AIBU to smash the potty into little pieces

[argghhjustcant]

I feel like giving up, honestly. Two year old has held her urine for five hours. Finally got her to sit on the potty and she’s just leaning forward so her face is on the ground and dicking about basically.

I am trying to be positive but she’s not cooperating at all and I can’t do anything without her wanting to do it.

I’m focusing on potty training and I’m not interested in an argument about the toilet, thanks for your input just the same 👍🏻

It's so hard! Mine can hold her wee, tells me when she needs to go and will happily sit on the potty..... and not go until her nappy is back on. Same with poo. So she is totally ready but just won't. We're going to try a few days in just knickers when we have time over the bank holiday.

That’s not dissimilar in some ways @Mt563 except she doesn’t tell me when she needs to go (at the moment she mostly just makes this horrible ‘ehhhh’ noise … I’m finding parenting her SO challenging at the moment.)

I get that it’s a big thing for them but it’s also like … how is a quick pee every hour or so so fucking taxing!?

OP, you are coming across as rather negative and stubborn. It's not logical to conclude that her refusing to sit on the potty means she wouldn't use a step and sit on the loo. Try it and see if she will. Sing with her or recite nursery rhymes as she sits there.

So when do you envisage her using the loo? Or do you see her using the potty all her life? Just skip the potty.

We potty/toilet trained at 18 months and dd almost immediately got the hang of it. It worked really well for about a month or two and then she started weeing on the floor in revenge, eg if we told her she couldn’t do something because it was dangerous, she would run off and wee on the carpet. This went on for many months. All the while she happily used the toilet at nursery, and if someone came to visit us she would proudly go and get her potty and wee in front of them. I was ready to throw the towel in and spent many hours googling what to do. I came across a website dedicated to child-led potty training where the advice was that I should put my child back in nappies and apologise profusely to her for being so over involved in her bodily functions and potty training before she was ready. It was such a crock of shit that it made me more determined than ever to continue potty training. At some point it just resolved itself. I suddenly realised that I was no longer on edge and hovering over dd all the time because she would just take herself off to the toilet.
In conclusion, I know it’s hard and frustrating but don’t give up.

It's all about finding the right motivation.

We did a sticker chart - but, the stickers weren't the prize.

If she got X number of stickers in a day, she got a small prize (think I had raided local charity shops for crap!) BUT, when she fully filled her chart - she got the one thing her little heart always desired. A fancy dress costume. As it was more expensive she had to really earn it - with the smaller gifts to keep up the motivation. I stuck pictures of the fancy dress thing all over the sticker chart too to keep her focussed.

She went from being completely rubbish with the potty, to fully focussed! Oh, and keep up the liquids!

She is very little. I do agree thy can be taught but you sound quite angry. They pick up on that and it’s scary.

You might be interested to know that your advice is actually not what is suggested by ERIC. Of course if it’s worked for you that’s brilliant but I do have to take this a step at a time. For most children, the potty is where they start and don’t have issues moving onto the toilet as they get too big for the potty. Shall we move on, because I do feel you’re trying to dominate the thread a bit with this agenda and it isn’t why I’m posting.

Thanks all, it’s been a frustrating few days. The timeline is

Started a few weeks ago, promising start then refusal to sit on the potty. ChatGPT recommended a reset - just keep the potty available but use pull ups, so I did.

Then forgot her nappy after swimming on Saturday. I just put trousers on and tried to put her nappy on in the car but she refused. She stayed dry and had a wee on the potty at home. I thought - great. Sunday similar trajectory.

Nursery yesterday, wore pants and went to the potty, great.

Today - wee first thing
Wee before school run and playgroup
Wee after playgroup

poo accident in the afternoon, did a ChatGPT ‘oh dear, poo poos in the potty!’

Then point blank refusal to wee on the potty, bearing in mind it’s now gone 4 and she last wee’d at 1230.

I know, I was so frustrated I just don’t know what to do.

Just leave it a while. If she decides to make a battle out of it, it could go on for ages and get even more annoying!

ChatGPT already told you. Lower that pressure. Poor kid probably doesn't want to wee on demand just because you don't like nappies.

