Just found out my husband of 3 years has been cheating for the past 18 months

[Gobsmacked39]

Long story short. On holiday with hubby; this is our first day of a two week holiday. It didn’t start great as his luggage was lost at the airport, so a bit cranky because of it. Trying to help him trace his luggage whilst he was in the pool only to find hundreds of messages, videos, suggestive pics of my hubby and one of his older former colleagues. This has apparently been going on for the past 18 months, whilst we’ve been married for 3 years and going through IVF in the past year. I’m absolutely devastated. I’m struggling to process what’s going on; feeling quite emotionally detached from it all - maybe it’s the shock. Things have not been perfect with IVF and miscarriages but this started way before that …. The messages broke me with I LOVE YOU being said on a daily basis. I’m reading through them and I don’t recognize my marriage; I feel like we’ve been living 2 different realities. He says he loves me but then allegedly he’s infatuated with her… but doesn’t want to break up. I can’t even process what’s going on ….

So sorry OP he doesn’t deserve you. What a shock & his behaviour has been abhorrent.

I don’t think he is faking a panic attack, he’s just overwhelmed that his life has come crashing down on him, and because he’s been found out. I’m guessing your detached manner terrified him!

OP I would call his parents and say you’re worried about him as he’s threatening suicide. Tell reception staff you’re genuinely worried for his mh too. Pack your bags and say you’re getting your own room tonight. Decide what you want to do tomorrow.

I would ask the hotel to provide a chaperone for you whilst you pack, just to be safe. Arrange this before telling him about the room move. Once they’ve knocked on the door deliver the news.

Husband, I’m sorry you’re feeling unwell, but I am too and I need some space away from you. I’m going to stay in my own room tonight. We can chat in the morning.

I’ve called your parents to let them know you’re unwell & have advised the front desk too.

In the morning you tell him it’s over, so he’s free to continue with lady love.

I am so sorry this has happened to you. Lots of good advice on this thread. You sound very strong but make sure you put yourself first in all your decisions.

It doesn't matter how old she is, comparing her with yourself will destroy and self esteem and confidence you have , for no rational reason. Don't distract yourself.

Concentrate on the facts - hes lied and had a long term affair with a married woman with kids. He wouldn't have stopped if you hadn't found out.

He is letting you go through IVF without him being checked. This I find really odd, does he think he is too manly, has je already got children you don't know about? He lies, so you'll never know.

He is not your last chance saloon. Don't do the pick me dance. The best thing you can do for yourself is get right away from him. Tell him you aren't ready to talk to him about anything and you might never be. This way, he can't rush you into thinking about things and confuse you telling you he loves you. He wants things as they were. He will literally say anything and agree with all you say, to pretend to the world he is with you and continue his affair.

I bet he doesn't want anyone to know either. I mean, why should you get support? You're busy supporting him!!! Which is all wrong and that is why its best to get right away from him, tell your family and friends, and get some rl support.

Surely clinic must have had reservations about IVF and its associated risks when DH refused to be tested . I am so sorry OP.

@Beesandhoney123 the OW was pregnant to him, but decided on an abortion. He knew quite well why he didn't need to be tested. The level of deception must be devastating for the OP.

OP only has OW's word for that.

Just hoping OP is managing OK

Not read full thread but OP just wanted to say be careful with any apologies. It seems he isn't sorry for what he has done, just sorry he got caught. He will be trying to minimise the damage to both him and OW.

If she is married how would he know it was his child? OW could have still been having sex with her husband.

OP I hope you are ok.

This. There's no way of knowing who got her pregnant

Or if she ever really was (unless I missed something).

There is if she hadn't been shagging her husband within the requisite time frame.

At least throw his phone in the pool so he can’t talk to her

I don't think the OP is coming back. I hope I'm wrong, but it looks like she's keeping the lying, cheating twat.

Or that!

How are you doing @Gobsmacked39 ?

Are you back home now?

I keep thinking of @Gobsmacked39 too Hope she's doing OK

Good luck.