AIBU not wanting to use annual leave for stepdaughter’s childcare cover?

[crazycatladyof6]

Hello everyone, I just want to know if I’m being unreasonable. There’s a part of me thinks I am so wanted to know what others think. My husband and I have a granddaughter who we absolutely adore. We both work full-time and my husband actually doesn’t get much annual leave at all. It’s a bit of a problem. My stepdaughter works part-time 24 hours a week and our granddaughter goes to nursery on the days when her mum is at work and her other Nan who is very local collects her until Mum is home. She also takes her to nursery school in the morning. Unfortunately, my stepdaughter‘s mum needs to have some treatment and my stepdaughter has asked if we will have our granddaughter so she can go to work. This will mean that we will have to take annual leave to be able to have our granddaughter. One of the days I actually can’t do anyway because I’m already on annual leave for something that’s been booked for about eight months and then the other day I’m at work as is my husband and I’ve actually run out of annual leave at present. it does reset in April so I could take an annual leave day and this is where I need to ask AIBU to not want to take an annual leave day so my stepdaughter can go to work when it’s also my working day?

Well, OP works FT and her stepdaughter doesn't. So I don't see how you've come to the conclusion that stepdaughter has more on her plate....She's got more time than OP!

I think SD should ask to swap her shifts, or ask for dependency leave.

OP, What about SD's other grandad? Can't he do anything? Or is he working and because he's a man she can't possibly ask him?

SD should take leave, why is she expecting you to lose a day of AL? You seem to be implying that she swings a sickie when it suits, can’t she do this for the one required day or better yet, take a carer’s day? I believe we have up to 6 weeks of carer’s leave in my job.

Statutory entitlement to time off for family & dependents is for emergencies only, and specifically not for things you know about in advance (like a planned operation for example). Its also unpaid. There is no limit on amount (don't know where you got that 'pro rata' calculation from) but employers will start asking questions if you have a lot of 'emergencies'.

Parental Leave must be taken in week blocks so won't help for a single day.

Step daughter's employer might offer some additional paid contractual time off for dependent leave but if she is asking for OP's help then she's either used it up or they don't have that as a benefit.

The nursery is closed so it’s all day

I actually find it cheeky that’s she’s asked you to take annual leave - without attempting to take some herself.

I could understand if her request had already been denied. But even then she would be entitled to parental leave.

Don't feel guilty, you have used up all your leave.

Exactly! It seems some people think OP should though!

We can take parental/dependents leave for a day or two if no childcare or child is ill etc, but yes they would definitely ask questions if it was a regular occurrence. I work for the NHS and have been told it’s pro rata, depending on how many days you work. I’m 4 days p/w and ended up using 7.5 days of this kind of leave. Maybe it’s just an NHS thing? Or maybe I’ve completely misunderstood, it’s a possibility 😭

I just did a google and can’t see how this would be paid or could be paid. Shes in care

I'd be interested to know what the "treatment" is that the other nan is having, and if it can be moved to a day that SD isn't working. She is part time after all. Was it not possible to arrange the treatment on a day that she isn't needed to help with childcare? I'm sure that's what most grandparents who have committed to a regular childcare responsibility would try to do.

If it wasn't possible to swap then the next thing would be to ask the child's mother if they could swap their shift/take a day's leave so that the appointment could go ahead.

It really astounds me that instead OP would be approached to take her OWN annual leave from a FT job to sort all this out.

I think you’re being a bit mean not helping her out for one day. Presumably she uses her AL to look after her dc when nursery is closed or whatever.

Why can't the mum take annual leave to cover it? If she's not enough days she needs to take unpaid parental leave. I wouldn't be using my leave to look after someone else's child when they aren't even related to me, it really isn't your problem. It's up to her mum to sort an alternative.

Parents with young children are entitled to unpaid leave, if she's struggling with temporary childcare or a child is unwell etc.

The OP has already updated to say it's multiple days.

No I don’t wouldn’t either

my dh is retired and has a grandson ( toddler) and we both agreed that he wouldn’t get roped into being a fixed babysitter so that they could work / go out save on child care fees

They have hinted but we have just said you wouldn’t like it if we had to cancel

as an emergency possibly but we live around 30 mins drive away

we go away a lot on holidays and we have a dog and out house is long past being toddler friendly

I think it is a bit mean actually to not help at all. You could do one day and take grandaughter out somewhere lovely to have a great day together, which hardly sounds the end of the world. It sounds like her mum is struggling trying to balance everything.

Also, unless I've missed something it sounds like your dh gets a pretty standard amount of days, not sure why you keep saying he gets so little.

Some of these replies are pretty crazy

OP only you can decide if you think you are being unreasonable or not here in the scenario

however I know for a fact my parent, step parents, parents in law etc would all do anything they can to help
as long as it’s not an every day regular occurance I don’t see the problem.
Do you have something planned for your annual leave outside grand daughter?
You could take the day and make a lovely special day out of it together

its extremely hard for working mums, even more so if no dad in the picture

Her work is not more important than your work. YANBU.

I think in the interests of helping I’d tell her I can do a day or two but not until April as that’s when your new leave year starts. I’d encourage her dad to do the same and then she can take some leave herself.
It just seems a bit mean to give a flat no when you could offer a little help.

I’ve not got family nearby to help. I either had to use annual leave, swap shifts or take parental leave. Parental leave is for all parents with children under 18 but it is unpaid.

What a stupid post.

They play their part. They take their granddaughter on holiday. They clearly help in other ways or they wouldn’t even consider doing this. It’s not going to work this time, that’s fine.

Only on MN would saying a reasonable no to a reasonable request involving people who care for each other become ‘not being a village’. What a massive chip on the shoulder one would have to have to be able to spin it this way.

This woman has a supportive mum and a supportive dad and stepmum. That’s good, it will save her a lot of angst and difficulty, but it doesn’t mean every problem will be solved for the next 14 years, as all those supportive people also have their own lives.

Ok it seems she can’t use annual
leave as she has used it all for her own holiday

So same as you then

both used

she will have to take it unpaid

She must take annual leave herself and look after her own child. Or arrange temporary care with a nursery or childminder. But all the same I don't think its unreasonable to ask you for one days childcare. But multiple days certainly not.

I would do it. Single parenting is ridiculously hard & exhausting and she will be keeping days aside for the school holidays and the child being sick. I wouldn’t do it every week but as a one off, I would. Especially if her mum was getting medical treatment.