DP says I'd look younger with hair and make-up, AIBU?

[CurlingChamp]

I’ve been out this evening and was chatting to two much older men (70s/80s) that I’ve known for some time. My age was mentioned along the lines of “well you’re younger than my youngest son, and he’s 44. You’re about 42 aren’t you?”

As a soon to be 48 year old who runs on 4 hours sleep with 2 young children and a full-on job, I was pleased with the compliment…

…until I told my DP, who thought about it and said “just imagine if you did your hair and make-up, you’d look maybe 37”.

How would take that comment from your DP?

this and the sooner the better! And raise your children to ignore this nonsense as well!

In what way is not wearing makeup "masculine"?
What a weird way to think

Oh there's no doubt about it. Past a "certain age" makeup can be quite ageing. I look less "pretty"* without it but perversely a lot younger.

*according to society's standards.

See comments like this are being deliberately goady. You might find it freeing to go without makeup but not everyone does. I grew up in a very strict religious household where makeup was pretty much banned so I find it liberating to wear makeup. Each to their own.

I’ll never understand the militant anti-make mindset, just do whatever you want to do and stop judging other women.

Choosing not to wear makeup does not make you morally superior, or a better feminist, or whatever.

I love the stuff, wear it every day, don’t give a flying fuck what anyone else does

Fabulous. Nobody on the thread fits any of your description.

Nobody has been anti make-up at all let alone virulently. The only anti is against the unpleasant viewpoint put across that not wearing any is failing to present yourself in your best way and that anyone's bare face looks unprofessional or unattractive as a dinner companion.

I think you might need to re read the thread! There are plenty of anti makeup commenters on here accusing women of being ‘hostages to the world’s expectations’ and telling us our children need to ‘ignore this nonsense’. I’m happy to accept not all women want to wear makeup but there’s no need to judge those that do.

"I don't understand the anti makeup brigade. What exactly is wrong with makeup. Is it because some women believe we should be ditching everything classified as overly feminine. A belief we should adopt a more masculine appearance in order to appear more powerful & give men the impression we don't care about looks. 🤔"

definitely weird. I don't think that anyone on here has said they are anti makeup, just that they choose not to use it for many reasons.

it was me who said ignore this nonsense by which I meant that it is seen as an expectation rather than a choice. I have also said that people should of course do whatever they chose with their own bodies.

There's no anti make up comments. There's anti the "fact" that women should all wear it. No we shouldn't!!

I would love to wear a face of makeup and neat stylish hair everyday but I just can’t be bothered.
Clean face, clean hands, hair brushed. Job done.
Hopefully one day I will feel inspired to give a shit.

Make up can be great, fun, useful, etc but let’s also admit that we’re socially conditioned to think women look better with it on, while also to think that it doesn’t suit men. That’s only because we’re not used to seeing men in make up, any more than we think men look great in tights and high heels to show off their shapely legs. Makeup (and hair) is an expectation on women that men don’t have, and we should admit that’s the case and that women may face prejudice or discrimination if they attend a work meeting without makeup or with a shirt that’s a bit snug. Brian from accounts is never told to smarten up and put some corrective foundation on his face and lose a few pounds if he wants to be taken seriously at work.

Disclaimer: sometimes I wear makeup and sometimes I don’t. I don’t even own an iron, let alone use one (although I can).

@godmum56of course I comb my eyebrows, with a special little eyebrow comb. They’re lovely eyebrows too. Very fond of them.

DS, without gel, has fluffy hair. At 11 years old, he gels his hair himself. He also wears contact lenses because he doesn’t like his glasses. The contacts came about as he plays rugby. He cares about how he looks and presents, and I’m very pleased.

He is heading for grammar school, and trust me - appearances are important.

Dare I tell you that my DD age 4 has her own perfume? She has a strong preference for Dior, but sometimes likes her Sol de Janeiro body spray.

Some very, very peculiar people on this thread. And probably many with very few friends.

Some very, very peculiar people on this thread. And probably many with very few friends.
Which ones are those? Are you now not only equating not wearing make-up with not caring about your appearance but also with not having friends?

