AIBU not wanting to use annual leave for stepdaughter’s childcare cover?

[crazycatladyof6]

Hello everyone, I just want to know if I’m being unreasonable. There’s a part of me thinks I am so wanted to know what others think. My husband and I have a granddaughter who we absolutely adore. We both work full-time and my husband actually doesn’t get much annual leave at all. It’s a bit of a problem. My stepdaughter works part-time 24 hours a week and our granddaughter goes to nursery on the days when her mum is at work and her other Nan who is very local collects her until Mum is home. She also takes her to nursery school in the morning. Unfortunately, my stepdaughter‘s mum needs to have some treatment and my stepdaughter has asked if we will have our granddaughter so she can go to work. This will mean that we will have to take annual leave to be able to have our granddaughter. One of the days I actually can’t do anyway because I’m already on annual leave for something that’s been booked for about eight months and then the other day I’m at work as is my husband and I’ve actually run out of annual leave at present. it does reset in April so I could take an annual leave day and this is where I need to ask AIBU to not want to take an annual leave day so my stepdaughter can go to work when it’s also my working day?

It’s only one day.

Tell the child's mother that then. It's only one day, she can take it off and look after her own child.

Exactly, no reason the mother can’t take it off. It’s her child.

We actually gave up 8 days annual leave last year to do things with DGD. Absolutely happy with that and was our choice - we wanted to. We are being told we don’t do enough and we absolutely should be booking annual leave so she ca go to work

This is actually insane. I don't know if I've got it right but it sounds like DSD works 24 hours a week over 2 days? So she has 5 days a week free (& one of those work free And child free, if DGD is in nursery 3 days a week?) but is cheesed off you won't take a day off AL so she doesn't have to shift swap and can continue to just carry on regardless? Is this right?!

When is the procedure? If more than a couple of days away surely there is high likelihood that someone will swap shifts with her? Or do a playdate swap with a friend? Just got to think outside the box a little when you have little ones!

No good deed and all that.
There's your thanks, abuse.
Step back OP.
You have already done far too much.

Who is telling you that? Your SD or her other nan?

Both of them

Stop being a doormat. She's taking advantage of you and you're using up vacation time to help out someone who works part time and wants more from you.

Time to start saying no. Will she withhold? Probably. But then childcare is hers to deal with, as it should be.

SD only works two days a week while you and your husband work full time and extra hours but you don't raise her child for her enough. . She's an entitled brat and needs to be told to look after her own child or pay for childcare.

@outerspacepotato yes, she’s withholding now ;(

She doesn't sound a very decent person in that case.

Hold tight because in my experience of this happening to a friend of mine, it lasts until they realise they now have to parent their child all the time, or certainly when their usual mug (her mum) can't manage it, and they change their tune. Just wait it out.

I think you’re right and this is exactly what her own mum used to do to us when they were children. It’s so difficult but you’re right, we do need to stand our ground on this

Absolutely.
Don't ever negotiate with terrorists.
Let her parent her child.
Time for you to show her that you will not be used and treated poorly.

@PullTheBricksDown this type are all mouth until they realise they need help.
She has shown how little she thinks of you.
Take note.

Emotional blackmail because she can't get her own way and will have to look after her own child an extra couple of days while her mother can't. Sounds like a gem.

Loving your grandchild doesn't mean you can be treated like this, hell would freeze over before I would do her any favours again.

So now you know she's taking advantage and punishing when you don't jump to her bidding. She's cool with you and your husband losing out annual leave time to watch her kid when she saves hers for herself.

You will get what you tolerate. Weaponizing kids to get childcare is unacceptable behaviour. She withholds, you let her. She's thinking you will give way but this is where you don't or you'll be her doormat forever. Don't feed her drama. When she says you won't be seeing her kid, your answer is ok. If she asks you to do childcare, your answer is no, I have to work. Her childcare, not your problem.

If you don't put yourself first here, no one else will and you'll get no thanks for being a martyr for a spoiled adult woman.

Is there anyone else who can help out?

So then, given what you have recently posted, it is safe to assume the stepdaughter's mother's medical procedure involves having her head removed from her arse.

Haha this really made me laugh!! Thank you, I needed that!!

Yes you do

she will soon rliese quite what you and dh do

how is he taking this ?

He’s upset and struggling. Obviously wants to help his daughter but is being accused of not caring, being a s**t dad. I’m sure lots has been said about me too. He should apparently be speaking to his work about the emergency of the situation so she can go to work. From her and her mum

Op she’s obviously entitled her job is obviously more important than yours and dh and more important than her own dc. She needs to realise shit happens and kids come before work.

op How is she going cope with school holiday 13 weeks.

I did ask her this as DGD is in nursery right now and she said her mum (who works full time) and holiday club