AIBU to think our 18 year olds should work instead of wasting away weekends?

[Roxen]

First of all, I know they are 18 so I have no control over this, it’s more about the debate between DH and I.

DH and I have twins who are 18, in their last year of school, they are doing IB diploma so it’s quite intense, has a lot involved in it, exams start at the end of April and run through May.

We agreed to neither of them having part time jobs as between their studies and the extra things they have to do they wouldn’t have time. However this weekend I’m feeling quite annoyed about that, as neither of them are going to do anything remotely related to school.

Last night they went to a friends birthday party, got home at about 2am, they then along with DD sat up for the F1 sprint race. Went to sleep for a few hours woke back up for qualifying and went to sleep again afterwards. Now they have all gone to the pub where they will stay all day for the 6 nations matches. DD has said when she gets home she will watch the Indian wells tennis semi-finals, before going to sleep and waking up for the F1 tomorrow. They then all have tickets for a football game tomorrow, before going out for dinner with school friends.

I think this is a stupid amount of time to spend doing very little over a whole weekend, I don’t really enjoy watching sports but my kids do and I increasingly feel it takes up all of their time. DH thinks it’s fine, it’s culture and they can study another weekend. I think if they have the time to waste a weekend away in front of the TV, they have time to take on a part time job.

AIBU?

Have you spent the weekend doing things related to your job?

It sounds like a one off? You're saying their school work is intense and in general they probably don't have time for regular part time work. I don't think that should mean they never get a weekend off to chill?

Let them enjoy a chilled weekend before what sounds like a busy couple of months.

My thoughts with part time work for kids in full time education was, if they want more than a bit of pocket money then they will need to work for it but if they're happy to be skint and not work that's their choice. It's actually not that easy to get a part time job either. Both of mine struggled, it took one a year and the other gave up and did odd jobs for friends and family after applying for around 80 jobs and getting only 2 interviews.

So long as they don’t have any homework that they should be doing, I’d let them get on with it. I’d happily spend all weekend watching sport if I could!

Stop financing them. Soon motivates them if they want a social life.

Well they need downtime and socialising time. Will they have time to do that in between study and other activities and a part time job?

I generally think teens should have part time jobs, and it’s still a differentiator when we recruit grads at work, but if you decided they don’t have time for it and they haven’t given up other activities, then they still don’t have time.

I have never got involved in my adult childrens lives. They can use their spare time to do what they want to do. Why does it affect you so much.

If only it was that easy for them to get jobs!

I would be happy with this if it was a one-off and not every weekend as exams loom. If it was every weekend and no study being done I’d be questioning it but equally at 18 they should be prepared for taking responsibility for their actions and any resulting consequences.

My children both got jobs whilst at school and then University. If they wanted money that’s what they had to do. Their choice. Having a part time job doesn’t mean working all weekend.

I thought you were going to say they were sat around all weekend not going anywhere or doing anything, but they're not they're being social. Personally I think it's good for teenagers to work a bit but you've already said to them you think their work is too intense. I think this is nonsense personally, I did 4 A levels plus an extra language GCSE in my second A level year, then went to Durham. I worked throughout, but you're the one who said their education is too intense to work, you can't now begrudge them using their weekend as they choose. I used to mainly work in bars and restaurants and go clubbing and to house parties after and then sleep until lunchtime then do it all again, in between studying, so I don't think you'd like that either.

Can they go to work with you at the weekends?

All work and no play makes everyone fucking boring. If you can't waste time when you're 18 when can you?

My sister is a fair bit younger than me, she's 20, at uni and never had a job. I got a job the moment I turned 16 and worked all through uni. It's frustrating watching her have so little work ethic. So I get it.

However, I also feel like they're only young once and they should be able to have fun. I think what's more important is their work ethic more generally than just over this weekend. If they generally work hard, it's fine.

I think the decision that they were too busy for jobs was because of the CAS element of the IB. IB is 3 higher level subjects, 3 standard level, theory of knowledge and then CAS (they have to do something creative, something active and something that is service for their local community/volunteering). It’s not optional but CAS can be quite time consuming, it’s tapering down closer to exams though.

Sounds amazing 😆

I get what you're saying, but your original reasoning still stands, right? School is intense and this sounds like it doesn't happen every single weekend. I'd leave it.

They should have jobs imo. I had one from 16, did very well in GCSEs and A’s in A levels. I worked about 15-20 hours per week. My niece in her first year at uni and she worked from age 16 in a clothes shop. Straight A stars in every subject.

id stop financing them or giving them jobs around the house (aside from chores).

It really is not that easy for young adults to get jobs. People always act as if it is, but businesses are very picky these days. Many want long-term staff who can commit to more shifts. My kids at university tried so hard to get casual work at their University towns and at home in London but it really was not as easy as we thought it would be.

I do think they should have a part time job and some down time. Dd is 18 and doing alevels (biology, chemistry and ancient history). She has worked since May 2024 in a garden centre and it’s been great for her confidence and general work ethic. She’s looking to increase her hours post exams and the place can’t offer this so agreed looking to move, had an interview last week and waiting to hear. We fund a lot for her so it’s not about the money, she also doesn’t have any hobbies anymore (did ride horses but the stables closed and she was ready to stop) so it another way to meet people from different parts of life. I think that not encouraging them to work pre 18 is tricky because they’re adults and you have set your expectations and it’s hard to reset those.

I remember so clearly looking at the teacher in my secondary school class one day and feeling jealous that she was being paid to be there and didn't have to then go and do a part-time job in the evenings/weekends like I was doing. I'm now a teacher myself and largely stand by that sentiment! Life is much easier when your 9-5 is also the thing you get paid for. Are you spending your weekend working?

See there is a bit of a consensus that it is harder for IB students to hold down part time jobs as the workload is more consistently intense from the get go, my kids joke it’s death by a thousand deadlines, vs one busy exam season rush.
I just feel that if they have a full weekend to waste away then they could have jobs!

They’re 18. There’s a lot worse they could be up to. At least it sounds like fairly healthy/sociable hobbies. Not like they’re smoking weed in their mates shed and failing school like a lot of other teens out there. How are their grades? Presuming they’re doing well as I’m sure you would have mentioned that they were on the brink of being thrown out of college/getting phone calls home.

How dare people rest and sleep on the weekend? What next? Work life balance? Happiness? Good mental health? That must be stopped!

If they were game gaming all weekend, I’d agree with you, but they’re active and being social. Maybe if they had that level of intensity every weekend, it’s would be a bit much.

The question is, are they neglecting their studies? Are they meeting targets?

You’re only young once. Plenty of time for the world of work.

I didn't start any work until I was out of full time education, even then it took me a year or so. I started full time work aged 19.

If they were doing a leisure activity you also enjoyed, not watching sport, would that be ok? At least they're being social and not just lying around scrolling Tik Tok.