AIBU not wanting to use annual leave for stepdaughter’s childcare cover?

[crazycatladyof6]

Hello everyone, I just want to know if I’m being unreasonable. There’s a part of me thinks I am so wanted to know what others think. My husband and I have a granddaughter who we absolutely adore. We both work full-time and my husband actually doesn’t get much annual leave at all. It’s a bit of a problem. My stepdaughter works part-time 24 hours a week and our granddaughter goes to nursery on the days when her mum is at work and her other Nan who is very local collects her until Mum is home. She also takes her to nursery school in the morning. Unfortunately, my stepdaughter‘s mum needs to have some treatment and my stepdaughter has asked if we will have our granddaughter so she can go to work. This will mean that we will have to take annual leave to be able to have our granddaughter. One of the days I actually can’t do anyway because I’m already on annual leave for something that’s been booked for about eight months and then the other day I’m at work as is my husband and I’ve actually run out of annual leave at present. it does reset in April so I could take an annual leave day and this is where I need to ask AIBU to not want to take an annual leave day so my stepdaughter can go to work when it’s also my working day?

And I bet you her dad & you when she stops being a diva.

I am actually feels really peed off about the whole thing. I was feeling guilty as I’m the type of person who always likes to help if I can but the more I think about, it’s just completely entitled! And the messages from the ex wife telling my DH he needs to talk to his work and arrange time off and if it was me who was poorly he would be telling his work to eff off as he needs to have time off to be with me and take me to appointments. I think she’s missing the point here - yes, if I was unwell them my DH would speak to his work and try to negotiate so he could take me to appointments but she is his ex wife (22 years ago) and while we obviously feel empathetic towards her, my husbands work couldn’t care less about his ex wife’s illness and why should they. And I don’t mean that horribly. Yes she has an arrangement with my stepdaughter that she gives x amount of childcare but that’s something she can accommodate which is great but it doesn’t mean we can. We don’t in the same way she does because we can’t but we do stuff with DGD which includes weekends and holidays. So yes, on our terms (to a point) but we still love and care. I’m so frustrated

Op her behaviour is selfish no wonder your frustrated and sad she’s basically blackmailing you into doing what she wants her dc probably misses you and your dh but sd is too selfish to care. If you do get back to how you were definitely do what’s best for you and dh otherwise she will rely on you until dc is a teen she had dc it’s her responsibility to care for her. Op she’s lucky she has free childcare there are other woman juggling both job and kids and house and have no one. Princess needs to learn to accept no in her life now and again her mum isn’t helping the situation.

But isn't it the MN mantra that step-mothers should not involve herself in the husband's family? Maybe that only applies to graduations, weddings, significant birthdays etc., when they desperately need step mum to help out she's supposed to put her own life on hold!

Totally understandable he’s upset - but surely he can see how selfish his daughter and ex wife are being

why is his /your time /holiday less precious then hers ?

in the end , they are her kids and sb needs to sort out childcare for them

im sure he wants to back down and agree to what she wants - but it would be the worst thing to do

Time for DH to block his ex wife @crazycatladyof6. Wouldn't hurt for you to do the same. Horrible, blackmailing people.

ETA Why can't child's mother not explain the emergency to her work?

Exactly. The ex wife has been archived and he hasn’t responded to her bar one message which said she was being unfair. She then followed it up with loads of abusive messages so he archived.

Time to really step back OP.
These are ugly people.
All you have done and yet how quickly they have turned.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

You’re right. I’m stepping right back from DSD now (I’ve had too much of this kind of behaviour over the years) but we will continue to be present for our granddaughter

Hi op she will need you before you will need her. Definitely don’t let on your both upset because this is what she will use against you both. Even if you have to pretend get on with your lives and wait for her to come crawling back.