Long distance relationship with a Tunisian man?

[JustCoralGoose]

In a nutshell I have been speaking to someone online from Tunisia for 4 years as great friends and recently he told me he wants to be with me and now he’s speaking about meeting me but he can’t stay for long on a holiday or visitor visa and because of his religious background he wants to marry me right away! If it weren’t for those things I wouldn’t.

Now for the longer version
I have asked him why he didn’t find a girlfriend where he lives and he did say he has dated quite a few women and I remember him mentioning he never met anyone that he really likes but he loves everything about me and my personality.
He is about the same age as me (20’s)
He doesn’t have a job but is supported by his father whilst he is studying and he hopes to get a job to do with something on the computer like coding and development although I don’t understand about things like that. I have seen some of his work and it’s too complicated for me to understand .
I’m in the middle of starting a business and have a lot going on in my life and to be honest this new relationship is taking a lot of my head space.
I’m aware there are cultural differences but I’m lying here thinking I would be off my head to marry someone I’ve only met in person once and we don’t know what it’s like to live with each other - I also don’t know if he understands the legal implications and that it would financially tie us together.
I can’t even say it is so he can obtain permission to come to this country as both him and his family want me to move to Tunisia - another conversation in itself as what about healthcare, I have a life here, and what about all my stuff like furniture because I would probably have to sell it all before I could leave.
If I (hypothetically) did my intention would be to start a business over there but I am aware that I would rely on him financially at first which I don’t want to do unless I had savings to live on.
I know nothing about the country and have never gone but from what I’ve seen it honestly doesn’t look like the kind of place I would want to live.
I have also only recently just head about the Tunisian love rat thing.
We have spoken over video call a lot and he is honestly so nice and such a kind man.
But I have not told anyone in person about the ‘relationship’ yet because I’m half worried they’ll think I need to go to a mental facility.
He has introduced me to his family over video call and they are aware he is in a ‘relationship’ with me and he can translate the languages - they speak some English but he’s hoping to teach us how to speak to each other.

I mean, you're joking of course. You'd have to be joking, or cognitively impaired.

But I have not told anyone in person about the ‘relationship’ yet because I’m half worried they’ll think I need to go to a mental facility.

...Because you do need to go to a mental facility.

Please tell me you have blocked this man and changed your number @JustCoralGoose ?? Tunisia isnt somewhere you would want to live.

Hey OP, don't be crazy.

I was on the beach in Tanzania and heard a story of a young British or Irish woman who'd married a local and he locked her up in the house before going to work in the morning.

Don't do it. I have a family member from a very similar background, Muslim and whilst there are lots of good things about him, it's so obvious that he doesn't think women are equal, expects women to cook and clean for him. You deserve a better life than that, OP.

I have a friend currently making a fool of herself & wasting a fortune on multiple failed visa attempts on a donkey faced sweet talker from Egypt. We're just leaving her to it & not lending her money. Exactly the same situation as you OP. She's met his family, seen all of his papers, had the proposal, he's got good prospects....etc It's almost as if it's a script isn't it?

I dont know why they are that deseprate and deluded, if one of their friends was in the relationship I bet they would see the red flags all over it and would warn their friend to watch out

No. Just no.

I can understand how that may be flattering, but this isn’t real.

Just block him and concentrate on starting your business. You will find love, and hopefully it will be a lasting love with someone you build a real relationship with.

Now be strong and block!

Look at it objectively. If you had been talking online to a guy in another part of the UK, unemployed but in education and still living at home would you be interested if he announced he would want to marry you? Most likely not. Then in this situation you add a foreign country into the mix with a language you can't speak and from a religious background that you dont belong to. All these should be red flags in your mind.

In some ways you sound very young and vulnerable especially if you are asking here. I would sack this off. You don't need to worry about upsetting him, be clear that you have no interest in him and cut contact and block.

After that I would tackle the stuff that is going on in your life and get that on an even keel before adding potential relationships into the mix.

You sound easily swayed by the wind. You consider marrying someone just because they raise the idea. You ask the internet what to do so you can make a decision. I am not getting any sense of who you are and what you want. If the internet said “yes marry him” would you do so? You don’t have to do what other people tell you. Find your assertiveness and until you have gained some self confidence stay single.

Agree with @Bimblebombles thats exactly the sort of personality that is easy for these men to target. Also, if a woman has been raised to be a people pleaser and has low self esteem for any number of reasons, they’re even easier.
It makes me feel sick with anxiety reading about this sort of thing. The illusion of being “rich” or coming from a wealthy family… that will be false and somehow they’ll lose all entitlement to whatever it was and need your help. Please cease contact and block.

@JustCoralGoose there is a good book called Keanu Reeves Is Not In Love With You that deals with this topic. It’s a really kindly written book about intelligent, otherwise successful women who get taken in by these (most often) Nigerian & Tunisian love scammers. It might be worth a read if you’re feeling wobbly about the situation.

https://amzn.eu/d/0bbcHnPc

Good shout with the book - for these men their career and job, is carefully grooming and love bombing women now with the help of AI - sometimes a group will be involved and take shifts even, to ensure every second is covered - you are removed from your normal life, so this becomes your normal - I had a friend who was bombed by someone for 6 years and remarkably believed this young man was interested and genuine with a message every morning without fail - until I said really come on - for many having anything in their life is better than nothing - even if a scam please listen to your gut and those you trust

Guy has about 10/15 other women he wants to marry at the same time. Can’t believe you’re even considering it.

This is a well known scam

You don't "date" in Muslim countries. You just get married mainly through an arranged marriage and only if you have enough money or a good dowry from the bride. So this online trickster wants either money or a passport/visa to the UK. Once he gets in and gets his visa, he will dump you. BTW, getting a visa requires a lot of money. Save your money and get a local boyfriend.

I've had 111 notifications for my 'red flag' 🚩 comment, many of these in the last 24 hours, but do folks realise this was back in March, and the OP hasn't been back since then?

There's been another poster also in lurve with a Tunisian scamster!

Someone else commented yesterday who is in the same position - hence all the new comments

Got to be a windup?

Of course he’s down to come to your country 🤦‍♀️ you are his meal ticket and visa ! Please, I want to marry you but you only talk online. Surely you must know what this is ?

Come on OP
hes got you hooked left, right and sinker
block block block
find a bloke who’s not taking you for a ride and aiming to take your money

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

15 years ago I worked in a bank and a girl on the same training course met a Tunisian man on holiday. They had a long distance relationship, got married and he moved to the UK and they have a family now. So some people are genuine but it seems the general consesus is this guy is out to take advantage of you

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