I'm not the one judging women as lacking in effort and failing to present themselves well because they don't know eyebrow combs exist.

This is very weird. Perfume on a small child? People who don’t wear make up don’t have friends? (Again is that all people who don’t wear makeup? Or just the female ones?)

Men have to shave. Most women/employers don't like the Castaway look.

I honestly would not have the energy to be offended by this comment. I know full well I look better and brighter and fresher with hair and make up done...,that's why I do it.
as long as he doesn't expect it for his viewing pleasure and understands I scrub up for myself and not to impress him or other men.

And yet many professional men have facial hair.
Your argument is quite the opposite though.
Woman - bare face ❌
Man - bare face ✔️

it’s almost like it’s arbitrary nonsense.

Better? Fresher?
Do you mean younger?
We don’t all aspire to that - and in my opinion make up doesn’t deliver it anyway.

no! because that never happens on MN

Wow, you're really trying aren't you. 🤣

Men have something called facial hair. If they don't shave it every day it grows long really quickly in a way ours doesn't. So a clean face for a man is the opposite of a clean face for a woman - it's an unnatural state and one that no caveman would've been sporting.

Nobody is forcing you to wear makeup. Feel free to wear a cloth sack and grow your armpit hair till you can braid it with your pubes. It won't change the fact that both sexes are subject to beauty standards. It's just another of many areas that women love to moan about but men just accept.

It used to be common for companies to have 'no stubble' rules in their dress code, meaning that if men wanted to have a beard they'd have to book time off and grow it past the scruffy stage (or do it over xmas). But more importantly it also meant that declining to shave daily meant you could face disciplinary action which I've never seen to be the case with makeup. Even now it'd be frowned upon to turn up to an interview or an important client meeting looking unshaven.

Im not saying you have to but from my own experience I look slightly younger when my roots are done and colour is fresh.
Face wise im not a fan of make up unless I am going out but I do look both younger and healthier with bronzer, lip balm, mascara and eyebrows done (takes me 3 minutes) as otherwise I look deathly and grey.

Nobody is forcing you to wear makeup. Feel free to wear a cloth sack and grow your armpit hair till you can braid it with your pubes
There we go again @MaIeficent. Equating no make up with weirdness/not looking tidy.
Re men’s facial hair - Ypur post’s most important phrase is ‘used to’. We’ve moved on.

And for all the talk of 'societal expectations', the ideal male body is much harder to obtain than the ideal female body.

Most female celebrities regarded as beautiful are just attractive and slim. Most male hearthrobs have a six pack and muscular physique - Channing Tatum, Jason Momoa, etc. Those who don't lift weights don't understand how hard it is to obtain significant muscle mass whilst remaining at a low bodyfat percentage. It's contrary to how the human body functions. That's why a lot of celebrities do short steroid cycles to bulk up for roles.

Under the care of an expert it's not particularly risky for short periods. They'll check your hemocrit, E2, FSH, LDL, blood pressure, etc. However, for the average guy it's a minefield. My partner is on testosterone injections for a genuine condition and his doc says that a lot of the guys he sees are men who destroyed their endocrine systems by taking steroids in their youth. They're now on a lifelong hormonal rollercoaster. Some have severe gynomastia (man boobs) and serious depression as a result of low test/high e2. Usually they need surgery to sort it out as the manboobs aren't just from carrying excess weight.

The BBC did a documentary on muscle dysmorphia in men (colloquially known as 'bigorexia') and concluded that one in ten male gymgoers have it. The issue is that a gym obsession is usually viewed as a fitness/health obsession rather than being akin to an eating disorder so it goes under the radar. But the mechanism is similar. They have a warped self image where they see themselves as small and 'weak' and they end up taking loads of steroids etc for which the damage is less apparent but nonetheless real.

Some of these guys have been diagnosed with heart conditions and told they'll die if they don't stop, and have just chosen to continue as they'd rather die than feel pathetic. There was a guy in his 20s fairly recently who had the same situation. Think it may have been a congenital heart defect, but either way he just carried on until his heart failed and he died.

And if I don’t care if I look younger? I mean, why should one?