To get DD out of a rave

256 replies

TheSassyHedgehog · 15/03/2026 01:56

We've just realised DD (17) is probably at a rave in the middle of nowhere. We knew she was going to a party with a friend but thought it was in the city we live in. However from her last location on phone, DH and I can see she's a good 20 ish miles away, probably in woodland, no houses for miles, and there's no signal now so we don't know how she'll organise to get home, plus have all the worries about whatever's going on there. We were young once though and know she could be having the time of her life but we want to get her home as it'll be getting cold. We think DH should drive to last known location and look for her but she may well be furious. AIBU?

OP posts:

BoogieTownTop · 17/03/2026 05:16

PixieTales · 16/03/2026 23:13

I’m not ‘picking a fight’ I’m responding to someone who decided to interject themselves on my comment to another poster, then derail the thread talking about how eating disorders shrink brains and bringing up neurodiversity - non of which has any relevance to this thread.

So yes I will call that out.

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I have to agree with @PixieTales here, that poster tried to involve me with a discussion about her individual situation, how she “had” to have tracking for a very specific reason.

We’re not talking about an individual DD situation, we’re talking about a general consensus and how parents should/shouldn’t track.

She is the minority (by a long way), not the majority.

its totally irrelevant to this thread, which of course is about the majority of older children turning adults.

CuppaTeaBab · 18/03/2026 11:03

FernandoSor · 16/03/2026 16:40

@CuppaTeaBab yes of course your location affects your views and your perception of danger. I thought nothing of letting DCs walk to and from grandparents (15 minutes through woodlands and fields) when they was little. They're hardly going to get abducted by a badger, or mugged by a gang of voles.

By far the biggest danger to children, whether they are in a city or in the countryside, are car drivers. Avoid those - by avoiding roads, easy to do in most areas of the countryside - and your child will be safe. They do have tracking on their phones (life360), but reception is incredibly patchy so it comes down to trust. I trust them, and we live in an incredibly safe area where a loose horse will be the talk of the village for weeks so yes, I don't waste a moment worrying about their safety just walking around. They cycle a lot (mostly off road) and of course have helmets and lights to switch on on the road sections.

So basically, keep your children away from cars, and give them the best chances of being seen if cars are unavoidable, and they'll be fine.

Yeah see im on the opposite end of the spectrum. I have to worry about knife crime, muggings, rape. I know it can happen anywhere but I live in a city and its a fact of where I live. An 11 year old boy was stabbed walking home from school in January, just for no reason. At the moment we have this red vs blue shite going on in the secondary schools, extra points if you take a blade!

I would never, ever let my kids even get on a bus to go to school. Let alone walk the streets of a night. Id never let them ride a bike on the street. For ref my kids are 8 and 5 so they are a bit young for this, but thinking ahead, its just an absolute no.

Moving away is on the cards, and this is the main factor in our decision. Id love my kids to have the same freedom as yours.

Sidelined101 · 19/03/2026 08:26

TheSassyHedgehog · 16/03/2026 19:04

This has been an interesting discussion and it's definitely made me reflect. On the 'tracking' front, it's a positive thing for us 99% of the time e.g. DD using it to try to get a food order in whenever she sees I'm near a shop 😄 However I agree at nearly 18 it's definitely her choice, and I don't want it to cause issues, so I suggested stopping it earlier. Her words were 'no way, I like knowing where you are!' On the party front we knew the location of the gathering was tbc but it took her, her friend (and us) by surprise it was such a long way out of the city. They'd even met in the city centre expecting it to be somewhere in closer radius. DD wasn't being deceitful and she knew we had her location, and we knew an abduction was highly unlikely... It's obvious now it would be somewhere remote where the party/rave wouldn't get shut down so easily (duh!), but we only realised that as it was happening and then she was out of range as no phone signal so we probably panicked too much. She did use her initiative next morning walking with friend a few miles to ask a homeowner (lucky them) if they could use their WiFi to book an Uber. She then rang us and DH offered to pick her up so she cancelled the Uber. DH saw loads of the party goers traipsing the 7-8 miles, probably to the nearest pub /train station so I can see that's all part of the fun of it. DD got some lovely sunrise photos. Apparently there were even first aid kits at the event. Anyway, all good in the end.

lol she sounds brilliant, had the time of her life and obviously always had the plan to get collected when she was ready to come home/ down

cshp · 21/03/2026 00:18

liveforsummer · 15/03/2026 14:32

Are E’s even a thing anymore? Round here it’s all coke and ket as far as I can see

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Oh well thats better then.. not like ketamine is causing irreversible damage to young people's bladders and kidneys.

cshp · 21/03/2026 00:36

My thoughts
Yes when someone is 18 and an adult you can't confine them sure
17 is not 18
However as adults there are still rules, we have rules at work, its ok to have rules at home. If your partner said they were at x but were at y or would be home by 12 but stayed out til 6, you'd have a problem maybe? Its courtesy. Same if living in a shared house, its courtesy and safer to let people you live with know vaguely where you're going and when you'll be back.
Have fun, sure. But educate yourselves and your kids. The culture and the drugs have changed.

cshp · 21/03/2026 00:43

Not mollycoddling but its not unreasonable to know where your dc is and for them to be home at a decent hour while they're children/developing frontal lobe and living at home. I dont agree with tracking, but honesty and communication are not unreasonable.

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