DP says I'd look younger with hair and make-up, AIBU?

[CurlingChamp]

I’ve been out this evening and was chatting to two much older men (70s/80s) that I’ve known for some time. My age was mentioned along the lines of “well you’re younger than my youngest son, and he’s 44. You’re about 42 aren’t you?”

As a soon to be 48 year old who runs on 4 hours sleep with 2 young children and a full-on job, I was pleased with the compliment…

…until I told my DP, who thought about it and said “just imagine if you did your hair and make-up, you’d look maybe 37”.

How would take that comment from your DP?

Because not wearing make-up doesn't equate to scruffy in my world. I would look a bit different if I put on mascara and lip balm but not better. Just a different look.

But I would also feel uncomfortable which would probably show through too and have a negative effect.

I say stuff to my husband all the time i just expect to reply the way he wants too not the way I set up for him

Same way I wouldn't ask if I looked good in something if I didn't want honesty I dont do mind games

If I ask a question of anyone I always want the truth or even just normal comments

You were chuffed that someone thought you looked younger, so he said you would look younger with make up.

Its just a fact. Not sure why you think he expects you to wear make up or look younger.

My husband has a beard, when he shaves it he looks younger, and I have made that observation to him. I doesn't mean I want him to shave and look younger all the time, its just a fact. I think your reading too much into it.

I'm afraid the idea that women require make up to look 'better' and 'more put together' is a lie you've been told. We don't need it any more than men do. We may WANT to wear it and prefer that look for ourselves and that's obviously fine. But we certainly shouldn't be made to think we NEED to paint a new face over our existing one.

Same with hair. I assume the op washes and brushes it. She doesn't need to spend hours styling it unless that is her personal preference

Do men have to wear make-up? No! So why on earth should i

Do you think he's expecting that of you? Are there other comments about it, that he thinks you should wear makeup and do your hair??
I know my husband doesn't care if I wear makeup so I know if he made that comment it would be a bad joke -only you know your husband to know if it was a silly joke or an expectation.

I’d probably laugh because my case it’d be true.

It wouldn’t bother me as it’s no secret that I do look better (not sure about younger) when I do my hair and makeup. But it does depend on your relationship with your husband, if he’s generally warm and kind of if he likes throwing little sarcastic comment around

My husband doesn’t make comments like that, but I wouldn’t be bothered if he did.

I think the key point you’ve missed here is that you care and they don’t.

I wear make up for work and if I’m going somewhere nice not for work, but day to day I don’t. I know I look better and more put together when I do but I’m not bothered about looking better or more put together on those occasions. I also think (for me) there’s a value in being comfortable enough to go out without make up and it helps me not get too invested in how I look. I think that’s important as we get older.

I agree - I’d be fine with it because I wouldn’t for a second think it was coming from a bad place. If you’re husband is a snarky twat OP, then I can see how this might rile you

Some people's self worth isn't connected to whether they have mascara on.

Single mum with cancer here. Because I’m tired and busy and have other priorities.

I don’t think I’d mind as it’s probably true (unless I had done my hair and make up)

You haven’t met me then 😂. I’ve never worn a scrap of makeup in my life, and shock horror, not even on my wedding day. I’m comfortable in my skin. I can assure I’m not scruffy and my children never went out scruffy either.

My hair takes 10 minutes and my face about 3. I work full time, have 2 children and I wouldn’t let them out of the house looking scruffy.

Do you force your children to wear make up?

Same reason men don't have "a basic face done".

This

(humour 👉) "That's nice dear" - maybe the 1970s sitcom non-committal response would have been appropriate.

I hope you recover soon c

If your DH were a woman, people would be calling him a bitch.

As my old Mum would say: “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all”

It's factually true, so I wouldn't care. I can't see myself being offended. If you'd replied that if he dyed his hair, used moisturiser and so on, he'd look younger too, he'd probably just agree! Because it's true. Doesn't mean either of you have to do it.

Maybe that's how your DH feels?
Personally I'd take it as a further compliment. He agreed that you look good for your age and, if you could be bothered with the hair and make up, you could look even better. Do you disagree?

I'd tell him to fuck right off