Take 3 month old baby to family wedding or leave with MIL?

[Helpboat]

Some advice on this.

I have close relatives wedding in a few weeks and also a 3 month old baby.

Culturally it’s looked down if children aren’t present at weddings. It’s also an opportunity to meet family you don’t regularly see and there are the great grandparents who will be pretty disappointed if I don’t take the baby.

My MIL is in town and she’s very very good with the baby. Follows our schedule to the T and baby is in safe and secure hands with her. She’s insisting to leave baby with her.

Wedding is 3 hours away and will be an all day event. 1pm till 10.

If I take the baby, will have to take all his equipment for bottles plus carrycot pushchair etc but family will be happy. I am not even sure where to sterilise his equipment as he needs feeding every 3 hoursish.

if I don’t we will have a much more relaxing time but family will probably openly express dissatisfaction. What do you think?

Absolutely nothing, dear. For all you know I could be an AI bot.

Nope I've bottle fed one and breastfed 2 and it's not made the slightest bit of difference
My DD breastfed one for 2 years and the other 2 days and still been happy to leave both of them

Hey @Helpboat
I think do what suits you.

If you do go just
get a nuby rapid cool (you can just rinse with.boiling watrr and put the lid on between uses...
bring 6 empty sterilised bottles for the day...
And powder dispensers these are the best imo
https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=www.homebirthsupplies.co.uk/NUK-Stackable-Baby-Milk-Powder-Dispenser&ved=2ahUKEwjvsJaNi7uTAxX7QEEAHZbLOrAQFnoFCIIBEAE&usg=AOvVaw0FuMGJI8L1WUilNoMXG_Av

I would be happy to leave baby but equally showing them off is nice too!!!

For a wedding where the baby is fully accepted to be there, I'd take the baby.
For a child free wedding or one where accepted but preferred not, then I'd enjoy the child free time.
I did both when DS was under 3 months. Each has its own merits and negatives. Each as enjoyable as the other for different reasons.
Some people would do it, others wouldn't. Neither is right or wrong. Its just a difference in opinion.

You’ve said the reason to leave the bay is primarily because MIL insists.
You’ve said the reason to take the baby is because other family members insist.

But what do YOU want to do?

By

For me it was a natural instinctive bond ?maternal. I would feel sad to be apart for so long then. It’s personal I guess.

OP I am from SE Asia too and there would def be surprise at not bringing the baby. Will any of the many primary caregivers your baby has be at the wedding to share the load? I would find that more relaxing at three months than being away from my baby, even if he were home with his amazing dad.

What if the very young baby misses you and becomes very sad?

Can you take MIL with you? Have baby cared for during the vows and for the later part ofthe reception?

I wouldn't leave baby home.

Also utilise MIL for an hour or two while you are packing and preening for the wedding.

A little unrelated but comments like this need to be caveated.

As the mother of a baby who spent their first few weeks in NICU (parents couldn't sleep over and I have two other DC) I spent at least 10 hours away from my newborn every night for over two weeks. Albeit not my choice but no lasting damage was done and I have a wonderful attachment with my not so little one now.

I think it depends majorly on the baby though.

DC1 - I could have left in the OP's circumstances no problem (DC1 was a dream)
DC2 - not a chance, that one was attached 24/7 for their first 6 months
DC3 - as mentioned above was left for 10+ hours every night in neonatal from 48h old.

I mean gosh you make it sound like I’m abandoning my baby haha
Also I didn’t ask for people’s views on whether I should be away from my 3m. I asked views on the logistics of taking baby whether it’s worth the hassle or easy option of leaving him with a trusted adult.

It’s not my fault people can’t read on here and it’s resulted in people projecting their postpartum issues on me. I have been kind to those who have genuinely expressed their reasons but for those using this to be bitter or make dig at me will obviously get the responses in kind.

So dad is very hands on and would absolutely be doing the lion shares. He’s been like that with DC1. There will be my siblings and my own mother who would assist as well. The person who is getting married has been in touch to let me know there will be a kitchen set up for me should I need it. So now I’m thinking to just take him.

