DP says I'd look younger with hair and make-up, AIBU?

[CurlingChamp]

I’ve been out this evening and was chatting to two much older men (70s/80s) that I’ve known for some time. My age was mentioned along the lines of “well you’re younger than my youngest son, and he’s 44. You’re about 42 aren’t you?”

As a soon to be 48 year old who runs on 4 hours sleep with 2 young children and a full-on job, I was pleased with the compliment…

…until I told my DP, who thought about it and said “just imagine if you did your hair and make-up, you’d look maybe 37”.

How would take that comment from your DP?

Badly

Thank you, I thought it might just be me.

Id take it as a bad joke that he didn't think through before he said it.

I'd wonder if he was a bit miffed that these older guys had been talking to you and complimenting you and so he felt the need to bring you down a peg by saying something unpleasant.

Some people don't get it.

His nose would be attached to my fist! Lighthearted, I don't condone violence. But what a flipping cheek!

This

Alternative view - he appreciates that curation is an art form and that 'glowing up' can transform a woman.

The idea that curated women roll out of bed looking that way sets an impossibly high standard and increasingly overwhelming societal pressure on us to conform to.

I would have perhaps suggested that you could look 27 with 4 hours more sleep every night - and that you'll be reassigning the household chores to facilitate.

I dont comment to husband if I have specific ways I need him to reply

You very well may look younger.... but so would he with more hair and less paunch. Seeing as how we are offering unsolicited advice.

If you had a husband who loved and respected you enough to ensure you got a full night’s sleep you’d probably still look 25.

Just saying …

And if he did his hair and makeup so would he!!

Well in fairness most people look better (if not necessarily younger) when they do their hair and stick a bit of slap on. Whether that’s something you aspire to is up to you I guess. But he isn’t wrong. He might be wrong to want you to look like that, but factually he’s probably correct.

@CurlingChamp
Did he frame it as something he would like you to do, or as a statement of fact?
I don’t wear makeup and I have a hairstyle that I like, but isn’t one that makes me look “younger than my age”.
If I chose to I could modify my clothes, face and hair to appear younger.
I know that, as does my husband. I suspect the problem is that you feel that he would like a wife who chooses to do those things, ie a person who has different ideas and priorities.

"But darling if I did my hair and wore make up it would make me look like a gold digger next to you".

"Hair and makeup take 2 hours, why don't you take the children out for 2 hours every day?"

What was he supposed to say?! How about nothing? She wasn't asking him whether she'd look younger if she did her hair and makeup, she was just relaying a conversation. He had loads of choices of reply that didn't include that.

Of course we all age and if we ask a question about that, there's nothing wrong with honesty but I don't go around randomly telling my husband he'd look younger if he did x or y thing. Given that I love him, I don't really have any desire to make him feel like crap?

I think I’m just annoyed that he took a genuine comment and turned it into something else I’m expected to do.

There’s a lot of things I don’t say because of this, but then you end up saying nothing. Sometimes you forget yourself and just tell the person next to you without thinking it over and over.

I’m struggling with this - most people look better with their hair and makeup done. I rarely wear a full face of makeup but my hair is always styled and basic face done. I confess that I don’t understand why people don’t make an effort to look somewhat put together.

Why are you expected to do it?

Unless he's previously made comments I'd take it as a joke. Then I'm comfortable in my lack of hair and make up and so is my DH.

Why should they? I wash my face and brush my hair. Why should I spent time and money on make up I don't want to wear.

@Happytaytos whatever makes you happy, but as I said I don’t understand why people don’t make an effort. I’ve yet to meet a woman who doesn’t look better with a swipe of mascara and lip balm. I’m not talking about an inch of foundation and false lashes but I don’t understand why anyone wouldn’t want to look their best.

My hair takes 10 minutes and my face about 3. I work full time, have 2 children and I wouldn’t let them out of the house looking scruffy.

If my DH said it it would be a joke and I'd laugh. But not being there to hear the tone and not knowing you or him means none of us can comment on what it meant from him specifically.

Meanwhile I just don't care. Who am I looking better for? I don't see myself 🤣

My kids aren't scruffy, not sure where you get that link from! I'm not scruffy either, just don't feel the need to wear make up daily.