AIBU to smash the potty into little pieces

[argghhjustcant]

I feel like giving up, honestly. Two year old has held her urine for five hours. Finally got her to sit on the potty and she’s just leaning forward so her face is on the ground and dicking about basically.

I am trying to be positive but she’s not cooperating at all and I can’t do anything without her wanting to do it.

She’s just not ready she will do it when she is ready. What helped for my daughter was books and seeing other children use a potty/toilet.

I had one like that. It’s SO frustrating. Refused to ‘try’. I could make her go through the motions, so the ‘she needs to be trained’ folks felt I was ‘controlling that child’. But she didn’t ACTUALLY try. She just smirked while plotting where the least washable option was. And then, of course, minutes later she was wet and I could have SCREAMED. It felt so bloody personal. Like I was doing all the right things and she was LAUGHING at How Fun It Was To Make Mummy’s Life A Bit Harder Than It Needs To Be. As if that wasn’t the entire world’s goal anyway. (Of course, she wasn’t really doing that. But that’s how it felt). She’s still exactly the same. If I try and MAKE her do anything, she will dig in so hard.

Nappies are way easier. If she’s reluctant now, and you ditch the nappies, you will be constantly anxious and ‘just try, darling, please’ because in a minute we’re going in the car seat, or will be a long way from a toilet, or the sofa is quite new, or I just CAN’T with laundry today. Spending your evening vaxing the bloody sofa AGAIN because they said they didn’t need to go 14 times and then wee’d on it when you took your eyes off them ten seconds after you last asked is infuriating in a way I can’t describe.

Keep in her nappies until she begs to use the potty. Then be DEEPLY reluctant to allow to her to try again. It will be way easier. Nappies are cheap compared to therapy. Or wine. Or whatever else you need to cope with the phase when they can do it, so long as they aren’t tired, stressed, hungry, it’s Tuesday, on daddy’s less vigilant watch, or you’re out of laundry tabs. In our case it was only a couple of weeks between being perfectly able but refusing to co operate and no ‘training’ required, just doing overnight. And she went straight to the loo and refused a seat. I think she just needed to refuse something. She seems to be a child with a deep seated need to refuse. (Cracking teen though. Doesn’t GAF what ‘everyone’ is doing)

Als try her on it while she’s got her nappy on. They need to know how to sit comfortably on the potty and it’s not that scary. If she’s holding her urine she will end up with a UTI. Star charts are good.

I haven't read the full thread but when we were potty training, we took the thing everywhere and instead of pushing her to go before we went out for example, we kept it close by and she'd tell us when she was ready then made a fuss when she went so it became a game.We also used to sing pee pee in the potty na na na na lol
I remember being at the park one night walking the dogs, potty in tow and she needed to go so it had to happen - frowned upon maybe but we were desperate xx

Not sure if this will help but mine refused to use a potty, so o told them they would now have to use the toilet like mummy and daddy and bought a plastic step. Never had a problem ft that day.

In a way it is good that she is "dicking about" as it means she is not feeling stressed by it all. That is a bonus.

She will get there. Have a short break then try again.

DD also did a bit of potty refusal. In the end I would let her run around with no nappy on whilst in the house and would refuse to put one on her until she was so desperate she literally run to it for a wee. She then moved to a step to the toddler toilet seat in no time.
She was dry night and day by 2 years 2 months.

She's nearly 3.
And age 2 is not far too young, it was the completely normal age to train 20 years ago. I trained all 3 of mine at just over 2.

Put it away, my daughter wasn't ready until she was pre school age, we get so stressed about potty training and really if we push it when there not ready. Then it just causes too much upset

OP - she's not too young and she is definitely ready!! Ignore the posters saying she isn't. I would just let her have an accident and when she does, take her straight to the potty/toilet and clean her up with lots of 'oh dear, remember wee goes on the potty etc.' And repeat. It's fine to have the occasional accident and often helps, as they don't like the feeling of being wet.

You have my sympathies though, it's a gross job!

Frustrating isnt it. My potty training days were absolute years ago now but i remember them vividly. I was obsessed. Spent my whole life asking DS if he needed a wee.....if he needed a poo. He would say no, then hide behind the sofa and go. Aarghhhhh. This was when he was 2. Eventually I realise he wasnt ready so I just left it. One day at the childminders he said to her, I don't want to wear nappies I want to wear pants and that was that. He was almost 3 I think.

I mean, listening to my MIL at the time she was saying oooooh all my kids were potty trained by the time they were 1. Yeah right. Honestly, just put it on the back burner and try again in a few months.

You're doing extremely well with your two year old. She can hold her pee and shes quite happy to faff around on the potty!

