Being a bitch- seeing results

[hotgirlsummer26]

Has anyone else realised that once you start putting your foot down and saying no, people tend to start to listen?

I was very much a people pleaser up until this year when I snapped and thought, enough is enough. I’ve seen my relationship change for the better (literally tell him to piss off when he tells me to wear makeup and the guy just accepts it, whereas before I used to go running to fix my face).

In-laws used to pop over whenever suited them and expected me to stay and host them as did husband. Now I just walk out saying I have errands to run.

Same thing with parenting clubs, a mum who used to make digs at me like “your daughter eating fruit in the morning, has she not had her breakfast?” And now I just reply saying, she likes her fruit and has had porridge for breakfast thanks. No more comments from her.

There has been backlash, husband saying no one wants to come over anymore, that I look a state (cut my hair short because I wanted to and he hates it), Some side eye from some mums- but overall just a general improvement in my quality of life!

Anyone else experience this or have I turned into one of those bitchy people no one likes and will probably die alone :) ? Although honestly at this point, I wouldn’t care- I feel so light and care free!

AIBU- nice is the way
AINBU- no one listens to nice

It sounds like you should have been telling him to piss off a long time ago.

This doesn't sound like you're being a bitch, it sounds like you're establishing boundaries and not letting people walk all over you. Though tbh I'd go one step further and put any man who told me I looked a state and should put some makeup on directly in the bin.

I think it's ridiculous really that you're equating being firm with the awful phrase 'being a bitch'.

I think you have a lot more work to do.

Ditching the twat you're married to may help.

That doesn’t sound like being a bitch to me. It sounds like you’re being assertive.

That's not being a bitch

That's giving normal appropriate responses

We need to stop labelling female assertiveness as being a bitch.

I think it’s perfectly acceptable to put boundaries in place as long as you are polite about it. It’s very liberating

Surely you're just setting boundaries now.

It's interesting that you describe it as changing from being a 'people pleaser' to calling yourself a 'bitch' (misogynistic language).

It sounds rather like you still don't really feel you have the right to set boundaries?

I set boundaries but I'm not a bitch. I say no to people respectfully so not being a bitch. I'm able to respond to comments from other people - asserting my position - without feeling I'm 'being a bitch'.

I wonder why you describe it in that way?

Yep.

Amen to that.

Can I ask how old you are? This came to me with perimenopause. Not "people pleasing" perhaps describes it better. 😁

Mate: these examples. The new, reformed you is still one of the fucking Teletubbies in comparison with peri menopausal me.

Your husband sounds like a shitbag. Would you not go the whole hog and ditch him?

Sorry Derek, do you know why people don't want to come over and see you?
It can't be me that's the problem if I'm not here.
🤗

Ermmmm.

In-laws used to pop over whenever suited them and expected me to stay and host them as did husband. Now I just walk out saying I have errands to run.

Same thing with parenting clubs, a mum who used to make digs at me like “your daughter eating fruit in the morning, has she not had her breakfast?” And now I just reply saying, she likes her fruit and has had porridge for breakfast thanks. No more comments from her.

None of this is "bitchy"?
It's just suiting yourself and giving a normal reply to someone who is making conversation ...

The only "bitching" i see is from your arsehole.of a husband.

I don't know anyone who would do that in real life

this is MN.

Exactly right.

Well done on fighting back. If your partner tries to pull that shit again just reply, ‘Thanks for that, Brad Pitt’, or, ‘Brave words from a man who looks like a thumb/a pitbull/a donkey chewing a wasp’.

I agree with the PP that said it sounds like you should have told him to piss off a long time ago.

Agreed and it sounds like he could stand to be told to piss off considerably further.

I did this, and then my male colleague said “I liked the old you, the new you has an answer for everything”.
I said yeah the new me tells you to get fucked that’s why.
Your husband calling you a state is barbaric and would get a “and yet you’re still punching…” from me.

😂

Don’t say ‘being a bitch’- it’s an awful phrase. Cutting your hair the way you like it isn’t being a bitch. Saying your daughter has porridge before her fruit is just stating fact. I’m glad your feeling liberated by your new found assertiveness- but don’t class it as being a bitch.

I'm autistic and like this all the time, but I call it assertiveness. I don't do passive aggression and I'm honest about how I feel. I'm sure I have offended people unwittingly in the past, but I'm quite happy.

😂😂! Thank you all mumsnetters! Absolutely you’re right. It’s not bitchiness but I was told recently “you were so nice before, now you’re just a bitch” and I guess that’s why I used that phrase. Well, let’s see where my new found confidence gets me, will definitely update you with the binning of my husband. I just think it’s slightly my fault for agreeing to everything before. Must be a shock to his system! And everyone’s system!