To get DD out of a rave

[TheSassyHedgehog]

We've just realised DD (17) is probably at a rave in the middle of nowhere. We knew she was going to a party with a friend but thought it was in the city we live in. However from her last location on phone, DH and I can see she's a good 20 ish miles away, probably in woodland, no houses for miles, and there's no signal now so we don't know how she'll organise to get home, plus have all the worries about whatever's going on there. We were young once though and know she could be having the time of her life but we want to get her home as it'll be getting cold. We think DH should drive to last known location and look for her but she may well be furious. AIBU?

No, as far as OP knew her dd was going to be at a party in a city, not in the woods. She assumes she’s at a rave but doesn’t actually know this. And for the record, raves don’t tend to happen in the woods.

Of course they are bloody children. Don’t be ridiculous

Raves in woods would be a logistical nightmare. Power for one is an issue. Sound also carries if it is an outdoor event and it would have been shut down. Plus it’s the wrong time of year for outdoor events. It’s more likely the location tracking is wrong but I wouldn’t take the risk.

I’d be in the car already going to check. Chances are she’s fine but I’d still go because you hear so many horrible stories these days to me it’s not worth the risk. I’d rather embarrass my kid and have them huff for a while than sit not knowing

Outdoor raves used to be called "free parties" in the 90's and there were loads of them. When I was that age we would often take a few cars and a group of friends and hang out somewhere pretty remote until late (moors, woods, coast) but it wasn't a rave.

I'm glad my parents couldn't see my location! I think my mum probably didn't sleep until I was home but she was always very chill about it. Probably because she couldn't sit around looking at my location and freaking out.

I would go at least to check there is something happening. If there is id try mot to go looking snd embarrass her. Id also try to gauge liklihood of being able to get home from there

Have you heard from your dd? My dd is also 17. As others have said, raves these days don’t happen in secret or in woods. Raves are massive and legal organised events in places, such as massive warehouses in the winter, and outdoors in the summer. When I dropped my dd off at a rave in our local city, amongst other emergency vehicles, there were about 10 police cars sitting outside waiting in case of an incident.

I would be concerned for her, however, she may simply have gone bad to someone’s house with poor reception. But most likely is that she’s gone on a bit of adventure with some friends and I wouldn’t be happy about that. I hope your dd is ok and safe. Idk how you’d even find her but I would be going to have a look and try to be discreet.

I hope you’ve made contact with her, OP.

I think the issue is not that she’s gone to a (possible) race. It’s that she told you she’d be one place and now she’s suddenly somewhere else random and far away. Also how the heck are they planning to get home? At 17, she can’t drive. There won’t be public transport. No way will a taxi go out in the middle of nowhere (I can’t even get taxis to come to my house).

For those who say raves don’t happen in the woods, tell me you never leave London without telling me you never leave London. 😂 Of course, they do. I live in a very remote area of National Park. There are raves! They trash stuff and cause all sorts of chaos. It’s like the good old days of secret locations and dodgy generators and running when the police turn up. It’s absolutely a thing, less so in winter because the weather is crap, but not at all uncommon.

she’s at a rave with friends, not wandering around the forest in flip flops on her own.

If you’re sure it’s a rave I’d just leave her be tbh

If she's in the middle of nowhere in the woods, it might be a fairy gathering.

They'll be dancing in rings around an oak tree and drinking mushroom wine out of acorn cups.

She may be fine, she may disappear forever.

Oh my God, I am SO grateful this tech didn't exist when I was 17! It would have shown me in all manner of country lanes in the middle of nowhere at night, because I was shagging my boyfriend in his car!

If she’s 17 she will likely be at uni in September and you won’t know what she is doing. Leave her be

Is she home. I would have absolutely no issue with my 17 year old going to a rave and I wouldn't be worried about her being cold or lack of signal for getting home. What would worry me is if its not a rave and shes in the woods in the early hours

She's probably having some alone time somewhere quiet in a car with a boy - absolute time-honoured tradition for teens, who can't shag in their parents' houses and have nowhere else to go. You have to drive somewhere secluded bc the police come and shine their headlamps on you otherwise. Thirty-four years ago and I remember it all like yesterday!

OP, if you go down to the woods today, you're sure of a big surprise! If you go down to the woods today, you'd better go in disguise! 🤣🤣🤣

I say you should do what you need to do to make sure she is safe. Basic rule of safety for women of any age is to let people know where they are going to be, let alone a girl you are still responsible for.
Not being where you thought she would be is a big no-no.

Yes she will be at uni later this year - she will
be over 18 and not living at home so you
will not be responsible.

but sadly university students jave
disappeared after parties- so if you want to go check, go.

They have them regularly where I live. They bring a generator for power and usually after a few hours the police turn up and clear everyone out.

What happened @TheSassyHedgehog? is she home?

Any news OP ? FWIW Dd is 19 and DS is 22 ( althoigh we were saved the worst of teenage shanagins for him- thank you COVID).

No they aren't, you're being bloody ridiculous!

Of course raves happen in woods!

Bloody children 🤣 who can drive cars, have jobs, have sex, have children, get married (in half the UK still), pay tax etc etc and are months away from turning 18.

I think location sharing causes more trouble than it's worth. If someone was abducted - wouldn't the first thing that happened be their phone taken and switched off? Well before they arrived at woodland etc! In the worst case scenario like that tracking doesn't help. Its invasive and leads to anxiety.

A 17yo is not a child they are in Yr 12 or Yr13. As she told OP she was going to be out all night I think it might be an organised event. I think this would be safer than the other senarios, but honestly what can you do except wait ? I would try not to be angry at this age it is all about communication and encouraging them to plan and think things through as far as possible- not always teenagers' natural strengths. Yes turn location off for your own sanity.

I use to just pile in a car with others or walk until we got to town/a call box. Surely she can walk until she gets signal?

First post 1.56am
final post 3.40am

still seemed to have done anything aside from mumsnet. Cant have been that worried.