AIBU to smash the potty into little pieces

[argghhjustcant]

I feel like giving up, honestly. Two year old has held her urine for five hours. Finally got her to sit on the potty and she’s just leaning forward so her face is on the ground and dicking about basically.

I am trying to be positive but she’s not cooperating at all and I can’t do anything without her wanting to do it.

Give it a bit more time. She's only 2. Then get a baby seat for the toilet and tell her its for big girls, and that she is a big girl.

I agree with this. Try a kids seat on the toilet "so you'll be just like xxxx" (someone she admires). Maybe she finds the potty too babyish especially as she's refusing nappies

My 2 year old will sometimes use the potty/toilet and sometimes not.

Things that have worked in the last week included:
Letting her climb onto her new toilet seat with step herself.
Putting her on the old toilet seat with no step.
Getting her to use the potty while I'm on the toilet.
Travel potty. (I think she just likes having lots of options...)
Taking a book to the toilet.
Songs on the toilet.
Big girl pants - but she has to try the toilet before she puts them on.

Run the cold tap for a while. The sound of running water sometimes makes them pee.

Also, consider bribery. A gummi bear for each pee?

My (somewhat precocious) 2 year old announced he wasn’t wearing nappies anymore at 2 (wanted to be like his friend). It was his call, I’d have left it a bit longer. They need to be ready.

We didn’t bother with potties, went straight to the loo with a seat insert.

This.

Ha ha our ds would use the toilet to get the prize but then stop using it when the prizes stopped (I’m talking after Weeks of prizes not one day!)
The only thing that worked was being blasé about the whole thing. I earned sainthood with my patience. If he made a mess I’d tell him, ‘you know what to do’ and he’d clean everything up. After awhile I even managed to believe myself that I couldn’t care less!

She’s two and there’s nothing in it for her. If she’s not into bribery wait until she is or find something more attractive.

This was my DD2 20 years ago! At one point I said to her “are you still going to be wearing nappies when you start school?” And she shrugged and said “probably”! Then one day she just decided she wanted to do it - and only ever had one accident day and night. So my advice is to stick her back in nappies for now, give both of you a breather. She’ll do it when she’s ready, and you'll probably have a really easy time of it.

I don't really get why you're so pressed about it, sounds like she's using the potty loads. She's not going to stay at the stage she's at forever, just ignore the 'dicking about' as much as possible meantime

I know logically I’m overreacting, it’s been a fraught few weeks and I’ve actually been a bit worried by how wound up and angry I’m getting over unimportant stuff (I was raging yesterday because of a spam call; I mean yes, it’s annoying but not that annoying) and I’m finding it so hard to be patient with the children.

You need to try calm down, it’s not good to get so stressed and angry with your daughter over potty training. She will do it when she’s ready, try not to make such a battle with it

Aw man sounds so frustrating!

I'm following this thread because my DD is also 2 and also ready to be potty trained but, I suspect, will be similarly obstructive!

My plan is to keep pressure very, very low. Pretend like nothing about using the toilet is a big deal. Wee on the floor? No big deal. Wee in the potty? Also no big deal, but I appreciate it. I also plan to just let her have some accidents - I think they'll be unpleasant enough that it will motivate her to use the potty.

Maybe that would work for you? I hope it will work for me!!!???!

Otherwise you might just have to try really hard to see things from you DD's perspective. Using the potty because mummy wants me to is not motivating her - so what would?

It's a puzzle you will solve! Hang in there and don't let it defeat you!

Have you tried giving her a pot of bubbles to blow whilst sitting on the potty? It should keep her upright and is meant to help relax the pelvic floor.

What a wonderful idea. I wish I'd done that with my DD.

Apologies if I'm repeating what others said later...to me, this is really normal and you're doing absolutely fine. It sounds a bit two steps forwards, three back, which is what I always thought was the norm with potty training. She obviously knows what's happening and when she wants to, will decide it's goodbye to nappies. I appreciate it's HUGELY frustrating for you, but I don't think you can force it, any more than you could force an adult to do something.
Similar example for me - my son 'decided' he didn't want to walk til he was 19 months old. Nothing medically wrong, went around EVERYWHERE on his knees from about 10 months. Wouldn't be cajoled, bribed, anything. Not the biggest deal until I had his sister (by c-section) when he was 17 months old, so I was carrying a new born and a knee-walking son! Eventually, one day, he just decided to get up and walk. Walked like he'd been doing it all his life!!
I know it's soooooo annoying, but you will get there.... unfortunately when your little one decides it will be the case.
PS I used the Gina Ford book for potty training guidance, as I had absolutely no idea, and it did the job within a week...

They don't need to be ready, but if they are it's a breeze. If they're not, it's a battle like OP is having, or loads of accidents.

Why not wait until it's easy? Why do it when it's hard if there's a better option when you wait for a bit?

Get a seat and put her on the toilet

I know you know this, but you have to calm yourself down about this. It is difficult that there's time pressure, and frustrating that she started well then went off track, but you will regret it if you let her see you getting angry about this. I got in to a really stressy and protracted (I mean years) mess with one of mine over toilet training, and regret how emotional it all got- it didn't help. Try not to think of it in terms of her having the ability but refusing- that can't be helping you regulate your emotions, and actually you don't know what's going on in her little head really.

This is why children are going to school in nappies. Being a parent is about teaching them the things they need to be able to do at an appropriate time, not waiting until they fancy doing it.

I have toilet trained plenty of children. It doesn't need to be a battle at all.

Exactly. It's not a battle if they're ready. Which OP child is not.

There's a lot of time between 2 and school age, so you can wait until they're ready and still be well before school starting. Worked for all of mine.

Then permit me to tell you two short potty training horror stories - you'll feel better, I promise.

Ds2 (can't recall age) had a few poo-on-the-floor accidents. The most memorable being when I walked into the beautiful, sunny conservatory to find him knelt over a pile of shit that he was driving his toy cars through & making lovely wheel patterns all over the floor! Some were parked atop it, some half way through & he'd one in each hand that were zooming all over the fucking place!

And then there is me.. A very clear memory of potty training where I tipped my potty full of poo over on my bedroom floor, got my toy hoover (that was beige) & I hoovered it up.

Then I hoovered the wall. I think the only reason I remember is the diabolical stench.

Point is - neither Ds2 (who is now 18) nor I (at 47) have any difficulties at all with using the toilet despite being utter arseholes with our potty training.

Take a breath & try not to pressure yourself. She'll get there 😊

Hav you shown her her friends or cousins doing wee on potty then getting praise and treat?

Distract
Get her to try to blow a balloon to help her release
Put potty in front of tv then make a "ssss" sound
Sit her on potty in bathroom & turn tap on

I sympathise as my daughter was (is) very strong willed and would never ever sit on the potty if I ask her. The more I asked, bribed, nagged etc the worse it got. So I just completely backed off. I didn't ever ask her to sit on it and guess what, she was dry within 3 days.
If she weed on the floor, I'd very cooly say something like 'you weed on the floor. Wees go in the potty' and that's it. Yes it will seem like they don't care but they do! After several accidents like this, she started getting herself there. Obviously praise for doing it but not too much - like it's no big deal it's just what we do are here kind of attitude. She needed to know that it wasn't a big deal to me. Bribes and charts and stickers all make it a big deal so didn't work for us.
Even now she won't go before we go in the car or something if I ask her!