AIBU to smash the potty into little pieces

[argghhjustcant]

I feel like giving up, honestly. Two year old has held her urine for five hours. Finally got her to sit on the potty and she’s just leaning forward so her face is on the ground and dicking about basically.

I am trying to be positive but she’s not cooperating at all and I can’t do anything without her wanting to do it.

As you recognise, many kids (mine included) don't do bribery (they see you withholding the bribe as a punishment and a power trip which I guess it kinda is!) People saying she's not ready, leave it a few weeks- I think that's a nice way of saying YOU'RE not ready- stop until you know you can do it and hold your shit together. You nailed it in one of your early messages- it's become a power struggle.

I think you should continue to use chatgpt on this- pacing things out is one of its strengths- its a bit like managing a project that will have ups and downs but if you lose your shit you'll set it back.

Yes, she COULD do it, but she's a separate person to you and this is often one if the first times parents realise that. You'll need to learn new, subtler strategies.

I just read your comments.

You are angry. You are frustrated. You want her moved up a class in nursery. You want her to get into play school. It’s high stakes for you. You are causing your child to withhold.

Accidents hapen. One poo is one poo.

She’s been doing incredibly well and you are sabotaging her.

Some tips but I suspect from your responses yesterday you may rant a bit.

Keep plying her with her favorite drink in a fun low key way so she’s super hydrated. She’ll need to pee more and it will be lower stakes.

Yes she can be bribed. A sticker won’t cut it - but you are so angry and it’s high stakes her bribes need to be bigger to compensate. I’d do toys or privileges. You say nappies are so expensive so spending money on bribes is worth it.

This all works better when parents can be at home with the child, spend time and have fun. I would suggest that the Easter break would have been a better time to have been home for longer and more chilled.

Your anger is the problem here. At a two year old. If a stranger was being so hostile to her you’d be horrified.

I used to sit mine on it in front of the dolls house on a little table, so they could play whilst sitting. Seemed to work! Not that it wasn't a long and arduous task!!

Oh crap method worked for us. We just took away nappies entirely and rode it out until it was done (except for night time pull up). We didn't put them on the potty we just waited until they needed to go, however long that took and then directed them to it (or sat them on it if they had started to wee on floor). You have to have them naked from waist down at first so they can go fast and you have to watch them like a hawk. The idea is that they start to understand their cues rather than going on command. Took a week until no accidents at nursery and although home was quicker. About 5 weeks until no accidents in car or out and about, as he learned to hold it better

Eh
I have a teenager. I tried potty training when he was 2.5, didn't work. Tried again 3 months later, he picked it up immediately. Of course emotional readiness is important with child development, especially toddlers.

Ignore what the experts say, give her a sweet/chocolate every time she uses the potty it worked for mine she was potty trained in 3 days. She was 2 year 7months. My little one is 2 years 2 months now and although she could be ready I’m going to wait a few more months as i want to make sure she’s going to nail it. If you’re worried about an accident before a car journey rip up a nappy and use it as a liner in the car seat and if she wets herself then at least the car seat is saved. I also bought some great nickers off Amazon that have a bit of urine catching cloth in them but they still feel wet if weed in so they are aware

It is very hard to relax, but you have to do it. She can hold it, and if you leave it as "you know where it is" she might still fail, but she will more likely fail choosing to do it rather than dicking you about. (I had to nearly strangle my husband to stop him over prompting).

Also, READINESS WAS INVENTED BY FUCKING PAMPERS, FFS STOP PERPETUATING IT PEOPLE!

Oh and I found the Miss Rachel's words were far more influential than mine.

It's po-oh oh oh oh oh otty time, it's poooooootty time....

Upon reading this I thought 'smash the potty' would make a lovely Olympic sport.

Can't offer any advice OP, unfortunately.

We used a potty and pull ups when we were out of the house (the horror) and they were both potty trained in time for preschool. It doesnt need to be done quickly, I think the "oh crap" method has given everyone the impression potty training can be done in less than a week. It's OK to do it slowly. I think she's doing really well tbh op! Keep going

We have four, have had potties and steps etc, first three all a similar stage/age used potties for a bit, then all had a stage of using both. Plenty of other challenges but toilet training all pretty straightforward

Child 4, we had a nightmare, three different potties, different locations, encouragement, bribes, frustration, massive celebrations when potty was used. Expect for poos, absolute point blank refusal, initially just at home and would go at nursery but then started refusing both, we had some awful nights/days and had to revert to nappies at night after she would refuse to go for days. Then we had a week of letting go her use a nappy in the day but only if she sat on the toilet or potty at the same time. Then after a week she had a tantrum when I went to get a happy, she wanted to use the toilet (steps/seat) and 18 months later we've never used another nappy. Honestly it was so frustrating and utterly bizarre how it happened bit something in her little mind was stopping her, then suddenly switched - we'd potentially resigned ourselves to it taking longer and I think took all our attention away and that's all it took.

