Take 3 month old baby to family wedding or leave with MIL?

[Helpboat]

Some advice on this.

I have close relatives wedding in a few weeks and also a 3 month old baby.

Culturally it’s looked down if children aren’t present at weddings. It’s also an opportunity to meet family you don’t regularly see and there are the great grandparents who will be pretty disappointed if I don’t take the baby.

My MIL is in town and she’s very very good with the baby. Follows our schedule to the T and baby is in safe and secure hands with her. She’s insisting to leave baby with her.

Wedding is 3 hours away and will be an all day event. 1pm till 10.

If I take the baby, will have to take all his equipment for bottles plus carrycot pushchair etc but family will be happy. I am not even sure where to sterilise his equipment as he needs feeding every 3 hoursish.

if I don’t we will have a much more relaxing time but family will probably openly express dissatisfaction. What do you think?

No, it isn’t close to derailing! And people have answered honestly and nicely, keep asking again over and over is pointless. You don’t have to like the answers but nobody has judged your choice.

For me it would have made me feel sick to be that far away from my three month old. I wouldn’t have enjoyed myself at all.

The longing for my baby would be overwhelming.

Edited to add, yes, plenty of people would be available to do it. It isn’t about trust. It’s about how fucking miserable I would have felt.

i am form a culture where children are also raised around gps and family and would not dream to leave them for 15 h at such a young age, regardless of who takes care of them. blame it on the hormones..
my friend (nordic) left hers with a babysitter so she could go to the cinema with her partner. to each their own

If you are comfortable leaving the baby that's all that matters. I couldn't do it but I had years of infertility, miscarriages, then a traumatic labour. With my first I couldn't bare to be away from her and I had terrible anxiety. With the second it was covid and lockdown so I couldn't have left her with anyone even if I wanted to. Everyone's different. If you won't be stressed and will enjoy your day then go for it.

Ok I get that x

I’m sorry to hear about your fertility issues and losses x

I would - and did - leave all my babies at that age. It's absolutely fine.- I think the people who don't want to can't have a decent support network or family - I absolutely trust my parents/MIL/couple of my siblings and my husbands siblings with my kids as much as I trust myself!

If you’re happy with it then you do you. I wouldn’t have left my babies that long that far away (or that far away in general at that age) but breastfed both so it wouldn’t have been a conversation anyway. We took our 10 week old to a wedding recently and it was lovely to introduce him to people and honestly they’re so easy at that age that it was just a really nice experience all round.

Also sorry if this thread triggered anything. I have close friends who have had multiple miscarriages and honestly I can’t imagine the pain x

Would it be possible for your MIL to attend the wedding venue and just pay for a room so you could go to your baby when needed? That for me would be a practical solution and pay for room service for her. You are very lucky my mother and MIL had zero interest in my children when they were that small. ☹️

I took DD to a wedding at 4.5 months and it was pretty easy. She got lots of attention and people holding her. I'd have found it weird to leave mine for too long at that age, even with my mum who I completely trust. But everyone is different. I certainly left DD earlier than some of my friends would for example.

I guess the other thing is- why do you not want to bring the baby if the baby is very welcome and people want to see him?

I have friends who have zero support the way I do so I make sure to be there for them and their kids. I’m sorry your MIL was like that.

@Helpboat You have amazing support for your family. I’d leave your baby with your mil. She sounds a fabulous grandma. Trust her for the day and take your older child. Yes, some mums won’t do it, but others are perfectly ok with it. I would not want to do all of that with the baby in tow but I’d probably book 2 rooms in a hotel for all of you. Not going isn’t ok for your other dc and they need to be considered. I think you would regret not gojng and dc1 might resent that decision. So say thanks and go. Staying in a hotel is a lot easier though. All that driving!

absolutely agree with this.

Not wanting to leave your baby for a dais not a sign of a better bond or better parenting. Everyone is different. The baby is 3 months not 3 weeks.

Hassle of it. The long journey and long day. Also he feeds every couple of hours so I need to make sure I don’t run out of bottles otherwise I’m stuck sterilising them. He also likes napping in quiet so may struggle at the venue. I have a willing and trusted babysitting option so why not take it and enjoy a baby free day. To be fair he isn’t a fussy baby per se. I could take him but it’s just going to be a super long day for him.

Take baby.
I wouldn't be that far from mine.

I did a 4hr ikea round trip when mine was about 5 months, and with his dad. Even that freaked me out. And I wasn't an attachment parent.

Do whatever you feel comfortable with. You are leaving the baby with your MIL not some random stranger. I don’t understand how it’s weird to leave a baby with a family member at three months but fine to put them in a nursery with strangers at nine months when maternity leave is over.

You didn't mention an older child in your OP, so people possibly felt that you were maybe overestimating how long you would be comfortable being away from your new baby?

I happily left my babies with my mum and MIL for a few hours at that age. I knew they'd be well cared for by people who loved them as much as we did. Do what feels right for you OP, don't worry about what other family members wanting you to bring the baby - they can visit if they want to see the baby that much!

Please please don't let any poster make you feel guilty for leaving your baby to attend whatever the hell you want to attend!! Its a long time since I had a young child but my mother and father both encouraged me to carry on having time out after my ds was born, like you I was fortunate that they were heavily involved in our lives and I was 100% happy to leave my baby with them. I was delighted a few years later to be just as involved in my nieces and nephews lives and have looked after them overnight (for a wedding) when the youngest was 10 weeks old, my sil got to enjoy herself knowing all 3 children were with someone who adored them. Do what works for you but don't be overly influenced by the 'I'd never leave my baby' people.

No, it's not triggering at all. I just think everyone is different and carrying their own baggage. I think it's great that you feel able to leave the baby with a trusted adult. I couldn't but that doesn't make me right and you wrong. It just different situations.

I think the devil is in the details ad always. I wouldn’t leave DD at this age but she refused to take bottle so it’s only breast feeding in my case. Also I wouldn’t trust neither my mum or MIL , both of them had different parenting views and didn’t listen much.
So I wouldn’t but I could understand why it’s possible for you.

Would it be worth MIL booking a room at the hotel or nearby, and having baby when you need a break?

Do what YOU want to do. It is lovely that your MIL is so helpful, but it is your decision. How do you think your baby would be? Mine loved "occasions" at that age, and really seemed to enjoy celebrations, or maybe that's just me projecting-but seriously, they seemed happy and relaxed, back then. Other babies can sometimes cry a lot, or not seem happy at that age/can have issues taking bottles etc. So how easy, or hard, will it be? How many people there will be willing to help, if you wanted to go to the loo/buy drinks? Would these people know your baby and are you happy for them to help? If baby does cry, is there an area you can easily get to so you can comfortably sit/soothe them?

It sounds like it would be best to leave the baby with MIL, the baby doesn't want to go to a wedding. Yes they want their mum's but seems they are happy with MIL and safe.
My sister took her son to a wedding when he was 4 months old, she still remembers how hard it was for her now and was pointless them going really. She had to leave the ceremony as he was noisy, she then missed drinks after as she was feeding him, missed the speaches, didn't eat the full meal then was sat up in the room with him most of the evening on her own. Seemed like a nice idea to take him and show him off but she couldn't enjoy the day. He was a hard baby, so not all will be as hard work but they still need feeding, changing, naps etc.