AIBU not wanting to use annual leave for stepdaughter’s childcare cover?

[crazycatladyof6]

Hello everyone, I just want to know if I’m being unreasonable. There’s a part of me thinks I am so wanted to know what others think. My husband and I have a granddaughter who we absolutely adore. We both work full-time and my husband actually doesn’t get much annual leave at all. It’s a bit of a problem. My stepdaughter works part-time 24 hours a week and our granddaughter goes to nursery on the days when her mum is at work and her other Nan who is very local collects her until Mum is home. She also takes her to nursery school in the morning. Unfortunately, my stepdaughter‘s mum needs to have some treatment and my stepdaughter has asked if we will have our granddaughter so she can go to work. This will mean that we will have to take annual leave to be able to have our granddaughter. One of the days I actually can’t do anyway because I’m already on annual leave for something that’s been booked for about eight months and then the other day I’m at work as is my husband and I’ve actually run out of annual leave at present. it does reset in April so I could take an annual leave day and this is where I need to ask AIBU to not want to take an annual leave day so my stepdaughter can go to work when it’s also my working day?

https://www.gov.uk/parental-leave/entitlement

Your husband should take the day, you said he would have "barely any leave left", so he does have some.

As a single parent I have been really stuck at timesBUT the way I saw it was why should my sisters (no parents) give up a day's leave ,what makes my work more important than theirs?
Would SD not be entitled to some parental leave?

Well tell her to do so if she can.
You could offer 1 days help but she needs to use hers or swap.

I wasn’t there when my stepdaughter was born and therefore she’s my stepdaughter as I came into her life later. I’ve been there through pregnancy and through my whole granddaughters life - she doesn’t know any different and I love her no differently to how I love my other grandchildren, therefore she’s my granddaughter not only my husbands granddaughter

I think its a cop out that dh won't take the time off because he doesn't have many leave days left because what's more important than helping his child?

I would do it in your shoes but I wouldn't look at dh the same way.

Especially as he isn't doing as much for his dgc as his ex and at a worrying time for his own dd i can't imagine anything being more important to me.

I'd do it because 1) I could 2) I like her 3) she's a single mum and her own mum is poorly and it's a worry.

Him being selfish isn't a reason not to be a helpful person. If you want to be.

So then you're the same as your husband - you love her but don't want to help?

Because sometimes (a lot of times ime of being a family) we pit ourselves out for family, even when it isn't convenient.

I'd do it for a friend, never mind my own flesh and blood.or stepfamily.

This

your sisters are living their equally adult lives to you even if childfree. When I’m a grandparent I will remember how our lives at this stage were non stop, juggling work and kids and sports and meetings. Weekends are back to back sports and taxi and coaching and team duties and there is lots of evening housework and admin because there are no other hours in the day; and once I’m a grandparent I expect to have weekends and come home from work if working and not have several solid hours of parenting or childcare committee or footy club meeting and I will want to help my kids if they are in that stage, it’s different for parents.

You’d use your annual leave for a friend? To give childcare? When the parents could use their own annual leave or pay for child care? My annual leave is valuable to me.

If my friend was a single mum and her mum was poorly as per the OPs dsd? Yes. Of course I would. Especially if I had child free days off every week.

You'd take AL from work so a friend didn't have to?

I've already replied to someone else. It's the post 2 above yours x

Especially if you had childfree days? It's not compulsory to have children around you every day you know! It's perfectly fine to use your days off doing things for yourself.

Yes, especially if I had childfree days. I do have childfree days and so yes I know what i would do. You keep asking follow up questions like you think I don't understand. I don't think I've added any new information.

Ok well if you're happy doing that then that's great. Op isn't happy though.

😂exactly! @BarbiesDreamHome no need to be s martyr but I guess given your user name your job is….how can I put this….low pressure? So you obviously don’t value your time off as much as others.

The Catholic church should scour these threads, we're always finding new saints and martyrs 😂

Yep, OP is a normal person, not a doormat, saint or martyr and her SD is taking the absolute piss.

Even having the bloody nerve to ask if your step parent would use up a single day of THEIR precious annual leave so you don't have to use up your own - for your own kid 😆😂Hey please miss out on your day at work so I don't have to!

It's actually funny in the level of cheeky fuckery involved.

OP should tell the SD, politely, to shove off. I can't even believe she's asking the question in this thread, to be honest.

As you definitely can’t do 2 of the days, if it was me I would do the 3rd. It’s only one day, to help a close family member out who hasn’t got any leave left. I know people are saying that she could take parental leave, but that has to be taken as a whole week, and as it is unpaid a part time single parent may well not be able to afford that. Other people saying that she could take emergency leave, well usually that is for very short notice emergencies, as she would have had a fair bit of notice that her mum wouldn’t be available for child care, a lot of companies wouldn’t accept that as a reason

Nope, OP said her cheeky fucker SD has annual leave she can take, she can swap a day or she can have a sick day.

The CF SD just doesn't want to, so obviously the answer is no - and good for OP for seeing that.

25 days + ‘Christmas’ (presumably Christmas Day, Boxing Day and NYD = 28

How many days AL do you get if you think your DH’s 28 (which is typical) is so very poor?

How many days cover does SD need? I think in your position if I had plenty of AL I’d be willing to use up say 1 or 2 days to help out, but only if the others were pulling their finger out too (ie SD taking some unpaid leave, DH taking some AL). It’s a bit much for SD to think all the days should be covered by someone else.

None of the OP or her husband's annual leave should be purloined by the SD.

SD has her own annual leave days, she can use them when someone cannot look after her child.

Taking someone's annual leave day for your own devices when you literally have your own or could do a swap is cheeky fuckery on steroids 😅

Sounds like OP won't be giving up her own annual leave just so her cheeky fucker SD can hang on to her annual leave, thankfully.

OP isn’t obliged to do anything but she says she loves SD like her own child, so it’s possible she may want to help out of kindness.

Taking someone's annual leave day for your own devices when you literally have your own or could do a swap is cheeky fuckery on steroids 😅

This is why I said I would expect SD to pull her finger out and cover most of the days herself, but helping her out with say 1 day out of 4 (or whatever it is) doesn’t seem that wild to me. Lots of GPs take AL to help out with childcare during the school holidays. This isn’t any different.