AIBU to want to stay with my child at a birthday party?

[ThatWorthyMoose]

Hi MN,

My eldest (almost 5) has been invited to a 5th birthday party at a friends home in the upcoming weeks. My husband will be away for work, so I will have almost 5 year old and almost 2 year old with no other option for child care
I messaged the mum of the birthday-boy and said “we would love to be there! Our little boy can’t wait. As dad is away, I’ll have toddler in tow :)”
Mum replied “oh, due to numbers we can’t add an extra, but your child is welcome to stay and you can collect him after”.
i completely appreciate for catering/activities or whatever they have planned birthday-boy has probably chosen the few friends he would like to be there… but I wasn’t really expecting almost 2 year old to participate (it’s during regular nap window so she’ll probably be asleep in the pram for the duration anyway).
How should I respond? I don’t really feel comfortable leaving our little boy there alone as I have only met the school mums socially at school and wouldn’t want to lump the responsibility on anyone else

*I will add I worked in child protection as a graduate about 15 years ago and am probably hyper sensitive in most situations

@BookArt55 I’m afraid you are not really being rational. Not allowing dc to experience a party on his own at 7 is not rational. It’s obviously all about your fears but most of us really don’t do this and at parties, amongst school friends, dc are safe. What else is he unable to access on his own? Sounds very limiting to me.

Most parents stay at parties at this age but it surprised me because when I was a kid I don’t remember my parents ever sticking around at a party! I HATE kids birthday parties and even RSVP no sometimes as a result because it’s not how I want to spend my weekends, it’s just a nightmare. The ones in softplay aren’t so bad but these have died down in recent years and it tends to be community centre ones like the 90s with entertainment and the parents standing around gassing. Not my scene 😂.

There is not one parent in my son's class who leaves their child alone at a party.
You do your way, I will do mine. And seeing as my son's father is not a safe person (and the other parent's have never been aware of it, and still aren't) shows that they have their own boundaries that haven't been impacted by my experience.
My son isn't limited in any way, he's independent, confident and knows I'm there when/if he needs me. But at 7 he doesn't need to be responsible for his own safety and to judge who is safe, that is an adult's job. It also does depend on the child, so it is a parent's job to make that decision based on their child and not just because of what everyone else is doing.

@BookArt55Why would he need to be responsible for his safety at a party with other dc he knows and presumably parents you know? That’s really taking it too far and I’ve never taken dc to a party at age 7 where all parents stay based on safety grounds. The parents had our phone number. My dc went on residential trips from age 6. However in terms of parties you and your friends seem very over cautious and my dc didn’t need to know where I was at all times when in the care of others. I think having that amount of distrust is not healthy.

I find it hard to understand why my parenting, and 31 other sets of parents and their choices for their child, bothers you so much? I have my opinion, and it won't change, only I know when my child is ready.
If it works for you, then fine, go for it. It doesn't work for us.
A residential with teachers and teaching assistants who have a DBS and a relationship with my child is very different from a parent they see occasionally for a minute at school pick up. That is my choice.
Why does this bother you so much? I'm not telling you how to parent your child. Surprisingly, people can parent differently and i can accept your parenting choices without having to agree with it.

I have my opinion and that won’t change either. You are the outlier though. As most people seem to think dc need to learn away from the anxiety of parents.

Oh dear, Your little boy won’t goto many party’s if you invite yourself and two year old along.
🙄

Do you think supervising one child is the same as supervising 6? And the issue here is exactly that we don't know what adults.

Leaving aside any of the different choices people make for their kids, I’m guessing if the OP had said ‘I am not ready to leave my child at a party without me’ the mum would have understood and the OP could come supervise. It’s an entirely different situation to bring a toddler to a 5 year old’s party. There’s no way anyone should be judged for saying no thanks to that.

Safety in numbers . If there's 6 plus kids in a room with a couple of adults where's the actual ( not imagined danger)