They're ALL. Interested in bribery. You just need to know her currency! If it's not chocolate buttons/blueberries it could be stickers/a story/a walk - there will be something she values. .

I had exactly the same. DD could hold her wee, was totally ready and understood what the potty was for but just kept withholding. She went a whole day without going and I was properly stressing, but found something on a forum about the way you phrase it to them, it suggested saying "time to go for a wee now, okay?" and it actually worked!!

It became a trigger, she would go every single time we said it, until she eventually just started going unprompted. I know it sounds like a stretch, I didn't think it would work, but if she's definitely ready, worth a shot?

Wait til she needs a wee and then put her on the potty rather than getting her to sit and try. Up the drinks so she needs to go.

I'm not sure it's what the parenting books would advise, but when my DD was most definitely just being stubborn about it I took her dolls away and sat them on the shelf. I knew she could do it because she was reliably weeing behind the sofa, and going there intentionally to do it.

Wishing you the best of luck! This is one of those “choose your hard” moments.

It’s hard potty training a just turned 2 year old who (it sounds like) isn’t that self motivated to do it. But as others have said, it’s doable with perseverance.

It’s also hard to resign yourself to 3/6 months more of nappies and try again. This is what I did, and 6 months later we were done in 3 days. But I felt like a failure at the time putting DC back in nappies.

Withholding wee is….ok. But if I recall correctly (do check with ERIC) if she starts withholding poo then put her back in nappies immediately. Believe me, trying to get a toddler to drink movicol sachets several times a day for a few years because their bowel is stretched out and they keep getting constipated is really, really hard.

Have her dolls and teddies been using the potty, they have, that’s great, what big girls and boys they are, good job Teddy, here’s a sticker? This approach worked for my DC.

Honestly, there isn’t. My ds was the same, if I offered her a sticker for sitting on the potty she’d just tantrum.

She’s closer to 3 than 2 … she turns three in the summer.

Lowering the pressure means giving up which is fine in a way except it’s just a worry that it could go on indefinitely … and she’s already not in the next room up at nursery because of this issue. I have the option to enroll her in a little preschool but can’t until she’s potty trained. So I am feeling a bit of pressure.

It sounds as if she’s actually used the potty a lot in the last few days. Toddlers can be very stubborn and you are locking horns with her, just leave it and let it happen naturally when she’s ready.

Childcare settings actually aren't allowed to hold her back just because she isn't potty trained, so pleased don't worry about that. (And you might want to challenge them if they are)

I know it's stressful but I think you need to try to chill out a bit. Reading back your summary of the last few days, she's actually doing pretty well. It's only this afternoon that's not been great?

Keep going big on the praise when she even sits on the potty and try as hard as you can to feign nonchalance when she doesn't. Take her to the bathroom with you and encourage her to sit on the potty while you sit on the loo. Mine quite enjoyed a special magazine that was only for when they were sat on the potty.

It might be that while she appears physically ready, emotionally/psychologically she's not quite there. Don't make this a bigger thing than it is, a few more weeks in nappies is honestly not that big a deal. My eldest went from disastrous to absolutely dry within the space of a week.

What would happen if she just wet herself? If she knows the potty is there can't you jsut leave her knicker less and wait, if she were to wet would she hate it and decide herself to use the potty?

Edited to say - I just wonder if when push comes to shove she'd just use it herself (probably at the last second).

But my first who hated being made to sit on the potty would just do this and then he just got over it and would sit on demand but not for bloody ages.

If your child is able to hold her wees and willing to sit on a potty then you’re winning. You just need to keep plugging away, increase fluids and find a reward that she wants.

Honestly join the club apart from my DD is 3!! I don’t know how I did it with my first.

I would just let her have an accident. She’s in power struggle mode right now so you can only drop the rope really! Can dad take over and let you chill a bit?
fwiw I was you about 4 months ago, and it was so so hard. I found the whole thing so stressful. For us wees got sorted in a week or so (with accidents at nursery lasting a lot longer though!!), but poos have only been sorted in the last 10 days! My little boy is not a stubborn child in the main but he would not stop pooing his pants and it was almost impossible not to get cross.