AIBU to smash the potty into little pieces

[argghhjustcant]

I feel like giving up, honestly. Two year old has held her urine for five hours. Finally got her to sit on the potty and she’s just leaning forward so her face is on the ground and dicking about basically.

I am trying to be positive but she’s not cooperating at all and I can’t do anything without her wanting to do it.

Does a bit of reverse psychology work on her? I have a very stubborn girl.

I found saying 'oh yes you are a bit small for the big girl potty, we'll wait til you're bigger shall we' more effective than any bribe.

The frustrating thing is she is ready in a physical sense: can hold her urine, can wee on the potty, knows what the potty is for. She just won’t

She's ready she's just stubborn and it's because she's nearer 3 than 2. Its actually easier when they are younger and less resistant/stubborn.

I actually think the reason so many people struggle with potty training now us they try and do it aged 2.5 to 3 which is when toddlers are MOST stubborn and wilful.

You have to work out what she wants. Screens. Chocolate. Anything.

This. Try this.

1. Because nappies are gross? Its dirty to pee & shit yourself 5 times a day if you have the physical control not to.
2. because presumably op is sick of changing gross nappies
3. because landfill has enough nappies in already
4. because producing and washing washable nappies also has a huge environmental impact.

And I feel your pain. My son was a nightmare for very different reasons.

I spent £30 on a bloody Thomas the tank engine potty that played the theme tune when you peed in it! Although it was a lot bigger and easier to sit on as well.

I guess it was worth it because it finally made him try and I'm still using it as a step stool in the shed....but it hasn't stopped me resenting it a decade on.

Sure its been suggested but the proper little ladders with a seat you just fix over your toilet. Come in bright colours. Mine loved climbing up onto them.

Try again in 2-3 months
my little one was ‘ready’ for ages before they were actually ready and willing, when we tried earlier we got all of this sort of nonsense and tons of withholding, we were tearing our hair out! But when tried again few months later? A breeze!
if you’re met with resistance, then they’re not ready

DGS(2) has this seat with steps for the toilet. He’s been been out of nappies since October, when he was 21 mths, and can get himself on and off the toilet on his own. Children don’t need to use a potty, he didn’t, mine didn’t and when I worked in a nursery a lot of the children there didn’t either.

She sounds like she’s doing well and this is a little blip. I wouldn’t put her back in nappies. All this “being ready” malarkey was thought up by the nappy manufacturers who wanted to make money. Back in the day children were potty trained much earlier than they are nowadays, mine were out of nappies by 2 and that was the norm. Take a deep breath and start tomorrow afresh.

It’s frustrating but you’re doing yourself (and her) no favours by persisting when she isn’t ready. Both of mine were over 3 by the time they were trained. Tried earlier, had the same issues with dicking about and full hysterics. Waited a bit and when we went for it again they did it in days, no accidents, no stress. I’d much prefer that than a lengthy, drawn out period of upset and accidents just so I can say my kid was trained earlier than others.

Has she got any friends, eg at nursery, who are out of nappies?

We found with DD that what pushed her to want to do it was knowing two of her little nursery friends were in pants and using the toilet, and us talking about it as part of them being 'big girls'.

I remember a conversation that went something like:

DD: Willa did a wee in her pants today

Me: Oh did she? Is Willa wearing big girl pants instead of nappies now?

DD: Yes. Sophia wears pants now as well.

Me: Do they try and do their wees on the toilet?

DD: Yes.

Me: Ooh, aren't they big girls now, wearing big girl pants and using the toilet!

A couple of days of her seeing and pondering this, and she was asking when she could wear pants instead of nappies, which meant she was very invested in cracking the potty. She literally learnt in a day, whereas when we tried 3 or 4 months earlier she didn't get it at all.

I don't understand the issue with going straight to toilet instead of using the potty first?

They're ready & they want to are different things.

they are being left until too late/too old to toilet train these days. Previous generations did it much earlier when children were keen to do it & not too happy to just 'go' in their comfortable disposable nappies. Having a soggy,.heavy terry towelling nappy was uncomfortable & well worth learning how not to have one. Because it's not uncomfortable now children aren't so naturally motivated.

