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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want to stay with my child at a birthday party?

235 replies

ThatWorthyMoose · 20/03/2026 02:13

Hi MN,

My eldest (almost 5) has been invited to a 5th birthday party at a friends home in the upcoming weeks. My husband will be away for work, so I will have almost 5 year old and almost 2 year old with no other option for child care
I messaged the mum of the birthday-boy and said “we would love to be there! Our little boy can’t wait. As dad is away, I’ll have toddler in tow :)”
Mum replied “oh, due to numbers we can’t add an extra, but your child is welcome to stay and you can collect him after”.
i completely appreciate for catering/activities or whatever they have planned birthday-boy has probably chosen the few friends he would like to be there… but I wasn’t really expecting almost 2 year old to participate (it’s during regular nap window so she’ll probably be asleep in the pram for the duration anyway).
How should I respond? I don’t really feel comfortable leaving our little boy there alone as I have only met the school mums socially at school and wouldn’t want to lump the responsibility on anyone else

*I will add I worked in child protection as a graduate about 15 years ago and am probably hyper sensitive in most situations

OP posts:
delna · 20/03/2026 02:17

I think you have to decline the invitation or leave him. I didn't have room for parents/ siblings to stay at that age either.

Funparsnip · 20/03/2026 02:18

If that’s how you feel then I’d just send a polite reply and explain you don’t feel comfortable leaving him so therefore he will be unable to attend but make a point that you weren’t expecting 2 year old to join in/would be napping in pram as she probably thinks you’re being cheeky!

Wizardonabroom · 20/03/2026 02:20

You could politely decline the invitation and do something nice with your DS and 2yr old at home/out and about instead.

The other option is to have faith that there are a fair number of other parents staying at the party (I assume) so the likelihood of anything untoward happening is low. This is also reliant on your DS being happy for you to leave him.

Only you know what you are comfortable with but you have every right to want reassurances about your DCs safety with adults you're not as familiar with.

WellThatsAlrightThen · 20/03/2026 02:25

As the party was at home I think you should have asked if ot was ok to bring another child, not just said you would. Just reply that you’re sorry you won’t be able to make it. Don’t mention your other child will be napping as it sounds like you’re trying to make her change her mind.

Putitinanenvelope · 20/03/2026 02:29

I would think it very unlikely that your toddler would sleep through the noise from a bunch of excited 5yr olds so there’s that but even if they did, you can’t just assume there will be space for a pram for them to sleep in a house already hosting a birthday party, have you even been to the house could it be a flat with stairs that would be even worse. So you either say no to the invitation or drop off your 5 yr old it’s a straight forward decision really.

JMSA · 20/03/2026 02:38

WellThatsAlrightThen · 20/03/2026 02:25

As the party was at home I think you should have asked if ot was ok to bring another child, not just said you would. Just reply that you’re sorry you won’t be able to make it. Don’t mention your other child will be napping as it sounds like you’re trying to make her change her mind.

This.

Toddlerteaplease · 20/03/2026 02:42

There may well be other ‘toddlers in tow’ in pushchairs. The hosts probably can’t accommodate multiple siblings and pushchairs. Just drop him off.

ShetlandishMum · 20/03/2026 02:42

Go for a walk with child in a stroller while the birthday is on. I did that quite often.

Jk987 · 20/03/2026 02:44

The host definitely thinks you’re expecting her to cater for and include the toddler in the celebrations.

Jk987 · 20/03/2026 02:46

i agree with going for a walk and leaving your phone number with the host.

Original poster
ThatWorthyMoose · 20/03/2026 02:48

oh goodness, I’m now feeling it’s probably my hyper-vigilant brain assuming all other parents would be present. All previous class parties have admittedly been at play centers or parks, so parents have always stayed and milled about. Navigating the world of school aged children is a learning curve!!

I’ll have a chat with DC tomorrow about behavioral expectations if I’m not present :)

OP posts:
Original poster
ThatWorthyMoose · 20/03/2026 02:52

Wizardonabroom · 20/03/2026 02:20

You could politely decline the invitation and do something nice with your DS and 2yr old at home/out and about instead.

The other option is to have faith that there are a fair number of other parents staying at the party (I assume) so the likelihood of anything untoward happening is low. This is also reliant on your DS being happy for you to leave him.

Only you know what you are comfortable with but you have every right to want reassurances about your DCs safety with adults you're not as familiar with.

