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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU not wanting to use annual leave for stepdaughter’s childcare cover?

285 replies

crazycatladyof6 · 18/03/2026 19:20

Hello everyone, I just want to know if I’m being unreasonable. There’s a part of me thinks I am so wanted to know what others think. My husband and I have a granddaughter who we absolutely adore. We both work full-time and my husband actually doesn’t get much annual leave at all. It’s a bit of a problem. My stepdaughter works part-time 24 hours a week and our granddaughter goes to nursery on the days when her mum is at work and her other Nan who is very local collects her until Mum is home. She also takes her to nursery school in the morning. Unfortunately, my stepdaughter‘s mum needs to have some treatment and my stepdaughter has asked if we will have our granddaughter so she can go to work. This will mean that we will have to take annual leave to be able to have our granddaughter. One of the days I actually can’t do anyway because I’m already on annual leave for something that’s been booked for about eight months and then the other day I’m at work as is my husband and I’ve actually run out of annual leave at present. it does reset in April so I could take an annual leave day and this is where I need to ask AIBU to not want to take an annual leave day so my stepdaughter can go to work when it’s also my working day?

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 18/03/2026 19:21

Of course YANBU. Stepdaughter will have to take the time off work and use her own annual leave.

crazycatladyof6 · 18/03/2026 19:23

pinkyredrose · 18/03/2026 19:21

Of course YANBU. Stepdaughter will have to take the time off work and use her own annual leave.

If it was a weekend we’d happily have her, of course but it’s a working day. I always feel so blooming guilty

OP posts:
KatieKat88 · 18/03/2026 19:23

Is there a reason why SD can't get annual leave herself (e.g. teacher, or a nurse when rotas have already been decided and can't get anyone to swap?) Or the child's father?

Justmuddlingalong · 18/03/2026 19:24

Can SD not use her annual leave?

Overthebow · 18/03/2026 19:25

Can’t she use her own leave?

Itsmetheflamingo · 18/03/2026 19:25

you don’t want to take ONE DAY annual leave to help your SD? Did I read that right?!

crazycatladyof6 · 18/03/2026 19:25

KatieKat88 · 18/03/2026 19:23

Is there a reason why SD can't get annual leave herself (e.g. teacher, or a nurse when rotas have already been decided and can't get anyone to swap?) Or the child's father?

She does have rotas but is equally happy to call in sick if it doesn’t suit. Father not in the picture

OP posts:
PixelDustMom · 18/03/2026 19:26

Why can’t your stepdaughter take annual leave? If it’s April then surely she will have holidays to use, no?

Dobequiet · 18/03/2026 19:26

Not unreasonable to say that you can’t for any reason.

I have used leave to look after dgc but had plenty of leave and really enjoy having them.

Newyearawaits · 18/03/2026 19:27

crazycatladyof6 · 18/03/2026 19:23

If it was a weekend we’d happily have her, of course but it’s a working day. I always feel so blooming guilty

Would you feel the same if she was your daughter and not your SD?

ForAmusedHazelQuoter · 18/03/2026 19:27

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Gall10 · 18/03/2026 19:28

Itsmetheflamingo · 18/03/2026 19:25

you don’t want to take ONE DAY annual leave to help your SD? Did I read that right?!

Yes, you read it correctly. What’s your problem?

sqwer · 18/03/2026 19:28

What about the child’s father?
I would not even consider taking a/l to help unless every other option (including unpaid leave for a parent) had been excluded.

crazycatladyof6 · 18/03/2026 19:28

We absolutely love having her and see her regularly at weekends and also take her away a couple of times a year for a long weekend (Fri-mon) or a midweek break so of course already using annual leave for that. My husband only gets 25 holiday days a year and no bank hols other than Christmas

OP posts:
ClaredeBear · 18/03/2026 19:29

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable but it sounds like you’d be helping out if you did take just one day out.

starballoons · 18/03/2026 19:30

I’m not going to say you’re unreasonable but if she’s asking for one day then I would do everything possible to help her out.

outerspacepotato · 18/03/2026 19:31

Why isn't your stepdaughter taking annual leave? She's already part time, has she asked to switch her schedule?

No, it's an unreasonable request. You're working. That's your livelihood.

AuntyBulgaria · 18/03/2026 19:31

Why should you have to take a days leave when your step daughter could. You are not being unreasonable.

Blondeshavemorefun · 18/03/2026 19:31

If your dh is working full time then should get 28 days pro rota - so why isn’t he

yes it’s a little insane that you have to take a days holiday to cover childcare when the mum can take a days holiday

tho how many days are we talking about ?

crazycatladyof6 · 18/03/2026 19:31

Newyearawaits · 18/03/2026 19:27

Would you feel the same if she was your daughter and not your SD?

Absolutely, that doesn’t change anything at all. I have a good relationship with my stepdaughter and her and my stepson have been in my life since they were 2 and 3 years of age. I absolutely adore our granddaughter and her me. I couldn’t love them anymore than my own children

OP posts:
Itsmetheflamingo · 18/03/2026 19:32

Gall10 · 18/03/2026 19:28

Yes, you read it correctly. What’s your problem?

Because clearly, it’s written as though she’s asking for multiple days. One days Al is nothing as a one off. Why wouldn’t you help out?

Calendulaaria · 18/03/2026 19:32

Why doesn't your husband take a day of annual leave and have your granddaughter on his own?

crazycatladyof6 · 18/03/2026 19:33

Blondeshavemorefun · 18/03/2026 19:31

If your dh is working full time then should get 28 days pro rota - so why isn’t he

yes it’s a little insane that you have to take a days holiday to cover childcare when the mum can take a days holiday

tho how many days are we talking about ?

This isa good question! He works for an international company and they say they don’t recognise all holidays so although he gets Christmas he doesn’t get Easter or May or August bank holidays. I think it’s an absolute cop out

OP posts:
ForAmusedHazelQuoter · 18/03/2026 19:34

crazycatladyof6 · 18/03/2026 19:33

This isa good question! He works for an international company and they say they don’t recognise all holidays so although he gets Christmas he doesn’t get Easter or May or August bank holidays. I think it’s an absolute cop out

25 days plus Christmas Day, Boxing Day and New Year’s Day equals the legal amount.

crazycatladyof6 · 18/03/2026 19:34

Itsmetheflamingo · 18/03/2026 19:32

Because clearly, it’s written as though she’s asking for multiple days. One days Al is nothing as a one off. Why wouldn’t you help out?

She has asked for multiple days - I can’t do one of them anyway as I already have leave. My husband doesn’t get much leave and we have a holiday booked in this holiday year which means he would barely have anything left

OP posts: