Just found out my husband of 3 years has been cheating for the past 18 months

[Gobsmacked39]

Long story short. On holiday with hubby; this is our first day of a two week holiday. It didn’t start great as his luggage was lost at the airport, so a bit cranky because of it. Trying to help him trace his luggage whilst he was in the pool only to find hundreds of messages, videos, suggestive pics of my hubby and one of his older former colleagues. This has apparently been going on for the past 18 months, whilst we’ve been married for 3 years and going through IVF in the past year. I’m absolutely devastated. I’m struggling to process what’s going on; feeling quite emotionally detached from it all - maybe it’s the shock. Things have not been perfect with IVF and miscarriages but this started way before that …. The messages broke me with I LOVE YOU being said on a daily basis. I’m reading through them and I don’t recognize my marriage; I feel like we’ve been living 2 different realities. He says he loves me but then allegedly he’s infatuated with her… but doesn’t want to break up. I can’t even process what’s going on ….

Oh god, poor you OP. A life changing, shitty thing to happen, and at the worst moment when you’re trapped in a different country. I’d suggest it goes without saying that you need to end the marriage. But that’s to deal with when you’re home. Is there a chance you could fly home, or at least you/him get another room or accommodation somewhere else? The last thing you need right now is to be stuck in a room with him going over it.

I put you are being unreasonable because the only response is to dump him. You shouldn't even need to ask . . .

What a bastard. LTB now

I can’t see what else would happen. I want to be angry but I’m completely emotionally detached. I’m sure it will be different tomorrow but for now I just can’t understand what’s going on. I’m sitting here in the room and don’t recognize this person. I had not clue; none at all.

oh hunny i am so sorry, but believe me you need to leave this man before you have children by him. if he is prepared to do this to you now he does not deserve you. its very early and you'll be in shock, but you haven't lost anything, he has lost you. i personally would leave the holiday early, get home and either chuck his stuff out and change the locks or pack my bags and go to a family or friends house. block him on every single platform, phone etc. and never give him the time of day again. you deserve so much more and in time youll realise he wasn't the one

Don’t disagree

Yeah agree. Best part of the story is that she’s 10 years older, married with two kids…

Painful.

This is terrible I’m so sorry

I’d stay on holiday (kick him out of the room), and start planning.

I’m so sorry this has happened to you, but better now than later down the line 💐

Oh my goodness all this & you’re away from home. I’d be packing asap & leaving him to it. The treacherous sod.

believe me, give it a couple of days then the anger will kick in, you will go through 5 stages, at the moment your in the denial. come on here and talk everyone will support you through it x

Denial: The initial stage where individuals may refuse to accept the reality of the loss, often feeling numb or disconnected.

Anger: A natural response to the perceived unfairness of death, leading to feelings of frustration and sometimes anger towards oneself or others.

Bargaining: Individuals may start to make deals with themselves or others, hoping to change the outcome of the loss.

Depression: A deep sense of sadness and longing for the deceased, which can be intense and may come in waves over time.

Acceptance: The final stage where individuals come to terms with the loss and find a way to move forward, often with a sense of peace and acceptance.

These stages are not exclusive to terminal illness and can apply to various types of loss, including the end of a relationship, job loss, or financial hardship. Understanding these stages can help individuals navigate their grief more effectively and seek support when needed.

He even had the cheek to ask to go out for dinner and talk tomorrow….Emotionally we’re on such different levels.

Yeah I’ll probably be at stage 2 soon after cracking open the champagne left by the resort for our anniversary. You couldn’t make these things up

get some scissors ready and cut holes in the genital area of all his holiday clothes. he sounds like a absolute delusional shite head.

Saddest bit is that I not think he’s got the right level of emotional intelligence to understand what he’s done

oh he knows, if he thought it was ok and acceptable he would have told you upfront what he had been doing. he didn't, he has chosen to lie to you for at least the last 18 months maybe longer. he probably just plays emotionally dumb as a way of manipulating you. let me guess your the organizer, your highly empathetic and kind. he is always unhappy or hard done by.

I am indeed. I planned the holiday; booked all of the restaurants based on his preference; only for me to read today’s messages that he wishes she was here enjoying drinks in the pool with him and appreciating a good steak… I don’t do either. I can’t even allow myself to be angry as this is all pathetic.

i have a feeling he may be a narcissist and your a empath, that you have seen him as this kind caring loving person. but that is actually you, and in fact he hasn't been any of those things and you've just put him before yourself. did he love bomb you when you first met x

He might be. He’s a few years younger so his shortcomings seemed endearing. His parents are teh same and I blamed them rather than see who he really is as well. I do everything in our marriage but I guess that’s never enough. He’s now sleeping by my feet as he refuses to let go and I guess I’m meant feel sorry for him…. Till next time when he continues his affair or God knows what else

The next thing to do is book yourself a flight home if not too far away.. leave him there to sort out his own missing luggage and tell him why. He sounds like a child with you arranging everything. The shock will be horrible...get home before it hits you properly. Look after yourself

or estrogen tablets lol

Don’t have time to feel hurt as the child is having a panic attack….

Go home. I’m so sorry he is such an idiot.