AIBU to smash the potty into little pieces

[argghhjustcant]

I feel like giving up, honestly. Two year old has held her urine for five hours. Finally got her to sit on the potty and she’s just leaning forward so her face is on the ground and dicking about basically.

I am trying to be positive but she’s not cooperating at all and I can’t do anything without her wanting to do it.

It sounds like she's doing really well. You've probably just got a bit stressed and are asking her to try too often and she's picked up on it. I had something similar on day 2 or 3 potty training ds. I put him in the bath to trigger the wee and then tried to just calm down. Then all was fine again.

Don't stop, you've had one bad afternoon that's all. Rome was not built in a day, keep going and she'll get there.

Most people who say they're children had it cracked after a day or whatever really mean their kid understood the concept of using the potty after a day, delve a little deeper and you usually realise the kid often has 'accidents' which is normal and to be expected.

We’ve been through this recently. The potty had been out for the best part of the year and bar a few days last summer she had zero interest in using it, wouldn’t entertain sitting on it, nursery had said she was ready as the nappy was dryer between changes. We got a seat/step set and within two days she was completely dry. Don’t overlook the toilet as we skipped the potty completely!
Stickers and making it seem like it was her idea also helped!

Seconding this, could be over-prompting.

We prompted every half hour to begin with and it was far too much & led to resistance. I dialled it right back and reduced the pressure with pull ups for a day and that did the trick. DS usually tells us when he needs to go now, but if not I keep it to around every 1.5 hours. I know you said you were only asking once an hour OP, but you might need to reduce the pressure even further for a little while after your 4 hour stand-off!

It does sound like she’s doing really well but I know when you’re in the thick of it every accident feels like a backslide. Trust the process though, she will get it. You’re both doing great.

If she won’t respond to stickers or treats, what about a favourite character - for example in a potty themed book or short programme? DS really liked the Ms Rachel potty training video. We also modelled his favourite teddy using the potty.

You can buy little black round discs from Amazon. When hot wee hits them they produce a cute picture of either animals, fairies, dinosaurs or smiley faces. Not a solution in itself but one of many strategies which together with other ideas above may get you there. Good luck

Blowing bubbles on the potty relaxes them!

I had this too 6 months ago.

if she is holding it then she is ready. Do not give up.

we used the oh crap method and I read that book cover to cover. My daughter went on strike due to losing control for 4-5 days. We had a great day one when it was fun and then absolute horror story after that.

she would refuse all day then wee in the nappy at nap and bedtime.

I had to go for drives alone for my mental health as she was so so difficult. We could not tell her, it was her catalyst. We decided to say nothing. we never asked her, it just ended in meltdown.

Anither thing that broke the ice was to take her out the house. My mum who usually looks after her once a week took her on day 5 and magically she was weeing and pooing perfectly for her then refused when she came home that evening.

The following day we took her to a role play centre with a potty to hand and she did a wee there on the potty.

She cracked it after that. Day 6. It was truly some of my worst days of parenting prior to that but she did come around very suddenly.

We are 6 months in now and we still rarely ask her if she needs to go, as NO is her default answer to everything. We let her lead. She genuinely does not have accidents, ever.

stick at it. oh crap method.

You are clearly not interested in suggestions of skipping the potty and trying the toilet, but it’s what worked for us. A ladder with a padded seat and handles was exciting enough that my DS used that much earlier than the potty. He uses
the potty for convenience now, so he doesn’t have to go too far away from where he’s playing etc, but it’s been his choice to incorporate the potty

Wouldn't you be with her though?
We bypassed potty for both kids and didn't even bother with the kids seat, just used a stool so they could get up.
Honestly so much better than having to clean out a potty each time and they both took to it much more easily.
Don't be hard on yourself you're doing a great job and it's not easy. She doesn't sound quite ready yet. I'd leave it a few weeks and then try again.

Have you tried bribery? Mine peed for raisins.

Try her with toilet using a seat and a step. One of mine wouldn’t use the potty at all and went straight to the toilet

I got my son some "cool" Buzz Lightyear" underwear and some other stuff with dogs on it. The deal was that he could only wear this if he was out of nappies. This is not politically correct but my mother steadfastly told him that big boys didn't wear nappies. We are talking about a three year old though boys seems to take longer to train. One day he just went into the bathroom, climbed up on his stepstool, did the business, wiped, flushed and washed his hands. (We had a smaller toilet set set up so it was possible for him to sit without falling into the bowl.) I was standing there mouth agape ready to worship whatever god was responsible for this. He was completely day trained from that moment forward. For ages afterwards, he would hiss if we ever got near the nappy section in the supermarket that, "Big boys don't wear nappies." Strangely my SIL trained her cat to use the loo but he didn't flush.

Oh, and the potty disappeared shortly afterwards. It was taken for other younger children who needed a potty. Strangely, my son claimed to have seen the potty fairy take flight clutching the said potty.

Is she wearing pants or you putting her on the potty but she’s still wearing a nappy/pull up. If it’s this I think this maybe confuses them.

I put my daughter straight into pants through the day. She wet herself once but never did again. I didn’t use a potty, it was a small seat on the toilet.

I did the same with my son but he had more accidents until they eventually stopped.

I used the Oh Crap! Potty Training book and the Pirate Pete potty book. It worked for us. She's very little. It will get easier.

The fact that she can hold her wee in for hours shows she's totally ready - this is just a power struggle. This idea that "they're not ready" if its in any way difficult is just bizarre.

@argghhjustcant I recommend bribery in the form of chocolate buttons.

Thanks all. I don’t know why I got so stressed about it yesterday. Today is a new day and all that.

Emotional readiness is just as important as physical
it's not worth battling over

I think there is a power struggle because you are asking her to go too often. Does it matter if she has accidents at this early stage? My youngest is also nearly 3 so we have gone through this recently and she is very stubborn. If it looks like she needs to go, we remind her that wees go in the potty or toilet. She’ll usually shout that she doesn’t need a wee in blind rage so we have to turn away and ignore her and 95% of the time she’ll take herself off on her own accord. Interestingly she is far better using toilets when out the house and there isn’t the struggle we have at home.

Keep at it and if she has a day of repeated accidents don’t stress and do NOT put her back in pull ups. She sounds very ready - but also just being an arsehole toddler

At age two you need to be helping her get on it anyway and off.

@Nosleepforthismum that’s what ChatGPT said 😂 and it’s true … I’ve tried not to ask at all except when leaving somewhere or for school run but it’s frustrating when you know she needs to go and just won’t!

If she doesn’t crack it after a few days, stop and try again in a few weeks. Never bribe a child to use the potty as some have suggested, only praise for any positive steps.

Aww, I do sympathise. With one of my DC we had a couple of false starts when he was two. I listened to MIL who said it could be he wasn't ready and not to feel bad about it. He cracked it a week after his third birthday - really quickly. This was a relief because we wanted him to be able to start preschool toilet trained. My other two were both two when they got it. I think it completely depends on the child. As long as they're out of nappies to start school/preschool is the main thing. Good luck!

God, no wonder so many 4 year old are turning up at school not toilet trained if this is the sort of rubbish parents believe now.

Do they have to be "emotionally ready" to dress themselves or use cutlery too - that would explain a lot.

Drop over to the Teenagers board and share this wisdom there. The reason your teen makes a fuss about helping round the house /doing homework is that they're not emotionally ready. Leave it a few months and try again.

Its too early. Wait a bit till she is ready. I tried with my 2 year old she was very upset we tried later and she was ok with it.

You need to calm down.

Is this your normal reaction to not getting your own way?

I feel so sorry for your child.

She’s not ready. She’s tired.