AIBU not wanting to use annual leave for stepdaughter’s childcare cover?

[crazycatladyof6]

Hello everyone, I just want to know if I’m being unreasonable. There’s a part of me thinks I am so wanted to know what others think. My husband and I have a granddaughter who we absolutely adore. We both work full-time and my husband actually doesn’t get much annual leave at all. It’s a bit of a problem. My stepdaughter works part-time 24 hours a week and our granddaughter goes to nursery on the days when her mum is at work and her other Nan who is very local collects her until Mum is home. She also takes her to nursery school in the morning. Unfortunately, my stepdaughter‘s mum needs to have some treatment and my stepdaughter has asked if we will have our granddaughter so she can go to work. This will mean that we will have to take annual leave to be able to have our granddaughter. One of the days I actually can’t do anyway because I’m already on annual leave for something that’s been booked for about eight months and then the other day I’m at work as is my husband and I’ve actually run out of annual leave at present. it does reset in April so I could take an annual leave day and this is where I need to ask AIBU to not want to take an annual leave day so my stepdaughter can go to work when it’s also my working day?

If the child is under 5, I think she can request parental leave. It's not paid but she should be able to take time off to care for her child. There are certain rules about it but no idea what they are.

Of course she has. Her AL is for holidays, yours is for helping her out. CF.

Of course YANBU. Stepdaughter should use her own leave, in fact she’s a CF even asking you. Obviously if you didn’t work then you should (and I’m sure you would) be happy to help, but no way should you be expected to use annual leave for this.

If you’ve run out of annual leave that’s the perfect excuse!

Parental leave then. Or swap shifts. Or have an unpaid day off.

She'll be able to request unpaid parental leave

She is entitled to take parental leave but I think you need to give 21 days notice, it can however be declined for up to six months if her employer can prove a business need and it is usually unpaid.

This is not your job to fix though.

For clarity, I get it. I was a single mum myself to three children and I worked full time. Their dad moved abroad when we split so there was no support or practical help there. His parents already lived abroad and my parents worked so I was limited. I totally understand it. I’ll look and see if I can take some hours to help. it does feel a bit irksome now I know she can’t take leave as she has already booked a holiday.

There is no other grandad I’m afraid

Confused
why are you calling your husband’s daughter your step daughter yet I take it the child in question is the stap daughter’s daughter, so not your granddaughter, but your husband’s granddaughter??

Are there any holiday clubs she could go to for the Easter holiday date? They are usually for school age kids but some of them take 4 year olds before they have started school.

No I think she’s being very selfish. She’s clearly wanting to use her annual leave for what she wants to do. Why can’t she get paid childcare?

This

I wouldn't tie yourself in knots, she has options that don't affect you, she needs to use them. You're already feeling resentful and if you do this it could set a precedent.

If only life was just about work.

OP works 13 hours more a week, yes. But I’m going to assume she has her weekends and evenings free to do as she wants with. That she gets full nights sleep most nights, eats what she wants when she wants, has peaceful evenings.

OPs step daughter is a single parent so will be juggling her work along side every thing that goes with caring for a young child.

Look, no one’s making OP help, it’s totally her decision. But families do usually try to help eachother out where they can, especially if some are going through particularly tough times. Being a single parent is bloody hard work, hopefully someone can help in this instance.

You don’t want to take one day for a granddaughter you adore?

If your stepdaughter has worked for her company for over a year, shes entitled to parental leave (usually unpaid!) for up to 18 weeks up until her child is 18 years of age (1 week per year).
She should make the request in writing 21 days in advance.
She is also entitled to emergency (or carer's) leave, should no childcare be available!
I urge her to have a Google and/or look at ACAS website.
Its a statutory right btw.

Its reasonable to tell your DSD im sorry im at work. You arent refusing to help, youre busy.

And while DSD can get emergency parental leave you cant.

It doesn’t sound like she ever asks you to do this, so it doesn’t sound like she planned her leave knowing this will be an issue. I’m going to guess she booked the leave assuming her childcare arrangement with her mum would be continuous.

She’s found herself in a sticky situation and is asking for help. You don’t have to give it but I’m surprised how many excuses you’re giving and how hard you’re finding this. As a single mum yourself, I’m surprised you needed to post this thread, can you not remember what it was like to have to juggling it all on your own?

You haven’t responded about why you’d need to take off full days when you’re only needed for a few hours max.

You clearly don’t want to book annual leave for this, so don’t. There’s no point doing it if you’re going to be resentful about it.

Totally agree. I dont see why Grandparents are obliged to help.

I think its fine for DSD to ask and be hopeful. But id also expect her to be gracious if family advise they have their own work commitments.

Why dig? Not everything has to be equal.
the OP already said she still works and other grandma is collecting and dropping off so it’s not as she’s prioritising her own daughter.

Shouldn't this be the on Dad or actual mum of SD to sort out?

I’m completely stuck at ‘husband doesn’t get much annual leave at all’ so couldn’t possibly, and the later confirmation that actually he of course gets the standard amount of 25 paid days a year. Like everyone else.

while in general of course if someone has to use annual leave it should be the parent, is her job at risk, has she used a lot recently for her kids, is it the busy period… people with young kids are often in busier roles and need the career benefit of performing well than grandparents, I don’t know if any of this applies to you and your dil but it would factor into my view.

again, your husband gets lots of annual leave. Over a month. People who want more than that either can pay for it in a purchase leave scheme if that’s an option or work part time. If I were a grandparent and working I would be very comfortable using some of my 25 paid leave days on emergency childcare, knowing what a difference that makes to busy working parents.

If she can take time off herself I don’t understand why she’s asking? Does she not have any AL left?

Very non committal answer but I don’t think you’d be unreasonable either way.

How much more holiday do you have than your husband that means you’re the “go to” person?

Be honest. Say sorry and that you have no more leave to take.
She just asked. Offer to pay 20 to help towards child care for that day.

Her own mother will need to take the time off or arrange something else.