Parents are letting their kids get so used to this convenient way to go to the toilet where they don't need to stop playing to go to the toilet. Kids are getting older & older & going to school in nappies. it's madness 'waiting until they're ready'.

the child in the OP is of an age now (almost 3) to think 'nah, can't be bothered with that faff'. A year ago she'd have had this sorted in a few days.

waiting until they're to long and they're massively ready ti think 'nah, I'm giid l uh d this thanhs'

Your kid sounds like mine - bribes didn’t work, positive reinforcement went down like a lead balloon, being more forceful didn’t work. Ultimately, we stopped for a month or so and then tried again. For whatever reason, he didn’t put up a fight when we tried again and it took a day for him to adjust. There were other battles he cared about more by then! I know it’s so frustrating when they’re clearly ready but it’s clearly become a battle and you probably can’t win. Not because you’ve done anything wrong but because there’s no reasoning with a stubborn toddler. When you reintroduce, I wouldn’t say they have to go at certain times. Even now, my DS hates being told to try if he doesn’t feel the need to go. I’d focus on telling them to ‘listen to their body’ and go when they need to. It def reduced the battles for us as our DC felt they were in control.

Neither do I? 4 kids, never owned a potty. Those step/ toilet seats are brilliant though.

She gets it from her mother, apparently :)

She sounds similar to one of our DDs at that age, she would mess around sitting on it in different positions, no interest in bribery or praise, ignored or refused being asked to go on.
What got her to finally use it was telling her to shout "potty potty potty" when she needed to go, she thought it was hilarious and would shout it whilst running over, and once it had that active/loud element she began using it independently herself. If your DD is also quite high energy and finding sitting on it quietly too boring then something like that might get her interest.

First post nails it.

I agree.

What's so special about "blackcurrant squash" in this regard? I'm sure OP is familiar with beverages.

And I'm sure any colourful wrapping paper would do, unless OP's potty training a magpie.

Then forgot her nappy after swimming on Saturday. I just put trousers on and tried to put her nappy on in the car but she refused. She stayed dry and had a wee on the potty at home. I thought - great. Sunday similar trajectory.
Nursery yesterday, wore pants and went to the potty, great.
Today - wee first thing
Wee before school run and playgroup
Wee after playgroup

She’s quite ready. She’s been doing it just fine for several days. She’s just had a poo accident today and for whatever reason that has set her back temporarily. In a few months she’ll be 3 and if OP stops she’ll probably run into worse when it comes to stubbornness.

Why is potty training such a palaver when my kitten used the litter tray automatically just a few weeks after she was born?
I think 2 is very young to start potty training. I waited until DS was 3.

That's what the little step is for to enable toddlers to get on to toilet.

She's not ready though
You are not considering all aspect of readiness, it's more than just whether she knows she needs a wee. Emotionally and developmentally she is not ready. So stop pressuring her.

I was like you and thought I was doing an awful job then we swapped the potty for the toilet seat and it just clicked after months of trying and this included being fully trained overnight as well. I think sometimes as much as you keep trying they wont get it until they are ready

Just do exactly as what you said, pressure off. Just make it a thing you do without demanding she do it. This is what I did with my two who were both trained at two:

I would keep both the toilet and potty accessible. Reminders every half an hour, not telling her she needs the toilet, but rather ‘ooh mummy just needs a quick wee’ and nip off for a sec pretending to wee so you’re not demanding from her. Praise when she does it. If she has accidents, don’t rush to get her out of wet clothes (I mean like a minute not a long time!). Hand her a cloth to help clean up accidents / ask her to put her wet clothes in the wash (you sort the poo accidents). Minimal fuss when she refuses / has accidents, just ‘oh no, wee goes in the potty, let’s clean up’ and move on. Make it so boring she gets nothing out of not using it.

Both of mine just started doing it right one random day after a few days/weeks and I was out of the phase before I’d even realised!