I am not sure why the thread is going into the direction of whether breastfed babies better bond etc I agree with you, I breastfed and then combi fed both there is no difference. In my wider network there are mixture of ebf, formula and combi. We all support each other and don’t judge because it’s hard enough being a mum in this climate.

Nor me. At that age they’re pretty easily transportable. OK, there’s a lot of paraphernalia to take if you’re bottle feeding, you just need to be organised.

Dont bother- OP is a lost cause toy
baffled and bewildered as to why others don’t share her way of doing things. Oh, and thinks are we are bitter and projecting.

Hilarious.

I adored my late mum and I love and trust MiL. But there’s no way I could enjoy a party if the baby was so far away, for so long, at such a young age.

But I would not judge you at all for going to enjoy the party - I’d be jealous you are so relaxed you can bear to do it!

Not RTFT just your replies @Helpboat

i think how this thread has been received and some of the comments both ways is a classic example of what motherhood can be like. Everyone is allowed to and should parent however they want as long as not harming anyone however even if unintentionally, parenting in a different way to others can seem like a personal attack / judgement on others when the reality is - we’re all different and just should crack on with how we want to do things.

Back to your question - I went to a wedding with my 3 month old bf baby and at 3.5-4 months a wedding without them. I enjoyed both but the one without the baby was more enjoyable - luckily our PIL came up to where the wedding was and stayed closeby (so still had to take everything with us) either way.

Re bottles we just took a microwave steriliser with us and some pre-sterilised bottles - all the milk I was using was frozen breast milk though so not sure if there needs to be a different process with formula. If this is really going to be a pain could you afford some pre-made bottles of formula for the day?

For me personally I would take baby purely because of the family factor - if they were unlikely to meeet them soon it would be a case of killing 2 birds. I loved my little one meeting new family esp as mine live far away. But it sounds like maybe you don’t want to take the baby but worried about what family will think - to which I say who cares - just do what makes you happy

I couldn't have left either of mine at 3 months old.

I’m about to have my 4th and totally get where you’re coming from. As it happens, I am an extended breastfeeding, cosleeping hippie and to leave my baby behind at 3 months would feel like you were removing one of my limbs. I’d feel so bereft I wouldn’t be able to have any fun. However, I have also had some child free events (leaving behind early primary school children with my husband) over the years and I do think you often have more fun. If you can switch off to parenting then it is true headspace and you can have a great time. Personally, I don’t happen to be able to do that at 3 months, but if I could, I would. Go for it if you want to.

My MIL is East Asian and find me baffling, she left her baby in another country for over a year from 6 months (but kept the other child) and her two children were raised by her and her extended family, often in different countries to where she was living. I know she finds it wild that I wouldn’t want to even go on holiday without mine or leave them at all. I think it’s a big loss for her that I won’t do it and against her cultural norm.

Do what you would like to do — if it will bring you more joy to show off your little family bring the baby, if it will bring you more joy to have a day of less responsibility, do that.

It really sounds like you would prefer to leave him with your MIL (which is totally fine, you are getting too much judgement here). Leave him, relax and just tell other wedding guests that it was easier not to bring the baby. It's none of their business really. other option is to bring your MIL along to so the baby could attend for a bit but then go off with her? And just bring enough bottles you don't have to sterilise?

You know very well you were insinuating that she felt less of a bond because she was formula feeding compared to the bond you had because you breastfed.

I hated the packing and paraphernalia! But if you have an easy baby and family help, then it might possibly be fun once there?! And you won’t have to explain to all the aunties where baby is ;-)

Yes so I don’t do powder formula anyway I used premade and I sterilise the bottles in those microwave bags. He’s combi fed as well. I would take sterlised bottles with me about 5 and then the Milton liquid to wash plus bags to sterilise. I’d take plenty of pre-made formula bottles as well. I can ask for hot water and a small jug to warm the pre-made because he likes them on the warmer side rather than room temp. I take him out with me loads for the day and never had issues with restaurants or birthday parties etc. It’s just this will definitely be a very long day so given I have an alternative easier option was just thinking whether to take it.

Id also pack the carry cot in the boot so he has somewhere to sleep if need be.

Op, go alone and enjoy yourself! I would have been fine to leave mine also!