About mothers day getting weird with my brother

[SubtleSnake]

Hi all

This is a bit awkward and i’m not sure if i’ve handled it wrong tbh so hoping for outside views.

My younger brother (15) has been living with me FT since last summer. Long story but he was having massive behaviour issues at home, school refusing etc and mum basically said it was either he went into care or could he stay with me “for a bit”. That was 8 months ago and he’s still here. Dad hasn’t been involved for years so that’s not an option.

It hasn’t been easy but he’s settled a lot actually. Goes to school most days now, eats proper food, normal stuff like that.

Anyway today obviously mothers day. I woke up and he’d left a little bag on the kitchen table with chocolates and a mug and a card saying thank you for looking after him and “being more like a mum than anyone”. I honestly didn’t know what to say. I told him he didn’t need to do that and that mum is still his mum etc but he just shrugged and said he wanted to.

Later i met mum for lunch (this was already planned) and somehow it came up because he’d texted her just “happy mothers day”. She asked if he’d done anything for me and i stupidly said yes he’d given me a card.

She absolutely flipped. Said i’ve clearly encouraged it and i’m trying to replace her which i honestly haven’t at all. If anything i’ve tried to keep her involved but she rarely asks about him unless there’s a problem.

Now i feel really weird about the whole thing. I didn’t ask for the presents and didn’t even know he’d done it until this morning. But also he’s 15 and i’m the one doing school runs, parents evenings, buying trainers when he grows again etc so i can see why he did it?

Mum left lunch early and now isn’t replying to messages.

AIBU to think she’s being unfair here or have i accidentally stepped into something i shouldn’t have. I genuinely didn’t mean to upset anyone.

What a lovely thing your brother did, it shows maturity beyond his years, which is all the more significant given that he has experienced upheaval in his young life.

Your mother on the other hand sounds emotionally stunted and unhinged. She should have been happy that her son is thriving and making progress since he started to Iive with you.

Let her stew and hopefully she will start to behave like an adult and not a toddler.

Keep doing what you are doing for your brother, you are clearly making such a positive impact, be proud of your achievements.

Your DM is selfish and totally BU, what does she expect she could not look after her DS and wanted you to look after him or put him into care, of course he appreciate everything you are doing for him, you are acting more as a mother to him that his own mother. Your DM should be grateful to you.

This. She sounds immature and ridiculous. You and your brother have done nothing wrong.

You’ve quoted wrong person…😀

Op your obviously doing a great job your db has only shown you his appreciation his real dm has basically given up on him so your dm has to accept this. Op he might change as an adult but right now he sees you caring for him and not her. I would just message her and say mum Im Sorry your upset but I haven’t replaced you he just wanted to acknowledge me for the last 8 months and I hope you don’t punish either of us as this was all your idea. Op you should be proud of him thanking you not many teenagers do this with there own mums that live normal lives at home. He’s turned his life around and that’s on you so smile and be pleased with him and yourself you gave him a lifeline he took it and now he prefers you over his own mum this is not your fault at all.

Just a thought if you're still not sure how you should have thought about his nice gesture. The old name for the day is Mothering Sunday. Mothering the action, the showing up, the being there. Not mother the person. You've clearly been mothering him. Good for you. And his presents and appreciation were completely fitting and appropriate.

She should be thanking you not getting jealous because he’s doing well with you. Would she rather he was in care because of her being a miserable feckless mother? I don’t suppose there’s a fella in the picture by any chance 🤔

You are doing a good job for a 15 year old to acknowledge what you’re doing for him. Your mum is being petty. Shes handed off her kid to another of her kids.

This! I think it takes a lot for any 15 year old boy to show an unexpected token of affection and gratitude - especially a lad who has been through some troubles. Keep doing what you are doing, your brother is very lucky to have you!

You are doing an amazing job OP. Your brother clearly loves you and for giving you a card and gifts means he knows how much you love and care for him. You should be proud of him. Sorry but your mum is no role model and very childish with the way she reactive. She should be thanking you for your support as he clearly wasnt getting that support and stability living with your mum. I have two teenage boys, one the same age as your Dbro and for him to give you a gift on Mothers day means he appreciates everything you have done for him. He is lucky to have you as by the sound of it, if he stayed with your mum, he would of probably gone off the rails. Keep doing what you are doing as he will grow into a lovely young man.

I wouldn't

She'd try and take him back

It's a really nice thing your brother did for you. He will have strange emotions about his mum at the moment - she sent him away! At least he sent her a text. That was thoughtful.

She needs to decide what she wants moving forward.

Why on earth are you paying for his trainers etc? She should at the very least be giving you money to take care of him!

Well done for stepping up & taking your DB in when he's needed stability & support. Sounds like you've done a fab job of getting him sorted. You've done nothing wrong. Your DB is showing he appreciates you & all you've done for him & wanted to buy you a gift. It lovely of him to thank you like this so don't feel guilty. Your DB is old enough to know what he's doing so not buying his Mum a gift or a card is his choice & he must have his reasons for not doing so. I can understand your Mum being upset but she shouldn't be taking it out on you.