She just has no concept of time. That this is supposed to be a quick thing.

You could ask her : "Where 's that pee? " As if its a hiding game . And when she does it you could say: " There it is! "

Shes only two and shes being very good. She's being very compliant.

She just needs a little more time to feel safe enough to pee.

But 2 year olds can be way worse than this.

I think your stress comes from the financial side of this. Not from your little girl who is a misunderstood angel!🙂

You are strongly motivated to speed her up but she is in fact a little earlier than most kids these days at cracking this potty business.

Personally I think that when you know they’re ready (and if they can hold it for hours then they are) then you have to go all in. No more nappies (other than at night) and stay in a room with a potty as much as possible so you can whip her onto it as soon as she looks like she’s about to go. Don’t force her onto it if she doesn’t need a wee but have it available at all times.

Leave the potty out and available.
Let her wander around in knickers.
She'll either wet herself and not like it .. or tell you she needs to go for a wee.
Some kids just don't like the potty and skip straight to the toilet.

I completely disagree with this. You cannot let this become a power struggle. She has to have autonomy over her body.

Some kids prefer the toilet. If she hates the potty, then at least it’s worth a try. I don’t know if they still do them, but I had a sort of miniature toilet/potty thing that the kids were happy with.

Both girl and boy were day and night trained by the time they were 2 and a half - nurseries (back in the day) wouldn’t take them until they were.

DS1 rejected the potty and decided to use the toilet after two days, but DS2, who is two, uses the potty just fine and is (still) scared of the big toilet. Bribes also possibly would have worked for DS2 (though we didn't use them) but definitely wouldn't for DS1, who would be devastated if he didn't get the chocolate button and then try and demand more and more buttons for pointless things and make that the battle. So I think people should back off and give OP credit for knowing her own child.

Anyway, I am in the camp that doesn't believe in 'being ready', and we did have a few days of refusing to sit on the potty with DS2, so I'm afraid we just put him on it when it was obvious he needed a wee and just gently but firmly held him on so he couldn't leap straight off again. It took about a week to 10 days to get him potty trained, and a few months on he very rarely has accidents. He's actually much better than his older brother (who was more on board with the concept initially) was at the same stage.

Just wait a couple of weeks and try again.
Being ready is more than just holding wee and being able to pull their pants down. It’s being willing as well. This can change in a matter of weeks.
MIL was horrified that I went back to nappies after a few days but when we tried again the next month and DC1 ‘got it’ in a couple of days she conceded it was much better than her following DH round with a potty and drowning in wet pants for months.

Where do you keep the potty? My daughter was the same and when I moved it to the downstairs toilet she would go.

@argghhjustcant probably not for everyone but I used to put the potty in front of the TV when I wanted my kids to use it. They got to watch their show whilst doing a number 1/2. It worked!

Op my tuppence worth, get out in the garden.
Accidents on the grass are less stressful than in the house.

I appreciate that this is much easier to say then do, but you need to drop out of this power struggle. She sounds quite a lot like my dd who still can’t wee under pressure and doesn’t do bribery.
I would just back off completely, I haven’t followed any of the training methods with mine and they all got there with no fuss.
Why can’t she just be in pull ups and then she has control over when she goes. When she wees in the pull up, just keep it very neutral and say something about trying for the potty next time. She clearly has some control over her bladder but you don’t want to set up a pattern of withholding, that’s just going to be a world of hassle down the road.

ps. Don’t load her up with loads of blackcurrant squash, it’s a bladder irritant for loads of people!

Sounds to me like she did really well yesterday. Lots of wees in the right place. Then a poo accident (understandable) after which it unravelled a bit and you got stressed.

Just reset today. Offer the potty occasionally. Don't make her sit on it if she doesn't want to. Keep on going about your usual routine but be ready to accept accidents. They happen - sometimes lots. Just make sure if possible that surfaces (eg. car seats) are protected.

I personally wouldn't entertain pull-ups for daytime - they just confuse the issue.

Overall I think it's your expectations that are clouding your judgment. Expect lots of accidents. Remain positive and encouraging. Reward with praise for the right behaviours. Gentle reminders for unwanted behaviours. You will crack this.

OP herself has indicated it is a power struggle. When you say 'autonomy over her own body', do you mean that DD should choose her own time to use the potty, rather than bring 'trained'?

I've read through all your posts (though not the whole thread) and didn't see an answer to: what's the rush? Two is still pretty young - almost none of my children's peers were trained by then. Maybe switch back to nappies for a while, if she wants to? Either way being more relaxed about it all will help you both, no matter how long it ultimately takes. You could have another year of this ahead of you!