Long distance relationship with a Tunisian man?

[JustCoralGoose]

In a nutshell I have been speaking to someone online from Tunisia for 4 years as great friends and recently he told me he wants to be with me and now he’s speaking about meeting me but he can’t stay for long on a holiday or visitor visa and because of his religious background he wants to marry me right away! If it weren’t for those things I wouldn’t.

Now for the longer version
I have asked him why he didn’t find a girlfriend where he lives and he did say he has dated quite a few women and I remember him mentioning he never met anyone that he really likes but he loves everything about me and my personality.
He is about the same age as me (20’s)
He doesn’t have a job but is supported by his father whilst he is studying and he hopes to get a job to do with something on the computer like coding and development although I don’t understand about things like that. I have seen some of his work and it’s too complicated for me to understand .
I’m in the middle of starting a business and have a lot going on in my life and to be honest this new relationship is taking a lot of my head space.
I’m aware there are cultural differences but I’m lying here thinking I would be off my head to marry someone I’ve only met in person once and we don’t know what it’s like to live with each other - I also don’t know if he understands the legal implications and that it would financially tie us together.
I can’t even say it is so he can obtain permission to come to this country as both him and his family want me to move to Tunisia - another conversation in itself as what about healthcare, I have a life here, and what about all my stuff like furniture because I would probably have to sell it all before I could leave.
If I (hypothetically) did my intention would be to start a business over there but I am aware that I would rely on him financially at first which I don’t want to do unless I had savings to live on.
I know nothing about the country and have never gone but from what I’ve seen it honestly doesn’t look like the kind of place I would want to live.
I have also only recently just head about the Tunisian love rat thing.
We have spoken over video call a lot and he is honestly so nice and such a kind man.
But I have not told anyone in person about the ‘relationship’ yet because I’m half worried they’ll think I need to go to a mental facility.
He has introduced me to his family over video call and they are aware he is in a ‘relationship’ with me and he can translate the languages - they speak some English but he’s hoping to teach us how to speak to each other.

You want to go from chatting to someone for 4 years that you're not in a romantic relationship with and differently you're moving to Tunisia and getting married
Just no op

I only read the short version. Honestly OP, this is a terrible idea and you know it. Please look after yourself.

Please don't fall for this old trick OP

So what?

Some random on the Internet says ge wants to be with you and you seriously consider dropping your whole life to marry him?

Are you on crack?

Tell him you’ll be moving to Tunisia to live with him and you’ll not be doing any visa applications for him and all assets will be transferred to your fathers name as you won’t need them anymore. See if he still loves you then.

OP PLEASE don't tie yourself to this man.

Take some time to think about what YOU get out of the relationship, compared to him. It seems like he stands to gain a lot while you get to do all of the compromising.

This does sound very, VERY much like a scam.

Try to take some time to focus on yourself. Tell him you're very busy with the new business and you won't be available for a while.

I think his desperation to keep you locked in will show you clearly how invested he is in getting you to do what HE wants!

You don't have to be with a man just because he 'chooses' you! Especially when you could end up losing so much.

Trust your gut. You know this isn't right.

Log off for a while and make yourself some space to breathe .x.

He wants to marry you to get to the UK, I really can’t understand why you can’t see it!

Lots of people saying it could be a scam, I just wanted to point out that even if he’s completely genuine this would be a terrible idea for you.

Anyone who’s moved to a new country will tell you that, even in the best circumstances, you’re likely to experience some culture shock and some social isolation. If not moving for a job it’s likely to negatively impact your career. Even in the best case.

Anyone who’s been in a cross cultural marriage will tell you that, even in the best circumstances, it comes with challenges. Things you see very differently, things that seemed so obvious you didn’t even think to talk about them until they situation arises and you realize you have opposite assumptions.

You would be moving to a country that is culturally very different from what you’re used to. You don’t speak the language. Your business options would be severely restricted and different from home. You don’t know anyone (except him). Being socially and financially dependent on another person is so vulnerable, it’s not a nice position to be in. Living with someone is totally different from chatting online. You’d be marrying someone with a totally different background from yours — cultural differences mean you’ll likely have very different expectations and assumptions about everything marriage and family related. And because you’ll be in a country you don’t fully understand with no social support and limited money, it will be much harder to hold your ground.

So yes, it very well could be a scam. But even if he’s totally genuine and just really likes everything about you, what he’s suggesting is definitely not sensible and not in your best interests. Focus on your own life and your business.

You will be one of many. Block and delete and enjoy your twenties dating.

You do realise if you move there your passport will magically vanish and you'll be stuck as his parents house slave right?

And if he moves here, he'll vanish a week after the marriage visa goes through and shack up with someone else.

Don't feel foolish, feel proud of yourself for writing a post on Mumsnet before agreeing to marry this man you barely know. You've had an almost unanimous response, telling you this is a romance scam. You know now, so can move forward wiser.
Stop chatting to this man and widen your social circle in this country. Go on dates with men who aren't intending to marry you for citizenship and money.

OP, please don't feel embarrassed. It's ok to have felt flattered and close to this guy. It's likely his motivation is something more than a relationship. Even if not, marrying a stranger is a wildly dangerous thing to do.

He's not your friend and not your boyfriend and not your fiancé. He's a complete and utter stranger.

Please confide in a family member and ask for help and accountability as you shut down communication. He may become very persuasive or even aggressive if you withdraw. X

i can’t believe you would actually seriously consider this. Your gut is telling you something. Trust it.

Oh jeezo. Is this real? You must know how these ‘relationships’ pan out. The story, although the people vary, inevitably ends the same. All those love rats seemed lovely too

@JustCoralGoosedo you have a real world social life? Do you work outside your home, have friends you spend time with? Would you call yourself a confident person with good self esteem? Or are you a bit lonely and insecure, quite isolated?

Like everyone else, I am 99.9% sure this is a scam. If you enjoy talking to him tell him you only want to be friends, and tell him you won’t ever marry him. I hope I’m wrong, but I suspect he may either beg you to reconsider, or move on to one of the other women he’s currently stringing along.

Btw that doesn’t happen either, they don’t just disappear after that because it requires extensions which the sponsoring person has to do and it needs to be paid for.

Radio 4's recent scam series was an eye-opener. Romance scams can go on for years. Yours sounds like one.

No reason you can't continue to enjoy a casual relationship with him but it would be extremely foolish to get married or leave your life and move to a country with a totally different culture, language and lifestyle that you wouldn't be interested in if not for this marriage proposal.

I would make clear to him that this is not on the cards.

Also don't send him any money FFS. I don't know if he has asked for any but it is very common in this type of scenario and the sob stories about a sick relative or impending eviction can be very compelling.

You sound extremely innocent, or you’re making this up and are deliberately typing words to make you sound a bit simple.

Step away. He wants a UK passport.

I' knew a young woman who was wooed by Tunisian man when on a family holiday.
She flew out a few times to see him before marrying him in the UK.
The reception was held at the pub her mother and myself worked at.
It was obvious to anyone there that he wasn't the slightest bit attracted to her,he showed no sign of affection towards her,he barely looked her.
This nearly 30 years ago but even as a twenty one year old I thought something was off..
She was 19,still living at home,poorly paid job ,and I hate to say it but she wasn't very attractive and was very tall and massively overweight and he probably swept her off her feet.
Very much doubt they are still together.

At least you can recoup your losses by selling your story to Take A Break 💔

No, just no.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

Didn’t even finish the post. Obviously don’t follow any of this up or you’ll end up in Take A Break magazine pulling a hard done by face.

@Nofeckingwaydidnt even see your post, great minds! 😂