DP says I'd look younger with hair and make-up, AIBU?

[CurlingChamp]

I’ve been out this evening and was chatting to two much older men (70s/80s) that I’ve known for some time. My age was mentioned along the lines of “well you’re younger than my youngest son, and he’s 44. You’re about 42 aren’t you?”

As a soon to be 48 year old who runs on 4 hours sleep with 2 young children and a full-on job, I was pleased with the compliment…

…until I told my DP, who thought about it and said “just imagine if you did your hair and make-up, you’d look maybe 37”.

How would take that comment from your DP?

You don’t need makeup to look put together.

I don't bother because I couldn't give a rats arse. My husband adores me.

Demand he pays for doing your hair and make up going forward or he apologises.

Most people would benefit hugely from fluency in a second language. I despair at the ignorant, ill-educated insularity of most Brits, displayed daily. Twenty minutes learning a day would grow brain cells, broaden horizons and change lives.

But I manage not to look down on people or issue put-downs, because everyone is normal for them, people have different priorities and I’m not an utter dick.

OP he’s negging you.

You know your dp. If he has form for this it’s probably a deliberate attempt to bring you down after someone complimented you. If it’s out of character I’d let him off.

I feel like this will sound arsey, but I really mean it genuinely! Why do you feel people should look somewhat put together? And why does a woman's version of that include make up but not a mans?

If mine said that I'd be shocked. He's very much a I love you as you are person. Thinks make up is completely unnecessary. If mine made a comment like that it would definitely be negging because he was feeling insecure. If this is out of character for your dp try to find out what's behind it.

Ignore him.

By the way, one thing for sure, if these chaps think you look younger, they won't be the only ones!

Your partner is right.
Hair and make-up done right always make you look better.
I do my face every morning, even if I'm not going out, and it takes two minutes.
I keep my hair styled and get it cut every four weeks.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I'd tell him if he'd get more sex if he was nicer to his wife.

Do you face if you're not leaving the house? You need to get a job or a hobby.

This is a great example of how these societal expectations are harmful to women. If a woman feels she must spend 15 minutes per day doing hair and makeup, that’s 91 hours a year.

Think of all the beneficial activities that could be done instead with those 91 hours - learning new skills, reading books, improving fitness, even just resting would be more beneficial to health.

Men have no societal pressure to to apply harmful chemicals & heat to their hair, or to smear various creams and powders across their face. They get to use that time for self improvement or leisure with no repercussions. Nobody is telling them they would look so much more “put together” if only they would waste their time swiping black gunk on and off their eyelashes every single day of their lives.

First of all, when someone is a lot older than you, they can get age brackets wrong, so I wouldn’t necessarily take the old fellas comments as a compliment.

Secondly, your DH is probably right, as well you know.

Do you not do your hair and make-up, if not why not? Did you used to when you first met?

Honestly, it seems to me that he didn't like that you felt good about yourself after a compliment and so reflexively issued a veiled insult to take you down a peg or two.

Question is, why would someone who is to love you want you to feel bad about yourself?

I’d genuinely like to be more like this. Apart from doing make up when not going out. I don’t think anyone should have to but I enjoy the times I do manage to be put together.

As it stands if I’m clean and manage to brush my teeth properly we’re doing well. Some days are better than others. It isn’t as simple as ‘it only takes two minutes’ unfortunately, I wish it was. It’s not about time management, I have time.

I bet you don’t struggle with men who don’t do this though.

You say ‘people’ but in reality the expectation is very much that it’s women who will put in the time, money and effort to look younger or better.

What a nob! Unless you’re a cougar and he’s an adonis I’d be telling him to do one and highlighting one of his areas of sensitivity….. thinning hair, paunch, growing ears , toxic personality! There’s a famous quote that my meno brain can’t remember exactly, but in your scenario it’s a long the lines of ‘ I can put make up on and my hair up and look younger but you will always be ugly’( inside or out!)

You dont have to do it but objectively he is probably right! I would either make more effort with my appearance and respect my husbands opinion or call him a c*ck and we would move on

I do my face every morning, even if I'm not going out, and it takes two minutes.
I like my face. It doesn't need anything doing to it.

I get that some women enjoy the ritual of skincare and make-up and it comes under the heading of not for me but whatever floats your boat. But anyone who feels they need to do their face up to look acceptable or polished or any other way of expressing it I find both infuriating and saddening.

Do you mean “women” when you say people? Or does your partner/dad/son/brother have his hair done and wear make up?

🙄🙄

This

“I would have perhaps suggested that you could look 27 with 4 hours more sleep every night - and that you'll be reassigning the household chores to facilitate.”

love this!!

People or women though?

Why don’t men need it to look “fresher”?