To get DD out of a rave

[TheSassyHedgehog]

We've just realised DD (17) is probably at a rave in the middle of nowhere. We knew she was going to a party with a friend but thought it was in the city we live in. However from her last location on phone, DH and I can see she's a good 20 ish miles away, probably in woodland, no houses for miles, and there's no signal now so we don't know how she'll organise to get home, plus have all the worries about whatever's going on there. We were young once though and know she could be having the time of her life but we want to get her home as it'll be getting cold. We think DH should drive to last known location and look for her but she may well be furious. AIBU?

Surely there are no raves in woodlands in early March? It’s freezing! I know she’s 17 but I’d maybe go for a drive at least to see what’s going on. It’s quite odd to be in woodland at this time at any time of year let alone winter

Leave her alone.

If it's all good, she won't thank you for interrupting her fun. If it's not, she'll learn.

Location tracking on phones is terrible for letting nearly adults take responsibility for themselves.

Absolutely no way should you pick her up in the absence of her having asked for help or any suggestion that something is wrong, unless she’s a particularly vulnerable young person. She’s 17, not a baby, she’ll be absolutely fine if she’s cold! Does she know that you’re able to check on her location? I am so glad that this kind of technology didn’t form part of my teenage years. I can understand the temptation to check on her and realise you must be worried, but she surely does deserve privacy.

Leave her alone, you only have a last location not a current location, your DH could easily end up 20 miles in the wrong direction when she walking thro the door.

Out of all the things you could be worried about from going to a rave, you decide to pick her up as she could be cold 😂.

She’ll be dancing and drinking and won’t even feel it. Leave her be.

They happen all year round!

The locations are not always that accurate. Dh was worried about me the other evening as it looked as if i was in the middle of woods, when i was actually in Bath city centre!

Times have changed. I was a raver and not one I went to was outdoors in the woods lol. Always in a nightclub or at least a venue with a large warehouse/barn etc. fair enough I stand corrected 😅

Check there is in fact a rave there. She could be in trouble. If there is a rave text her to ask if she needs a lift home after.

Yabu sorry - shes 17, this is normal xx

We tried texting her a couple of times to check she's ok and has a way to get home but no reply. I think there's no signal where she is. We realise it's 99.99% likely she's fine but just wondering how she'll call a taxi, if phones aren't working out there.

Hmm, personally I disagree. I would text her just to check she’s ok and let her know that you can pick her up if she needs it. Depending on how far away she is I might be inclined to drive out there if you get no response to the text. Just to see if there is in fact an event going on at that location.

I nderstand this is stressful , but I am not sure there is much you can do. I would absolutely not jump in the car what would be the point ? When are you expecting her home ?

If you ever find yourself in this situation with a child of your own, come back and tell me this is ‘normal’ and that you’re completely fine with it.

It might be something that you yourself did, and I’m sure the OP’s dd is fine, but it’s not normal for a 17yo child to be out in the woods at 2am.

She said she'd be out until maybe very early hours/all night, but we thought she'd be somewhere she could easily call an Uber or get home from. I'm trying to be chill about it, not very well though, but DH has been worse, beside himself worrying and annoyed. I think we'd worry even if it was one of us, more than it being an age thing. Maybe we need to turn off location sharing from now on!

Personally I’d go. She may be in woodlands but you don’t know if there’s a party there. That should be pretty obvious as you get there. If there’s no rave, why is she there?

If he gets there and there’s a party going on then that’s fine, he can retreat and wait to see if she texts asking to be picked up.

Happy Mother’s Day! Kids!!

I would actually ring her. If her phone has signal it might alert her to your text.

Leave her be, she’s with friends. Location sharing isn’t always a good thing. Don’t embarrass her by showing up.

FWIW my 17yo son wouldn’t be allowed to do this and had a strict collected by a parent at 1am rule. Once he was 18 we relaxed this to 2am and he could get an Uber back if with friends.. I never slept until he was back and would have been having kittens if he wasn’t where he was supposed to be so I understand how.stresssful it is.

I can understand your worry, especially since you know what goes on at raves, but I think it would be ‘social suicide’ if you turn up in front of all her classmates and friends because you’re worried she’ll get cold etc.

My eldest is 9, so I can’t even pretend to completely understand your worry however I’m sure it’s huge.

I think you will just have to trust that she’s sensible enough to be there. Maybe next time, make sure she tells you where she’s going and offer to pick her up at a certain time so you know she’s safe.

Jesus. A 17 year old child is in the middle of nowhere in the woods. The OP has no idea why she would be there or who she is with.

I won’t derail the thread with stories of my own, but I really wish my parents had risked embarrassing me to get me out of a really awful situation that happened when I was 16. It would have saved me a lifetime of living with the trauma.

She does know why she would be there, she's at a rave! I get that she's young but calling her a child to make a point is silly. 17 year olds are not children.

A lot of “cool mums” on here needlessly antagonising the OP. @TheSassyHedgehog

OP can you update this thread to let us know what happened please? Hope tonight works out for you both.