Long distance relationship with a Tunisian man?

[JustCoralGoose]

In a nutshell I have been speaking to someone online from Tunisia for 4 years as great friends and recently he told me he wants to be with me and now he’s speaking about meeting me but he can’t stay for long on a holiday or visitor visa and because of his religious background he wants to marry me right away! If it weren’t for those things I wouldn’t.

Now for the longer version
I have asked him why he didn’t find a girlfriend where he lives and he did say he has dated quite a few women and I remember him mentioning he never met anyone that he really likes but he loves everything about me and my personality.
He is about the same age as me (20’s)
He doesn’t have a job but is supported by his father whilst he is studying and he hopes to get a job to do with something on the computer like coding and development although I don’t understand about things like that. I have seen some of his work and it’s too complicated for me to understand .
I’m in the middle of starting a business and have a lot going on in my life and to be honest this new relationship is taking a lot of my head space.
I’m aware there are cultural differences but I’m lying here thinking I would be off my head to marry someone I’ve only met in person once and we don’t know what it’s like to live with each other - I also don’t know if he understands the legal implications and that it would financially tie us together.
I can’t even say it is so he can obtain permission to come to this country as both him and his family want me to move to Tunisia - another conversation in itself as what about healthcare, I have a life here, and what about all my stuff like furniture because I would probably have to sell it all before I could leave.
If I (hypothetically) did my intention would be to start a business over there but I am aware that I would rely on him financially at first which I don’t want to do unless I had savings to live on.
I know nothing about the country and have never gone but from what I’ve seen it honestly doesn’t look like the kind of place I would want to live.
I have also only recently just head about the Tunisian love rat thing.
We have spoken over video call a lot and he is honestly so nice and such a kind man.
But I have not told anyone in person about the ‘relationship’ yet because I’m half worried they’ll think I need to go to a mental facility.
He has introduced me to his family over video call and they are aware he is in a ‘relationship’ with me and he can translate the languages - they speak some English but he’s hoping to teach us how to speak to each other.

I don’t think he’s a scammer, idk. We never talked about money. And when it comes to who’s who will go to one’s country, he’s more down to come to my country. But we haven’t really talked more about that since he’s also finishing up his studies. We’re both like trying to be patient and wait. But you know, idk too.

Uhm.. virtually? I mean like really, we’re bf’s and gf’s literally in ldr.

Goodness me you are being love bombed, of course he is nice when you speak because that is how he will hook you. You have never actually been in each others company so with all due respect, time to act like an adult and stop talking such nonsense such as relocating and getting married.

Time to stop responding to his messages and do some work on your self esteem.

It's not a relationship if you've never met.

Of course he's keen to come to your country. Move in, marry, passport, cheat , leave. It's a tale as old as time.

@ttalgiche0nsa

Read all the posts on this thread. It's not a new thread and your situation is not new either, just like the OP and thousands of others like you. Do yourself a massive favour, block and move on.

Oh dear. You can’t be in a relationship with someone you have never met and don’t know they are who they say they are. The reason it sounds like the same bloke is because it’s a tale as old as time and they all read from the same script!

funny thing is, I don’t have a strong passport. We’re kinda the same. I’m asian. But idk, I heard yall, im keeping these in mind.

I don’t know haha the reason I don’t think he’s a scammer because I stalk him, he is much richer than I am (well, his family more than mu family). I kinda know things because I really stalk him, not in a bad way but in a way to also know him more.

Run run run. For every good story you’ll hear about someone who has been in this situation, you’ll find hundreds/thousands of bad ones.

When I was younger I was involved in a similar situation, not Tunisia but a similar country culturally. Thankfully it didn’t go too far and I didn’t lose too much money (though believe me, the requests and sob stories will start at some point).

Honestly I think these men must be taught lessons in school about how to woo women and sweep them off their feet, they are masters at doing so even when speaking a second language!

This is a wind up isn’t it. Block him, what are you doing?

i also haven’t heard of Tunisian scammers but it’s so obviously a scam and how desperate do you have to be to be falling for stuff like this? Sad all round.

Cant believe people are still falling into these traps. Turn Shirley Valentine off and open your eyes before its too late

Much as I hate to be impolite…

Stop being so fucking stupid!

With AI these scammers have got a whole lot cleverer. It’s a scam.

The reason he can’t find a girlfriend where he lives is because dating isn’t a thing in his culture like it is here. People don’t ‘date’, they get engaged, often through family connections, have a short engagement period where they get to know each other while chaperoned, and then quickly married.

But to marry , the man will first need to get the bride’s father’s permission, and satisfy him that he has the required finances, income and living accommodation etc. He will also need the money to buy the bride gold as an engagement present, plus whatever is agreed as part of the dowry upon marriage.

Obviously that can be quite difficult for many men, especially if they’re young and employment isn’t easy to come by - but if they marry a foreigner they don’t need to go through that. Plus foreign women from western cultures are more open to sexual relationships before marriage, so it’s common for men in countries like that to have fun with foreign holidaymakers for years before getting married to a girl in their home city when they’re older and have the financial means and stability to marry.

Watch Holiday love rats on Netflix or 90 day fiance. It’s such a common story.

I bet he’s more inclined to come to your country than you going there… I wonder why?!
Only a matter of time before he asks you for money or starts pushing for marriage so he can get residency in your country.
It’s such a common scam and I’m amazed there are still women falling for it

They fall for it because they think ‘he is different’ and ‘I’m too smart to fall for a scam’. When you are in that situation it can be hard to see the wood from the trees.

As I said in a previous post, I think these men must be taught lessons in schools because they know what to say and what buttons to press to sweep women off their feet. It’s quite remarkable how this is done, especially as English isn’t usually their first language.

FFS just don’t send him any money before ending it for good!

I will bet anything that if you start even hinting about ending it, he will suddenly have some tragic sob story about his mum or 3 year old niece having cancer, needing £££££ for an operation, etc etc etc.

How many more red flag bingo boxes do you need?

They’re clearly not too smart to fall for a scam .
I think I must have got far too cynical in my old age… the way people fall for it is mind boggling to me.

If the he/ the family were rich he’d be married off. Very easy to feign a very different lifestyle online

Even if it’s not a scam, how do you think it’s going to work? The religious aspect for one thing, he wants you to marry him, you get pregnant and then you’re trapped there. You’ll be living with his parents, who will probably take over your children, and you won’t be able to leave with your children. You’ll have no say over where you live, or how you live. You don’t even know this man. You don’t understand what he’s apparently training to do for a career, that’s probably because it’s bullshit. I don’t see how someone like you, young ( so presumably computer literate) with the smarts and energy and vision to start your own business, can be so ignorant of the possible consequences of getting with this guy.

Visa..

You feel foolish because this is rank foolishness of course. If you weren't born yesterday or are just pranking Mumsnetters then promise me you will grow up because i am struggling more and more to feel sorry for women who fall for this nonsense, when we all know no good can come of it unless being groomed, lied to and taken advantage of makes you happy.

No no no don’t be so silly