Very hard to navigate around works, school runs, nursery, clubs etc etc

Look after you

Stickers aren’t going to do it. Go and buy a pack of mini Easter eggs. No other treats. Occasionally eat an egg in front of her, making noises of chocolate-pleasure if you know full well she could wee and have one too.

This sucks, it’s truly dreadful. I enjoy parenting but potty training at this precise stage is just the worst.

Op keep going. She's holding that long shes ready.
My youngest sounds like yours held all day before Dad plonked the potty in front of the telly.
Keep going

Haha yes yabvu but we’ve all been there

What's your potty like? My DS absolutely hated the standard little potty toddlers use,

My dad bought my toddler this and he absolutely loved it ( so did I tbh it was very cute ) https://www.wilko.com/en-uk/h-o-direct-white-potty-training-toilet-with-sound/p/0804453?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=22774366549-&utm_content=182230032436-&utm_term=&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=22774366549&gbraid=0AAAAADr56JdsCPhPm14CV2OxyGglapJ6n&gclid=Cj0KCQjwj47OBhCmARIsAF5wUEHmZMxjr0o6rSUEySGOo5bXy6pQS51WdHDHplXwgTjXhv-nRLoB3G0aAn3iEALw_wcB

I hate to tell you this, but she's 2 and she's found her secret weapon. She now knows what drives her mother wild and that means POWER! All 2 year olds are mini control-seeking dictators disguised by cuteness. Your best survival option is to become Zen Mummy, completely unbothered by whether she wees in the potty or not.

my daughter was very similar. It was a power struggle and potty training had me pulling my hair out. But she turned 3 last month and she’s now dry day and night.

I agree to take the pressure off but that’s easier said than done. We found introducing the ‘wee wee wiggle’ helped. When you spot them two stepping and wiggling as they’d obviously need to pee, we would turn it into a dance, we’d shout the ‘wee wee wiggle’ and everyone in the house had to start dancing and dance their way to the potty, mum dad brother too . Then we would listen for the ‘wee’ once she sat on the potty which was the wee singing, and we’d belt out a song, moana, frozen whatever would work. I don’t know if it would work for you but it did for us, she enjoyed the attention and before long she was shouting ‘wee wee wiggle’ and dancing when she needed to go.

Exactly what I did with my 2. And yes it was chocolate buttons, worked a treat! Also don't let her twat about, take her off after a minute if she's not performed and treat only if she goes. It took mine a couple of days, job done. Good luck OP

Have you tried putting the potty in the bath and running some water around her feet. The feel of the water will hopefully release the urine. We did this a couple of times. It’s a bit of a faff but it works. After a bit the threat of this was enough to make them go by themselves. It is frustrating when you know they can do it but won’t. Another of mine was like this. She wanted to come with me to the shops one day and after days of struggling with potty training I said no because she needed a wee. She went and got the potty and did it straight away.

This

If you don’t mind me asking, how old are you? Could you be hitting peri? I have an actual red mist of rage sometimes, and it’s scary.

re: potty, I said she wasn’t ready, then realised there were tons of pages (I always do that 🙄) so read your comments, and she sounds very clever! I think just try what others have said and just relax over it. Not sure if anyone else has said this, but blowing bubbles (her trying to do it herself) might help her relax enough to let go of the wee.

good luck.

I just wanted to say I feel your pain OP and I also completely failed to be patient about potty training. It's when you know they need to go, they know they need to go, but they just won't.

DD1 would hold it for hours despite prompting, then do a massive wee on clothes/carpet etc, usually when we were about to go out.

DD2 was dry both day and night by age 2.5 of her own accord, but then started refusing to go for poos - she'd be dancing around clearly needing to go but refuse, then there would be a massive poo in pants. Didn't seem to be constipated or anything, just refused to go. She did this nearly up until starting school (summer birthday so still only 3.5) but thankfully stopped just before school started.

There's lots of good tips on this thread. But it's definitely one of the most maddening parts of parenting, especially with a stubborn kid!

Another vote for give it some time. Physically ready and mentally ready are two different things.

Age 2 is far too young and is more about you wanting her to be toilet trained and not your child.

I love little girls that show a ‘stubborn streak’ early on…if that’s managed well, one day she’ll be a kickass grownup who will absolutely know her own mind. Love it!

As others have said, I’m sure you’re doing a very good job - you’re just navigating the process with a little one who probably isn’t quite ready. She sounds pretty close though. I’d suggest putting the potty away for 2 weeks (explain you’re putting it away) and then do the whole cheap toys in shiny paper thing! ‘I’ve got an idea - if you have a wee in the potty, you can have one of these. What do you think?’

She’ll get there! And three cheers for the one day woman she will be. :)