It’s taking me a very long time (and a little bit of therapy) to rewire myself to believe that MOST adults are safe adults

OP posts:
PollyBell · 20/03/2026 02:53

You decline do not add another guest to someone becasue you are paranoid

CrazyGoatLady · 20/03/2026 03:06

I know it's tough (used to work in CAMHS) but please don't deprive your child of normal childhood experiences like birthday parties because of your issues. The host is definitely thinking you'll be expecting your 2 year old to join in and I can't see them napping through a 5 year old's party!

Check with the host parent about the activities and adult supervision at the party. It's likely she won't be hosting solo, there will be other adults about, and parties at that age only last a couple of hours or so. Usually the kids will be contained in one room in the house to play games and have birthday tea, not left to free roam the house and garden.

MouseMama · 20/03/2026 03:07

Most parents stay at parties at that age but generally home based parties can’t accommodate siblings. And it does sound like you expected the two year old to join in (tbh it can be quite hard stopping a toddler from joining in if they want to!). If you want to drop and go, is there another parent you know better you can ask to keep an eye on your child? I never ask the host because they are always frazzled and have a million things to do.

Even aside from the child protection and the behaviour angles, it helps to have a designated responsible parent in case of any upsets. I recently helped clean a child up who dropped a cup of juice over her dress at a party. She was wet and upset and her parent wasn’t there. It’s better to have a designated person who the child somewhat knows.

Eenameenadeeka · 20/03/2026 03:08

I don't think you're unreasonable for wanting to stay with him at 5, but it was rude to just say you were bringing a 2 year old, and not ask if it would be okay. Plus, while you might not expect them to include your 2 year old, most people would feel pretty awkward leaving a child out at a party. Is there anyone at all you know who is staying, that can keep an eye?

Hohumitsreallyallthereis · 20/03/2026 03:10

I would have thought your rsvp very cheeky! You get an invite for one family member and respond back for three!

Drop off parties for 5 year olds are the norm.

Canitgetbetter · 20/03/2026 04:01

I have similar struggles to trust OP and I understand it's not easy.

I think I would sit this one out, saying you totally understand and sorry you assumed it would be ok, but as logistics are a bit tricky while dad is away DC can't make it. If it's a school friend, maybe you need more time to get to know this family and that's ok. It's not that you ate depriving your child of ordinary experiences - they still go to parties when you can be there.

5 is still small. Keep working on your issues but I don't think the goal of that is indiscriminate trust. Sitting out one party for now isn't the end of the world. IMO.

Cnidarian · 20/03/2026 04:06

I agree that I wouldn't drop off at 5. But you always ASK to bring a sibling and make it clear it's absolutely fine if not.

Fortheloveofpizza · 20/03/2026 04:11

It was rude if you to tell someone an extra child was attending without checking it was okay. Either leave your 5 year old or don’t go

lxn889121 · 20/03/2026 04:23

My son is around that age, and I'm so happy that him and his classmates are now at (or getting to, for some) the age where they don't need their parents at every playdate and party... Most of us don't have huge homes, and trying to organize a birthday or halloween party is a pain when you want to invite 5-10 kids... but that means 5-20 parents + others (sometimes both want to come.. sometimes siblings)

5-10 kids and a few adults fits well, isn't too much catering, not too crowded.. but double that, and double with adults and siblings, and parties become unrasonable, unless you have a big house and a big food budget...

So I think their justification is perfectly fine...

However, so is your choice to not attend. Not all 5 year olds are ready to be left alone, and not all situations are safe... so you are perfectly within your right to decline.

RoyalPenguin · 20/03/2026 04:29

In my experience, it was around this age that parents started to drop their children and leave, so I doubt you'll be the only one dropping off. Don't worry OP, he will have a lovely time.

DarkForces · 20/03/2026 04:31

Jk987 · 20/03/2026 02:44

The host definitely thinks you’re expecting her to cater for and include the toddler in the celebrations.

I agree. Nothing in your message suggested that you weren't expecting your toddler to be part of the party and honestly how were you planning to avoid it? If she's awake she'll want to join in and so as host you know that the toddler will throw a tantrum and you'll end up either catering to them or be the bad guy. You put her in an awkward position tbh

firstofallimadelight · 20/03/2026 04:38

I know it wasn’t intentional but it’s a little rude to assume you can bring a sibling. Different at a soft play/park (assuming you pay separately and keep your child away from the party) but at someone’s house, at a activity or in a hall they may be limited on numbers or just may not want extra /younger children involved. If you don’t have childcare you need to drop off or decline.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 20/03/2026 04:39

It's a party at the child's home for a couple hours. I think you can relax and drop your dc off.

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