family and then MIL takes the baby back to the room to sleep while you enjoy some ‘baby-free’ time, but your baby is still fast asleep nearby.

nope I can’t. That’s why I’m asking. Not sure why people are getting so offended.

It’s just weird that you are making out like it’s weird! Nobody is judging you for being ok with it, so no need to be that way with other posters. You asked, people have answered

I wouldn't leave a 3 month old baby for that amount if time. At that age I managed a trip to the cinema, while DC was at home with my mum, and even that was stressful.

I wouldn't take DC to the wedding either. It's a 6 hour round trip. I would want the baby in the car seat that long. The journey will take forever having to stop to meet the babies needs.

Honestly, I'd stay home

Are you the dad?

There is because of you’re commenting on a thread I have started suggesting that there is something wrong with me leaving a 3 month old with a safe and trusted adult then I have the right to question why you wouldn’t.

Nope. Mama.

You have the right to question it, but the answer is:

Because that's their preference.

There is nothing wrong with leaving the baby btw. But there is also nothing wrong with not wanting to leave a baby that age.

It's personal preference. Nothing more. Nothing less.

No answering the premise of the question and jumping to ‘I couldn’t leave 3m etc’ effectively derailing the thread is judging so I’m ok to ask as well

I absolutely wouldn’t have left my babies! Take them, you’ll have fun showing them off and won’t have to miss them.

I left my DD with my mum when she was 8 weeks to go to a vv close friend’s wedding all day. She was our firstborn.

We had a great time. Although I do remember having to repeatedly go to the toilets to express!

yes This js why I’m in two minds. He’s a gorgeous little gremlin and deserved to be fawned over by the wider family which no doubt he will be.